Starting a Book

In an earlier post, I mentioned that I wasn't bothered at all by the fact that James Reasoner can write a book in a couple of weeks, whereas it's going to take me three months. And I'll be lucky if I can finish even in that length of time. But I forget to mention the reason why I'm not bothered. You see, James is cheating. He's going to be using an outline. I don't have one. All I have is one sentence: "When Sheriff Dan Rhodes opened the back door, the cat was there." It's a sentence that's been rattling around in the back of my mind for a while, so I'm going with it. The problem is, I don't know where I'm going. It's a little scary, if you want to know the truth. Some time later today, I'm going to have to sit down here at the computer and type that sentence onto a blank page and see if anything will follow it. James, meanwhile, will have written three or four chapters. But that doesn't bother me. Not even a little bit. Not at all. Really.

Wedding Crashers

OK, so I have low taste in movies. That's not a surprise, right? After I saw Wedding Crashers, I knew there were plenty of things wrong with it, but I couldn't really put my finger on all of them. So I read Roger Ebert's review, and he spotted all the things I noticed, plus a few more, and wrote about them much better than I ever chould. For Ebert, they spoiled the movie. For me, they didn't. I laughed a lot, in spite of all the flaws, and I'd recommend it.

However, I'd be remiss if I didn't mention that the Surprise Guest Star didn't work nearly as well as the moviemakers must have thought he would. I just don't get the guy, I guess.

Rachel McAdams (photo at left) works just fine, however. I know it's unseemly for a geezer of my years to say so, but she's one cute chick (as we said back in the day). Now I'm going to have to watch Mean Girls.

And one other thing: You can't miss when you end a movie like this with Rod Stewart and the Faces doing "Stay with Me." Great stuff.

This Doesn't Bother Me at All

Really. I mean it. It doesn't. Not a bit.

See, here's the deal. James Reasoner is starting to write a book this weekend. So am I. My deadline is November 1. I'll be lucky to get the book done by then. James's deadline is probably August 15. He'll finish by August 10.

But it doesn't bother me. Not in the least. No kidding.

Thank God. I'm not old. Yet.

Sixty Percent of Americans Believe ``Old'' is Age 71 and over Most Americans Wish They Were under 40, According to Metlife Mature Market Institute/Zogby International Poll: "Sixty Percent of Americans Believe ``Old'' is Age 71 and over Most Americans Wish They Were under 40, According to Metlife Mature Market Institute/Zogby International Poll"

Will you still need me, will you still feed me . . . ?

Today is the blog's third anniversary. It also marks (approximately) the third year (not the three weeks it seems like) of my retirement from teaching. In fact, it seems more like three days. I could walk into a classroom right now and pick up as if only the weekend had passed.

And it's my birthday.

I remember the first time I ever heard the Beatles' Sergeant Pepper album. I wasn't at the beach romancing a young woman or anything like that. I was sitting in the theater of the student union building at The University of Texas. Fred Williams and I were there to see whatever free movie was playing that day in the summer of 1967, and the Beatles were coming in on the speakers before the show began. For whatever reason, "When I'm 64" is the song I've always remembered from that afternoon. I was 26 years old, I'd been married two years, didn't have any kids, and couldn't even imagine that someday I'd actually be 64. It's just as well. I'd never have come close to the reality. As they said in a different context in Rolling Stone, what a long, strange trip it's been. Would I go back and do it all over? Sure. It would be worth it just to be 24 again for a while.

My father and I were both born on July 28, and my mother always tried to take a picture of the two of us together. I've posted a few of them on the photoblog.

Yeah, Right

Burger King: Sexual Captions an Honest Mistake @ Media Buyer Planner: "Burger King: Sexual Captions an Honest Mistake"

OK, this is Scary

1. BBC NEWS | Science/Nature | Japanese develop 'female' android

Japanese scientists have unveiled the most human-looking robot yet devised - a "female" android called Repliee Q1.

She has flexible silicone for skin rather than hard plastic, and a number of sensors and motors to allow her to turn and react in a human-like manner.

She can flutter her eyelids and move her hands like a human. She even appears to breathe.

Into the Web -- Thomas H. Cook

Into the Web was nominated for an Edgar as "best paperback." It's typical of Cook's best work: something has happened in the past, and the reader slowly learns the details. Sometimes the book's narrator already knows what happened, and sometimes he doesn't. In this one, the narrator knows some of what happened, but not all of it. Everything is revealed a little at a time over the course of the book.

Roy Slater is a high school teacher in California, and he returns to Kingdom County, West Virginia, to nurse his father through his final illness. We gradually find out why he left in the first place, what happened to his brother (and why), what happened to the woman he loved, and what happened in his father's life. Cook has a nice way of foiling expectations at the same time he lets us see the inevitability of it all. The pieces fall into place and fit perfectly. A nice job, better than a lot of hardcovers. Check it out.

Those Wild and Crazy Amish Teens!

ABC 7 News - Amish Teen Charged With Stealing Numbers: "HUNTSBURG, Ohio (AP) - Callers complaining about loud music coming from a buggy led deputies to charge a 19-year-old Amish man with stealing house numbers and flower pots. David Byler was charged with theft and underage consumption of alcohol, both misdemeanors.Callers to the Geauga County sheriff's office told dispatchers early Sunday about a buggy playing loud music and stealing items from outside houses in a rural area of northeast Ohio.

'When our officer caught up with him in the middle of the road, there were flower pots and house numbers in the buggy,' sheriff's spokesman John Hiscox said."

He neglected to mention the shag carpet on the wagon bed.

Earthquake Weather -- Terrill Lee Lankford

Some of you who know Terrill Lee Lankford from books like Shooters might be thinking that Earthquake Weather is something along the same line. You'd be wrong.

I suppose you could call Earthquake Weather a crime novel, or even a mystery novel. There's a murder, and it's solved at the end of the book, but the murder and its investigation are secondary to the real subject of this book, which is Hollywood. And not just Hollywood but the people who inhabit it. Not the Big Guys, but the strugglers: the starlets who don't quite make it and turn to crack and sex, the schlock directors who just want to make money and don't give a damn about what kind of movies they make, the writers who burn out after seeing their ideas mangled one time too many, the low-level flunkies like Mark Hayes, the narrator, who's been going from job to job, waiting for the Big Break that will allow him to make movies. But who's going to hire a guy who's suspected of killing his latest boss?

If you're looking for a tour though some of the lower circles of Hell and don't want to dig out that copy of Dante's Inferno that you didn't read in college, you should grab Earthquake Weather and start reading. Nathanael West did Hollywood in the '30s about as well as it could be done. Lankford does the '90s and matches him stride for stride. Check it out.

Another Idea Whose Time Has Come (So to Speak)

Two pints of lager and a packet of crisps are not the only items in Bath's pubs - four in the city centre have installed machines selling sex toys. The...: "Two pints of lager and a packet of crisps are not the only items in Bath's pubs - four in the city centre have installed machines selling sex toys. The machines have been put into Does Your Mother Know in Westgate Buildings, The Rat and Parrot and The Grapes in Westgate Street, and RSVP in George Street - and they are strictly for adults only.

The machines are owned by naughtyvend and their saucy contents include condoms as well as joke items.

They are doing a roaring trade, according to franchisee Keith Townley who is supplying the machines.

'Trade has been absolutely brilliant,' said Mr Townley."

I Wonder if there's Shag Carpet on the Floor

Teri Hatcher: Teri Hatcher's Van-Sex: "Teri Hatcher makes love in an old van parked in her garden - to stop her seven-year-old daughter accidentally interrupting proceedings. .

The 'Desperate Housewives' actress admits she has been inviting dates back to her 'passion wagon' in the driveway of her luxury mansion.

Twice-wed Teri, 40, has only recently started seriously dating again after divorcing actor Jon Tenney more than two years ago."

Myron Floren R.I.P.

Lawrence Welk Accordion Player Floren Dies - Yahoo! News

My parents were big fans of Lawrence Welk and watched his show every week. I was never a fan of "Champagne Music," but even I enjoyed some of the performers, Pete Fountain in particular. I never could figure out how he and Welk got together. And of course I remember Myron Floren. I'm sorry to learn of his death.

CrimeSpree Magazine

welcome to CrimeSpree Magazine

The new issue arrived while I was at ConMisterio. Some great stuff, including the best article on Hard Case Crime that I've read.

Folding Money

Money Origami

I could never do any of this stuff, but for some reason it fascinates me.

Quirky Collectibles

Readers' collectibles - Boston.com - Special sections - Your Life

OK, so you think you're nuts for collecting books or whatever. You're not alone. Check out these photos of plastic flamingos, G.I. Joes, Pez dispensers, and so on.

Making Up Is Hard to Pay For

Blair Spent $3,130 on Makeup in Six Years

LONDON (AP) -- British Prime Minister Tony Blair has spent more than 1,800 pounds (US$3,130) of taxpayers' money on makeup and cosmetic artists over the past six years, according to the government.

In a written answer to Parliament, the government revealed Blair's Downing Street office had spent 1,050.22 pounds (US$1,826.66) on cosmetics for the prime minister's media appearances since 1999. In the past two years, a further 791.20 pounds (US$1,376.14) had been spent on makeup artists.

What I want to know is, how much does the U.S. spend on George W. Bush's make-up? We should be #1!

Back from ConMisterio

ConMisterio was a big success. The panels were all good, the food was great, the hotel was nice, and the people were best of all. As usual, I took hardly any pictures, but I did post three or four on my photoblog for your perusal.

Today at ConMisterio

Excellent programming this afternoon. Jay Brandon gave a talk on writing legal and political mysteries. Jay is always funny and insightful. James Hime, Harry Hunsicker, and Jon Jackson talked about writing crime fiction. Very interesting discussion of how they got started, how they go about writing, how they come up with ideas. Kate Derie led an entertaining discussion of cozies (along with a lot of other things). And Joe Lansdale just told stories, which is hard to top. There were other tracks, of course. These are just the ones I wentt to. Very rewarding afternoon.

In the Doubletree

So here we are in Austin, waiting for ConMisterio to begin. Last night we went to see the Cornell Hurd Band, with our son doing the sound. He also did a guitar solo from the sound booth. Sounded great. The band had a couple of guests, Del Puschert, a guy who played sax. He toured with Elvis in the '50s, and he hasn't lost a step at age 72. Another guest was Pinetop Perkins, who's 93 and who plays boogie-woogie piano like a 20-year-old. He recorded at Sun Studios in the '50s, but only one song, "Pinetop's Boogie" was released, years after he recorded it.

A all around great show.

ConMisterio

Later this morning Judy and I will be leaving for Austin and ConMisterio. It's the first year for this convention, and it's had a little trouble getting off the ground. Not too many people seem interested in going to Austin, Texas, in July, if you can believe that. Still, there's a good line-up of guests (click the link to see), and it should be fun. I'll take a long my clunky dinosaur of a laptop, but blogging will be sparse to nonexistent for a while. You can amuse yourself with other fine blogs, such as the ones linked over to the right, but please come back for a visit as often as you can.

Kidhood -- It Ain't What it Used to Be

USATODAY.com - Childhood pastimes are increasingly moving indoors: "The fundamental nature of American childhood has changed in a single generation. The unstructured outdoor childhood — days of pick-up baseball games, treehouses and 'be home for dinner' — has all but vanished."

******************

"The relationship between kids and their bikes is especially telling.

In 1995, 68% of children ages 7 to 11 rode a bike at least six times a year. Last year, only 47% did.

The sales of children's bikes fell from 12.4 million in 2000 to 9.8 million in 2004, a 21% decline, according to Bicycle Industry and Retailer News,an industry magazine."

The Girl from U.N.C.L.E.

I never saw a single episode of The Girl from U.N.C.L.E. when it was on network TV in the '60s, so last night I decided to watch one. It was pretty awful. The best thing about it was the clothes Stephanie Powers wore: vinyl vests, jackets, and hats. Wow. It made the '60s seem like a million years ago, and I know that to some of you it really was that long. The show was played mostly for laughs, but the humor was so strained that nothing worked.

The guest star was Wally Cox, who played a hit man named Little John Doe. He was mildly interesting, but nothing more.

I think this show lasted only about a year, and now I know why.

I remember The Man from U.N.C.L.E. with affection, but mainly for the first season. Seems to me that the first year was actually a pretty good action/adventure show, but that later it became almost as silly as Girl. At which point I stopped watching it. American Family Network is rerunning it, so I may take a look one of these days.

Anna Nicole Smith Goes Wild. Again.

Anna Nicole Smith still parties hearty - Gossip: The Scoop - MSNBC.com: "“Then she continued drinking and by night’s end the boyfriend, (he said his name was Larry) tried to calm her down she smacked him in the face and was kissing on girls and dry humping some old man on his lap who she left with but not without help from her attorney Howard [K. Stern] who had to hold her up and went wagging behind her like a puppy dog, with in fact Anna's puppy dog in his arms.”"

And she's from my hometown!

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince -- J. K. Rowling

"'Yes, thank you, Phineas,' said Dumbledore quellingly."

Now the truth of the matter is that I have a great fondness for adverbs. I use a lot of them myself. But not as many as J. K. Rowling, whose characters are forever saying things "tartly" or "stubbornly" or "soothingly." And sometimes, as in the example above from page 259 of the latest Harry Potter opus, "quellingly." It doesn't wear well over the course of 652 pages.

And what's this about "apparition" classes? Harry and the gang have to learn to "apparate," which is teleporting by another name, so wouldn't they have "apparation" classes? I don't think this is Rowling's fault. It's bound to be a copy-editor's call, and it just seems wrong to me.

I have one other quibble. The book is too much of a set-up. You may be thinking, "Gee, Bill, that's a clever comment. What do you think the other five books were?" OK, you have a point. Still, I thought the ending was a little rushed. Lots of set-up and not enough pay-off.

All that being said, I enjoyed the book quite a bit, and I'm looking forward to the seventh and final one. I don't understand those people (and there are a lot of them) who say, "I'm an adult, with sophisticated adult reading tastes, and I just can't read those childish books." I have nothing against adults, and I'd always hoped I'd become one (didn't work out). We need adults to run things (too bad they're not in charge, though). But you'd think even an adult could enjoy a book written for young people. Maybe some adults can. If they can't, there's always John Irving's new novel, which is much, much longer than Rowling's book. The adults are welcome to it.

Signs of the Apocalypse

Billboard Bits: Bragg, Seagal, Elliott Smith, Silkworm: "Steven Seagal, action icon and star of such films as 'Hard to Kill,' 'Under Siege' and 'The Glimmer Man,' is planning an early 2006 U.S. release date for his debut album, 'Songs From the Crystal Cave.'"

I'm guessing that this album fits in with the last item on the list below:
# A great earthquake.
# The sun turns black.
# The moon turn blood-red.
# The stars (meteorites) fall.
# The sky is rolled back as a scroll.
# Earth's population is terrified.

No Comment Department

Gizmoville buzzes to iPod vibrator | The Register: "Obligatory iPod Accessory of the Week: Audi-Oh Vibrator for your iPod

Yes, that's right, someone's created a wearable vibrator that works in harmony with your music player. Strap the silicone butterfly in place, plug it into your favourite music player and get jiggy with the musical beat. It will also work in rhythm with external noises from stereos or club sound systems, so you'll be able to get into the... er... groove and get off on it all at the same time. Ah, the joys of modern living... If that's not an example of technology making life better, we don't know what is. Get yours from the excellently-named Grand Opening for $70."

Mickey Mantle

Today I watched an HBO special on Mickey Mantle. He came along at just the right time for me, when I was ten or eleven years old and in love with the game of baseball. Nobody I knew in Mexia, Texas, had ever seen a major league baseball game, but a lot of us kids listened to the games on the radio (Al Helfer and the Game of the Day) and collected baseball cards. Mantle's cards were the ones we prized most highly, and for some reason they were the hardest to find. I remember going to various little mom and pop stores around town (Goodrich Grocery, Trantham's Grocery, Hall's Grocery) and spending a nickel in each place, trying to get a Mantle card.

Mantle was a hero to me and to most of the kids I knew. We had no clues about what he was like off the field, and it was probably just as well. Some of us learned about things like that later of course, and watching the HBO program, I was saddened again to see what a broken, bitter man he became at one point in his life. I guess I still want my heroes to live up to my expectations, which he did at the very end of his life. I just wish he could have found the courage to kick the drinking habit about fifty years earlier than he did.

Life's hardly ever what we want it to be, I guess. Anyway, in my memory at least, he'll always be the Mickey Mantle of the '50s, hitting for power, beating out a bunt, roaming centerfield in Yankee Stadium.

Man on the Moon

Guardian Unlimited | The Guardian | Space mission to photograph Apollo landing sites: "US scientists are planning a 240,000-mile trip down memory lane - a tour of inspection of all the Apollo landing sites on the moon.

In 2008 a powerful camera aboard a new spacecraft called the Lunar Reconnaissance Orbiter (LRO) will photograph the moon's surface in fine detail - fine enough to pick out the Apollo 17 moon buggy abandoned 33 years ago, along with lunar landing platforms and other relics."

I can remember when NASA could put people on the moon instead of taking photos. And instead of having spacecraft that can't get off the ground.

Why My Generation Loved Western Movies by Gary North

Why My Generation Loved Western Movies by Gary North: "When Brandon de Wilde shouted 'Shane, come back!' as Shane rode up the hill, past the graveyard, and out of the community, he spoke for my generation. We were his age, and we wanted someone like that to live among us. A decade later, McLintock made it clear that nobody like that was coming back."

The linked article is a libertarian take on the death of the western, interesting even if you don't agree with the political views.

Harry Potter = Big Bucks

HARRY POTTER - ROWLING MAKES 36 MILLION IN A DAY: "HARRY POTTER author JK ROWLING has added another $36 million (GBP20 million) to her fortune - only 24 hours after the sixth book of the boy wizard series went on sale.

HARRY POTTER AND THE HALF-BLOOD PRINCE hit the shelves at one minute past midnight on Saturday (16JUL05) to queues of ecstatic fans, and has already sold two million copies by closing time today (17JUL05)."

I once made $36 in one day.

Bouchercon 2008 -A Baltimore Bailiwick

Bouchercon 2008 -A Baltimore Bailiwick

I found out by reading Sarah Weinman's blog that the 2008 B'con committee already has a blog up and running, so here's the link. Time to start making travel plans, I guess.

Pulp Fiction in 30 seconds with bunnies.

Pulp Fiction in 30 seconds with bunnies.

Not a bad version.

Sheriff Rhodes Marches On

The next Sheriff Dan Rhodes novel, A Mammoth Murder, will be out next March. Yesterday I signed and mailed a contract for two more (untitled) books in the Sheriff Dan Rhodes series. If all goes as planned, this means that there will be Rhodes books in 2007 and 2008. After 2008, however, all bets are off. The sheriff and I will be pretty old guys by then, and readers might be tired of us. Publishers might be tired of us, too. So I'm not going to look that far ahead. I'll just try to get these two books done and see what happens.

THE FABBAGIRLS ::- Abba Tribute Band

-:: THE FABBAGIRLS ::- Abba Tribute Band - ::

I couldn't resist. And they sound pretty good.

JIM ROSE REMEMBERS...RADIO!

JIM ROSE REMEMBERS...RADIO!

This is a great site, especially if you're a Texan. Man, oh, man. What memories.

Groovy Joe Poovey Again

Bill Crider's Blog: Groovy Joe Poovey

Click on the link and read the great comment from one of Groovy Joe's fellow DJs back in the old days. I love the Internet!

More on Self-Publishing

STLtoday - Business - Story: "Need a book published? Do it yourself"

I know, I know. You usually count on Lee Goldberg to bring you all the articles on self-publishing. But I couldn't resist. This is another "feel-good" story, and it has a link to another article of tips for self-published writers. The only warning comes in a short paragraph at the close of the story. It makes self-publishing sound a lot more profitable than most writers find it, I think.

Bad Money -- Ed Gorman

Ed Gorman & Friends:: "I've got a new noir western out from Berkley called Bad Money about how one of the deadliest weapons (used by both sides in the Civil War) was counterfeiting. This is about a guy named Dev Mallory who was a Yankee spy who was tasked with two things during the war--overseeing the destruction of Southern train rails and overseeing the passing of millions of dollars in Bad Money. It has the grimmest love story I've ever done and a whole lot of business about how you seduce and then blackmail an engraver at the U.S. Treasury into helping you.

One of the old-timers I always see at a small branch library read it last week and when I walked in the door yesterday he said 'I liked it a lot but when're going to write a REAL western.'"

That's what Ed Gorman says about his new novel. Having read it, I can tell you that it's a fine job. I liked it a lot (and not just because of the dedication, so stop saying that!). Maybe the reason I like Ed's westerns so much is that they aren't REAL westerns. They're different and intriguing, and you never know quite what to expect from them. You need to get to your local bookseller and check this one out.

The '60s Week by Week

Mr Pop History

For those of you who've forgotten the '60s (or for those annoying young whippersnappers who weren't even around yet), this is a great resource. Not every week is covered, but there's a ton of 'em. Tells you what movies were playing and what TV shows were on (with plot summaries). Naturally politics are covered, too. New weeks added every Tuesday, according to Mr. Pop History. This is nostalgia nirvana. (You'll need Adobe Acrobat Reader .)

Now on the Photoblog

See! J D Rhoades get mushy with Jason Starr!

See! Bill and Judy on their honeymoon!

See! A gay bar in Toronto!

And a whole lot more, all on the photoblog.

Harry Potter by Various Hands

Guardian Unlimited Books | Special Reports | Dumbledore's death: "
The alternative Potter: Dumbledore's death"

Picked up this link at Incoming Signals. Since a major character is supposedly going to die in the new Harry Potter book, The Guardian has been running a sort of fanfic contest, where people write a death scene for Dumbledore in the style of another writer. You've got Conan Doyle, Anne Rice, Hunter S. Thompson, and many more to chose from.

Buy This Book!

Several years ago I got a call from Clyde Wilson, a famous Houston private-eye. He wanted me to write a book about his cases, of which there were many. Clyde was, for example, Ivana Trump's investigator when she divorced The Donald. (The story's in the book.)

So naturally I was interested. I went to his house, met him, and we hit it off. I then started taping his tales, and eventually shaped them into a book. I thought it was great. I told Judy that it was going to make us rich.

Guess what. It didn't. New York, according to my agent, wasn't interested. So the book languished. Every now and then I'd make an effort to sell it to some regional publisher. One editor told me, "We can't publish this. We'd get sued."

Finally a guy named Mike Cochran agreed to write an introduction to the book. He knew the owner of Eakin Press in Austin, and his name on the cover was enough to put the book over with her. I never thought it would be published, but tonight I went to a Barnes & Noble in Houston and saw copies of Where the Hell is Addis Ababa? for myself. Clyde was there for the signing, and we sold exactly 100 copies. The store manager said that Newt Gingrich had been there a couple of weeks ago and sold 85 copies. So at least we beat The Newt. The crowd was a real gathering of the rich and semi-famous: TV anchors, lawyers (Racehorse Haynes was there), doctors, cops, and other private-eyes.

This book is the real thing. Trust me. And you can order it here. Get several copies. Clyde and I can use the dough.

A Night for Screaming -- Harry Whittington

The other day Lee Goldberg asked me which of Harry Whittington's novels was my favorite. That's an impossible question for me to answer, since I like so many of them. Certainly A Night for Screaming is right up there, so I decided to re-read it. It's the story of Mitch Walker, ex-cop, on the run from a murder he didn't commit, who winds up in Kansas, working on a huge farm that's run like the prison camp in Cool Hand Luke. The complications include Walker's relentless pursuer, the beautiful but nutjob wife of the farm's owner, the owner himself, the brutal overseers, and more.

One thing Whittington can do about as well as anybody ever could is begin the book with a tense situation and then dial up the tension on every succeeding page. He can put his protagonist into a situation that seems as bad as it can get, and then he can make it worse. And after that, he can make it worse still. In this book he takes a seemingly simple situation and complicates it more with every chapter, throwing in a few reversals and surprises along the way. If you ever run across a copy of A Night for Screaming, don't pass it up. You'll be sorry if you do. It's a dandy story, and it has a great cover, besides.

Another Sequel

Estevez Talks "Breakfast" Sequel (July 12th, 2005) - Dark Horizons: "Emilio Estevez has signed on to appear in a sequel to cult John Hughes Brat Pack movie 'The Breakfast Club', despite missing out on joining his castmates for a MTV Movie Awards reunion last month due to a family emergency reports Contact Music.

Estevez urges fans of the film not to take his no-show as a sign he's not interested in a planned sequel. He adds, 'John's got an idea for a sequel - mature aged students at college, all doing time again - for some reason or another.

'The twist would be that we're all the polar opposites of how we were in the original. Judd Nelson for instance, would now be the straight-laced one. I'm definitely in. If it happens, I'm there.'"

Countryman -- Willie Nelson

I'm listening to Countryman, Willie Nelson's new CD. It's reggae. Willie does some of his own numbers ("One in a Row") and some well-known reggae songs ("The Harder they Fall"). And you know what? I like it.

Screaming Memes

J D Rhoades called me out on this one. It’s a meme, whatever the hell that is. I’m supposed to answer some questions. Here goes.

1 - Imagine it’s 2015. You are visiting the library at a major research university. You go over to a computer terminal (or whatever it is they use in 2015) that gives you immediate access to any book or journal article on any topic you want. What do you look up? In other words, what do you hope somebody will have written in the meantime?

Well, first I’d check to see if James Reasoner had written novel #500 yet. I’d check TV Guide to see if there was an all CSI all the time channel yet, or maybe an all Law and Order channel. I’d check a newspaper to see if Jeb Bush was president and if the war in Iraq was over. I’d check the movie section to see if they ever made that fourth Indiana Jones movie. I’d want to read the latest Spenser novel.

2 - What is the strangest thing you’ve ever heard or seen at a conference? No names, please. Refer to “Professor X” or “Ms. Y” if you must. Double credit if you were directly affected. Triple if you then said or did something equally weird.

I’ve been to plenty of weird conferences. I’m a lapsed academic, remember? I’ve been to conferences where I walked by an open doorway and seen a speaker reading his paper on obscure Renaissance sonneteers to an empty room.

I, myself, have never done anything at all weird, ever. Not at a conference, not anywhere.

3 - Name a writer, scholar, or otherwise worthy person you admire so much that meeting him or her would probably reduce you to awestruck silence.

J.D. Salinger.

4 - What are two or three blogs or other Web sites you often read that don’t seem to be on many people’s radar?

I stick with the popular stuff, like all the people I’ve linked to over on the right. Check ‘em out. For something a bit more obscure, I sometimes read sports blogs like DoubleRods. It’s Houston sports, though.

And now I'll call out James Reasoner to see if he'll come through. Hey, maybe he's not even reading this. How about Sarah Weinman? Anybody passed this to her yet? If not, it's time. And Vince Keenan. All those people have plenty of time.

Road House 2

'Hollow Man,' 'Road House' sequels in works - Yahoo! News: "'Road House 2' centers on a graduate student who must run his uncle's bar and fight to maintain control as a local crime boss tries to take it over. Johnathon Schaech has an offer to star, and Scott Ziehl ('Cruel Intentions 3') is in negotiations to direct. An August shoot is being eyed."

It just won't be the same without Patrick Swayze.

Why Does Victor Gischler Post So Seldom?

Some have wondered why Victor Gischler seldom updates his blog. I think this issue of Natural History has the answer.

Bourbon Steet Beat

So last night I watched Bourbon Steet Beat on what used to be the Goodlife Channel, but which I believe is now called the American Life Channel. Not that it matters. Bourbon Street Beat lasted about a year, and it starred Andrew Duggan and Richard Long as a pair of New Orleans private-eyes named Cal Calhoun and Rex Randolph. Their office is located right by the Old Absinthe House, which you may have seen, or maybe even patronized, if you've ever walked along Bourbon Street. They're assisted by Melody Lee Mercer (Arlene Howell), who has a penchant for entering beauty contests, and Kenny Madison (Van Williams, who later went on to star in Surfside Six and The Green Hornet. Kenny doesn't enter beauty contests, but he's pretty cute.

The real fun of watching these old shows is partly the goofy plots. Last night's involved $75,000 missing for forty years and supposedly hidden on an old paddlewheeler. People search for the money by doing things like opening bureau drawers and looking under mattresses. Gimme a break. Cal Calhoun comes up with the idea that the money might not be hidden in the room of the man who had it but in the room next door. "You been takin' genius pills, Cal?" says Kenny.

Then there's the woman dressed in a man's suit, wearing hat and tie. "You never asked me why she was dressed like a man," says guest star Mary Moore (later better known as Mary Tyler Moore) in her best sultry southern accent. So when Cal asks why, Mary says, "She had a lot of hard work to do, searching for that money." Naturally when a woman has a lot of hard work to do, she dresses up in a man's business suit and puts on a hat and tie. You gotta love it.

But plot aside, part of the fun of these shows is seeing who'll turn up. Mary Tyler Moore is always a treat, especially when she's in the slammer, unjustly accused of murder.

And the cars. It's great to see those big old hunks of American iron, looking the way cars should look, forty feet long and covered with chrome. And Cal's old Chevy convertible is a sight for sore eyes.

I wish there had been a few more shots of New Orleans. It would have been fun to see what the city was like all those years ago.

Happy Birthday, Tab Hunter

OK, here's some more cheerful news. It's Tab Hunter's birthday. He's 74. I, for one, am looking forward to reading Tab's autobiography (being written with film noir expert Eddie Muller), in which he tells all.

Frances Langford, R.I.P.

Actress/singer Frances Langford dies: "MIAMI — Frances Langford, whose steamy rendition of 'I'm in the Mood for Love'' captivated soldiers when she was part of Bob Hope's USO tours during World War II, died Monday at the age of 92. Langford had been ill with congestive heart failure and died at her home in Jensen Beach, said her lawyer, Evans Crary Jr."

OK, even I have to admit that all the obits lately are getting a little creepy, but Frances Langford's name means something to an Old Guy like me. I heard her on the radio when I was a kid, often with Bob Hope. And of course I remember her as half of THE BICKERSONS with Don Ameche. Another great voice gone.

Big Al Downing, R.I.P.

Singer 'Big' Al Downing Dead at Age 65 - Yahoo! News: "NASHVILLE, Tenn. - 'Big' Al Downing, a singer-songwriter and pianist who had success in country, rockabilly, rhythm and blues, rock 'n' roll and even disco, has died after suffering from leukemia. He was 65."

When I saw this news, I was immediately transported back to 1959, when Big Al released his version of "When My Blue Moon Turns to Gold Again." I loved that song when Elvis did it, and I loved Big Al's version. I might be the only person in the country who remembers Big Al for that song, but I thought it was great. I'm sorry to hear he's gone.

Bryon Preiss, R. I. P.

Diamond International Galleries presents... COMICON.com PULSE | Comic Books News, Reviews and Criticism

COMICS LOSES ONE OF ITS MAJOR VISIONARIES: BYRON PREISS
BY JIM STERANKO
Around noon on July 9, 2005, writer-editor-developer-publisher Byron Preiss was involved in a fatal auto accident as he drove to his synagogue in Long Island, New York-and American popular culture lost one of its most productive and visionary champions.

I read about Byron Preiss's death at Mark Evanier's blog News from Me, which also links to this article. I met Preiss only once, at an Edgar Dinner years ago, probably around 1988 or 1989, when we were seated at the same table. He seemed like nice guy, and I told him how much I'd enjoyed some of the books he'd been involved with. Later on I wrote a novel for iBooks, and it was about as much fun as anything I've ever done. While I never talked to Preiss during the work on the project, I was grateful for the opportunity to do a book about Humprey Bogart, one of my favorites for many years. His death is quite a loss to the publishing world, and I hope some of his projects (like iBooks) can continue.

A New Star on the Horizon

Joe Lansdale's daughter, Kasey, is a country singer. (She's also much more attractive than Joe.) I've known Kasey for a long time, having met her even before she lost the Miss AggieCon contest to a ferret one year (and to a crossdresser the next year). So maybe I'm prejudiced, but I think she's terrific. You can judge for yourself by going to this link. Then click on "Rawkus" in the lefthand menu. On the next screen, scroll down to Kasey's photo. There's a link to the right, and you can listen to about a minute of one of Kasey's original songs. Great stuff.

I've been told that the link above doesn't work on some computers. The site is www.ranchrecords.us if you can't get the link to work and want to try another way.

Dave Barry in a Serious Mood

Dave Barry's Blog: "The show goes on everywhere here: The underground is running again, and people are resuming their lives. I remain awed by how calmly Londoners have handled the terrorist attack. I believe that one reason for this is that the British TV news people have displayed less excitability and hysteria than American TV news people displayed in response to the Michael Jackson verdict. That's not an exaggeration: That's really how it appears."

I think Barry's definitely onto something here.

Cop Doesn't Measure Up

District Line. Washington City Paper: "How’s It Hanging?"

From beginning (nuts and bolts) to end ("I think the whole thing was poorly handled") this article lets you create your own bad puns.

Christina Aguilera's Four Inch

Christina Aguilera's Four Inch: "Christina Aguilera's Four Inch
July 07, 2005
By Patrick J. Eves

What do you get when you cross four inches with Christina Aguilera, Victoria Beckham, Anne Heche and 41 other scantily clad celebrity women? Either disappointment or a bestselling photography book."

Sounds like a nice coffee table book. A blog with some of the photos from the book can be found here. The photos are not safe for work.

Google Earth

Google Earth - Home

Google has a new program for download. Another great way to waste time!

The Brazos Drive-in

The Brazos Drive-in

Graham's comment below inspired me to check on the 'Net. Sure enough, there's a drive-in theater in Granbury, Texas. Looks like a nice place.

An Interview with Ed McBain

Bookreporter.com - Author Profile: Ed McBain: "You published your first book, FIND THE FEATHERED SERPENT, in 1952"

This interview appeared in 2000. It's a pretty good one, and I'm surprised to learn that Find the Feathered Serpent was Hunter's first book. (The Evil Sleep appeared the same year.) I bought Find the Feathered Serpent new, so I suppose I got in on the beginning of Hunter's career. And a great one it was.

Evan Hunter, R.I.P.

Confessions of an Idiosyncratic Mind: "The man beloved to millions of crime fiction fans under his real name and as Ed McBain passed away this afternoon after a longrunning battle with cancer. He was 79. More information will be available later, but suffice to say, he will be missed by many, many people."

When I read this on Sarah Weinman's blog, my jaw dropped. I can't begin to imagine a world without Evan Hunter in it. I've been reading his books before I even started reading crime fiction, the first one being a Winston SF novel called FIND THE FEATHERED SERPENT when I was just a tyke. I loved that book. A few years later I picked up THE BLACKBOARD JUNGLE, which I read about the time the movie came out. I thought it was a great novel, and I still have that same copy, though it's been re-read so many times that it's in tatters. I later read many of his "mainstream" books, like STRANGERS WHEN WE MEET, mainly because of the movies made from them. What really got me started on him, though, was the 87th Precinct books that he wrote as Ed McBain. Man, I loved those early books in that series. As anyone who reads my Sheriff Dan Rhodes novels is aware, I work in a tribute to McBain every chance I get. He ever wrote me a letter about it once, which was a huge thrill for me. The news that he's gone hit me hard. I've been reading his novels for more than fifty years, and I guess I just thought he'd always be around.

Computer Tip of the Day

Here's something I didn't know (there's a multitude of things I don't know) about computers. A tip from JerryKergan: "Buried within Windows XP/MS Explorer is a best-kept secret remedy for some font sizing troubles: with MS Explorer and a scrolling mouse (li'l wheel between the buttons,) hold down the CONTROL key and scroll to a more comfortable font size. NOTE: this will also enlarge the printed font when printing from your browser . . . so minimize the font size before printing anything."

This also works with Firefox. Don't know about other browsers.

Cap'n Bob and I, However, Will Tour for $5 a Night and the Groupies

Pink Floyd: Pink Floyd offered millions to tour: "Pink Floyd have been offered a staggering 100millionGBP to tour the States.

However, the band - who reformed especially for Saturday's (2-05-05) Live 8 concert - has turned down the lucrative offer.

According to Britain's The Sun newspaper, guitarist Dave Gilmour was overheard saying: 'We've been offered 150million to do gigs in the States.

'It's completely mad - and we won't do it. The idea was a one-off for Live 8'."

Paging Nicolas Cage!

Dateline Alabama: Possible Declaration of Independence copy found in Alabama
The Associated Press

This much is certain: Janice Burks has a copy of the Declaration of Independence, which her late husband said he found in a hidden compartment in a box he bought in Philadelphia decades ago.

Past that, the truths are not exactly self-evident.

The document may be one of the earliest known copies of the nation's founding document, a valuable treasure that turned up unexpectedly in an out-of-the-way part of Alabama. Or it could be a clever fake crafted not too many years ago.

Either way, the Burks family wants to have the document checked by experts.

'Even if it turned out to be a forgery, it would be good just to know one way or the other,' Burks told the Montgomery Advertiser in a story on Independence Day"

A Couple of Books

I'm getting a little behind in reporting on my recent reading. First I should mention Defending Baltimore from Enemy Attack by Charles Osgood. You've probably heard his voice before, and now you can read about his life in 1942. There's a good chapter on his love of radio, and another one on the influence of The Mark of Zorro on his life. In fact, the whole book is warmly nostalgic, especially for those of us who are nearly (if not quite) Osgood's age.

Another book I've been meaning to mention is Jack Higgins's Hell is always Today. This is another procedural featuring wealthy cop Nick Miller. This time there's a serial killer in the mix, and an escaped convict, too. Higgins's style and manner of storytelling in this novel is very similar to any of his recent books, and I'm surprised that the Nick Miller series hasn't been reprinted much sooner. Fast-moving and evocative (Higgins does weather really well).

A New Drive-In Theater!

home: " We are currently under construction of a Drive-In Theater just outside of Tomball, Texas! It will be the best family fun in the northwest Harris county area. For those of you who remember going to the drive-in, and the freedom of watching the latest movies from the comfort of your own car, we hope this brings back fond memories. And for those of you who have never been to a drive-in you are in for a great time! You can bring your kids in their pj's and let them drift off to sleep as you stay up late watching movies. Or bring your sweetheart for a night out at the movies without being shhhshed by other movie goers. Come early and enjoy a snack or a complete meal at our 3200 square foot concession stand. Drop by during intermission or any time you like. We'll have everything from popcorn and sodas to pizza and cheeseburgers."

This is a long way from where I live (well over an hour's drive), but I'd like of like to see it.

Vintage Paperbacks: Good Girl Art

Vintage Paperbacks: Good Girl Art

This site has some nice cover scans in a couple of galleries. Check 'em out.

PKD Android

PKD Android

If you want to learn all about the Philip K. Dick android, here's the site for you.

The Underappreciated Art of Firecracker Labels!

I-Mockery.com | The Underappreciated Art of Firecracker Labels!: "I was happy to find out recently that I'm not alone in my admiration for firecracker art, because there's a decent amount of people on eBay who do nothing but sell and collect the labels. I've actually seen some labels go for over $100... and why shouldn't they? It's just as valid an art form as any other kind right? "

The estimable Neal Barrett, Jr. clued me in to this site. Some great labels, including "Metallic Crocodile."

Have a Great 4th, Everybody

And for those of you who want to read all about it, here's a link for you.

Run Chico Run

For years I've told people that there was a rock group named for a Gold Medal book. The group was a '60s assembly called The Damnation of Adam Blessing. The book was by Vin Packer. Now I've heard that there's a group called Run Chico Run, which was the title of a GM book by Wenzell Brown, sort of. Brown's title had commas in it. I have no idea of the members of the group have heard of Brown's book, but it does seem likely. So now there are two rock groups that I believe to have been named for GM novels.

Rilke on Black -- Ken Bruen

I've read almost all of Ken Bruen's crime novels now, so I'm rationing the last two or three. Rilke on Black is pure hardboiled noir, a sort of Gold Medal novel for the 21st century, even though it was written way back in the 20th. Nick, a nightclub bouncer, gets mixed up not only with the wrong woman but with the wrong guy. Not that Nick is any prize, himself. The three of them kidnap a wealthy businessman, and (surprise, surprise) things go wrong. But not all of them are the kinds of things you expect, and when they really start rolling downhill there are plenty of genuine surprises in store. Violent, poetic, and funny. Check it out.

But Enough about Me

Taking a break over on the photoblog, I've temporarily dispensed with the photos of me and my family and posted a few covers of old SF digests.

Speaking of Bad Movies. . .

. . . my wife is in the other room watching (I'm not making this up) Ishtar for the (I'm not making this up, either) third or fourth time. She loves that movie. I don't know that this proves. I try not to think about it.

The Moviegoer

Lee Goldberg had a blog post the other day about how bad the summer movies are, and Jim Winter complains about the prices. Ray Banks takes them gently to task.

As for me, I can only quote one of my favorite novels, Walker Percy's The Moviegoer. Here's what the narrator, Binx Bolling, has to say: "Our neighborhood theater in Gentilly has permanent lettering in front of the marquee reading: Where Happiness Costs so Little. The fact is I am quite happy in a movie. Even a bad movie."

Me, too.

Houston Crime Lab Problems

Home * Office of the Independent Investigator for the Houston Police Department Crime Laboratory and Property Room: "The Office of the Independent Investigator issued the Third Report of the Independent Investigator for the Houston Police Department Crime Laboratory and Property Room"

The next time you're watching CSI and think how cool it is, you might want to remember the troubles of the Houston Crime Lab. Incompetence, lack of supervision, lack of funding, you name it. With devastating results. The third report of the independent investigator is 83 pages long in PDF format. Well worth your time if you care about that sort of thing.

Now We Know Why They Call Him "Mr. Fantastic."

IOAN GRUFFUDD - GRUFFUDDS SHRINKING PENIS

Film-makers had to shrink IOAN GRUFFUDD's genitals for the new FANTASTIC FOUR movie - so he wouldn't alarm young cinema-goers.

The Welsh actor plays MR FANTASTIC in the summer blockbuster, and found the character's lycra outfit a little too revealing.

He explains, "I started out wearing a codpiece under the suit.

"Then memos started arriving from the studio that we needed to make it smaller and smaller until I was like Action Man."

More Pics

My photoblog has been updated. More pics from my sordid past, including at least one featuring the infamous Birth Control Glasses.

Today's Tasteful (no pun intended) New Product

Description

As they say on the 'net, Not Safe for Work.

What? There aren't any alligators in the sewers?

Are these college oral-sex parties for real?: "Many say rainbow parties are just a new urban legend - suburban, actually - not much more trustworthy than the old stories about alligators in the sewer."

Voodoo, Ltd. -- Ross Thomas

Sometimes I wonder why I don't just re-read Ross Thomas over and over, the way some people (you know who you are) re-read Rex Stout's Nero Wolfe series. For me, Thomas is The Master.

In Voodoo, Ltd. Artie Wu and Quincy Durant are back, along with their great supporting cast: Otherguy Overby, Booth Stallings, and Georgia Blue. This time they're working a blackmail case involving a beautiful movie star who's pretty sure didn't kill a man named Billy Rice. Her lawyer hires a couple of kinky British hypnotists to help her remember, and they disappear with the tapes they've made of their sessions with her. As usual with Thomas, things get really complicated after that. Everybody has ulterior motives (even the good guys), nobody's telling everybody everything, and the bodies start to pile up. Smooth, stylish, plenty of action, lots of great dialogue, what more could you ask for? Every time I re-read a book by Thomas I wonder why I've wasted my time reading some big bestseller when I could just pick up something like Voodoo, Ltd. and read it again.

I'm on Her Side

local6.com - News - Woman Who Won Topless Court Fight Plans To Bare Breasts Again: "DAYTONA BEACH, Fla. -- A woman who won a court fight over her right to bare her breasts in public plans to protest topless on Saturday at a city auditorium.

Liz Book has said it is unfair that only men are allowed to go topless in public places and that women are fined for flashing their breasts at events like Bike Week.

Elizabeth Book planned to stage the protest at the Peabody Auditorium next to three statues of women nude from the waist up."

Moonlight Graham

ESPN.com - MLB - 100 years ago, Doc moonlighted as baseball player: "NEW YORK -- Even a century later, there's still a mystique in the ol' Moonlight.

Archibald Wright Graham only played one game in the big leagues, and it was a glimmer at best. He never got to bat, and was simply a defensive replacement in right field.

'Field of Dreams' thrust Moonlight Graham into the cultural consciousness.

'Two glorious innings in the garden,' the New York Evening Telegram reported then.

Hard to believe how that brief stint for the New York Giants on June 29, 1905 -- exactly 100 years ago Wednesday, at a ballfield in Brooklyn -- became such a part of baseball lore."

Click the link for the rest of the story.

A New Blog

In a post below, Jeff Meyerson mentions that he was given a photo of himself and Jackie in 1971. Just thinking about that drove me into a frenzy of nostalgia, so I created a photo blog. It's located here. It's just a hodgepodge of stuff, and it's only for people who have an inordinate curiosity about looking at other people's old pictures.

Stella's Not Feeling Groovy

How 'Stella's' groove got away from her: "After convincing older women that they can find love with a man half their age, best-selling writer Terry McMillan's Tea Cake has run off -- with a man. Jonathan Plummer was 20 years old and McMillan was 43 when they met while she was staying at a Jamaican resort in 1995. At the time, McMillan had made millions from her novel 'Waiting to Exhale' and was so popular she once complained that she couldn't walk through an airport without sisters stopping her.

But apparently brothers in the United States weren't interested, because McMillan was in Jamaica getting turned on by a local just like legions of other lonely American women who go to the Caribbean looking for romantic adventure. Only McMillan did what a lot of other women wish they could do. She brought the young man home, put him up in her $4 million home, and married him three years later.

Her widely read novel How Stella Got Her Groove Back is based, in part, on the steamy affair between McMillan and Plummer. McMillan is now 53. Plummer is 30 -- and he has come out of the closet. McMillan has filed for a divorce, claiming Plummer 'lied about his sexual orientation' and that he married her 'only to gain U.S. citizenship.'"

A Whole Lot about Zorro

calendarlive.com: Zorro still makes his mark: "He seems like a devil-may-care playboy, pursuing women and good times in equal measure. Yet that's only a ruse: In reality, he's a masked hero who emerges from a secret hide-out to fight injustice wherever he finds it.

Bruce Wayne and his alter ego, Batman? No. It's the original Caped Crusader — Zorro. And 86 years after he first appeared in a pulp magazine story, the early 19th century California hero is poised to become the next pop culture craze"

Border Town Girl -- John D. MacDonald (Part 2)

A while back I posted about the title novella in this book. (I used a different cover, too.) Ed Gorman suggested that I re-read the second novella, "Linda," so I did. After I got into it, I remembered it pretty well, and it's still a dandy story, about a steady, unimaginative guy who marries a flashy woman whom he longed for when they were in high school. After a while he finds out that maybe being married to her isn't as great as he'd thought it would be, and before long, he finds out some even worse things about her. As I read this, I found myself remembering quite a bit about it, but it was still fun, right up until the ending, which seemed draw-out and contrived to me this time. Well worth reading, though. And well worth reading again.

"Batman Begins": Bruce Wayne, Defendant

Overlawyered: "Batman Begins": Bruce Wayne, Defendant: "'Batman Begins': Bruce Wayne, Defendant"

What would really happen to Bruce Wayne? Check it out at the link.

The Gun Trail -- H. A. DeRosso

I didn't know about H. A. DeRosso until a year or so ago. I believe it was James Reasoner who clued me in, and I've read a couple of DeRosso's books since then. I don't know what readers expected when they bought The Gun Trail in 1953, but I'll bet they were surprised. The plot sounds perfectly standard. It involves a deputy who's trailed a killer to the White Peaks country, a range war between a powerful rancher and all the little guys, and a beautiful woman. You might even think you could guess how it all plays out. But you'd probably be wrong. This is a brutal, grim, bloody book. There's not a sympathetic character in it, unless you feel something for the deputy, Quinton. But he's almost as bad as the others, adn they're mostly cold-blooded killers or worse. This is about as dark as it gets, folks, with no compromise.

John Fiedler, R. I. P.

New York City - AP New York: "NEW YORK (AP) _John Fiedler, a stage actor who won fame as the voice of Piglet in Walt Disney's Winnie-the-Pooh films, died Saturday, The New York Times reported in Monday editions. He was 80.

Fiedler served in the Navy during World War II before beginning a stage career in New York. He performed in supporting roles alongside Sidney Poitier on Broadway, John Wayne in Hollywood and Bob Newhart on television. "

Another Pooh voice gone, but I remember Fiedler best as Mr. Peterson on "The Bob Newhart Show." He was probably my favorite of Bob's patients, along with Mr. Carlin. And you know what's scary? Here's what's scary. I thought of him as an Old Guy when I watched the show, and he was probably ten years younger than I am at this moment. OK, that might not scare you, but it sure as hell scares me.

Proof that Nobody Copyedits Robert B. Parker These Days

From Appaloosa, p. 266: "The room was quiet and noisy."

p. 238: "Bragg took a tan leather case out of his inside coat pocket. He offered a cigar to Bragg and me."

Paul Winchell, One More Time

April Winchell: June, 2005: "I got a phone call a few minutes ago, telling me that my father passed away yesterday.

A source close to my dad, or at least, closer than I was, decided to tell me himself, instead of letting me find out on the news, which I appreciate. Apparently a decision had been made not to tell me, or my father's other children.

My father was a very troubled and unhappy man. If there is another place after this one, it is my hope that he now has the peace that eluded him on earth."

I found this link (as I did the previous one) at Mark Evanier's News from Me. I know it shouldn't surprise me that Paul Winchell, who'd brought so much laughter and pleasure to me when I was a kid, was a troubled, unhappy man. It's almost a showbiz cliche. Still, this blog entry depressed me. Life is hardly ever what it should be, I guess. A dman shame if you ask me.

Paul Winchell R. I. P.

news from me: "An amazing man died yesterday at the age of 82. Paul Winchell was a pioneer of early television, appearing on hundreds of shows with his wooden-headed friends, Jerry Mahoney and Knucklehead Smiff. He was a great ventriloquist -- maybe the best ever -- but he was also a great all-around entertainer and inventor."

I was a huge fan of Paul Winchell when I was a kid. He was just about the best ventriloquist I ever saw. Obviously he was influenced by Edgar Bergen, and of course his partners, Jerry Mahoney and Knucklehead Smiff, were a lot like Charlie McCarthy and Mortimer Snerd, but he was his own man, and Jerry and Knucklehead weren't carbon copies of any other dummies. I'm sorry to hear they've all passed on.

Clone Wars

New York Post Online Edition:: "
By LOU LUMENICK

June 25, 2005 -- TWO brand-new, very low-budget alternate versions of 'War of the Worlds' are arriving on DVD, just in time to cash in on the publicity storm surrounding Steven Spielberg's megabucks version with Tom Cruise.

Video distributors often dig up older versions of films to ride the coattails of high-profile theatrical releases, but industry experts can't remember a case of three new editions of the same classic story battling it out in the marketplace in the space of eight days.

'H.G. Wells' the War of the Worlds' - a starless edition that returns to Wells' original setting of Victorian England and is being sold at stores like Wal-Mart for as little as $8.42 - established a beachhead last Tuesday.

On Tuesday - a day before Spielberg's version hits theaters - the practically identically titled 'H.G. Wells' War of the Worlds' (which, like the Spielberg version, omits the first 'the'' in Wells' title), a contemporary rendition of the alien-invasion classic set in the southeast and starring second-string Brat Packer C. Thomas Howell, lands at Blockbuster and other stores for as little as $17.47.

Just to add to the otherworldly confusion for video customers, there are also two newly released documentaries titled 'War of the Worlds' and 'H.G. Wells and the War of Worlds,' not to mention the DVD of the first Hollywood version of 'The War of the Worlds,' made in 1953 with Gene Barry."

The rest of the article can be found at the link, but it's probably a registration site.

I (Heart) NY

New York Daily News - City News - Tassels & tussles at Queens graduation: "A graduation ceremony for sixth-graders in Queens erupted into chaos yesterday when parents fought over seats - striking a 7-year-old girl and bringing students to tears.

'Move! Move!' Moises Morales shouted at another parent just as his daughter and her 61 classmates at Public School 201 stood to sing 'Friends Forever,' witnesses said. 'I said move!' Morales, 43, yelled again near the back of the crowded auditorium on 155th St. in Flushing, witnesses said.

Morales and his pregnant wife arrived late to the morning ceremony and could not find seats, leading him to berate a woman who apparently was saving several chairs for family and friends, witnesses said.

The shouting quickly turned to shoving, and Morales hurled a bag at the woman, missing her and hitting the 7-year-old girl, police said."

A Better Man than I

Ed Gorman & Friends:: "From the the time I was ten years old or so I've been collecting comics, books and magazines. Today I divested myself of around three thousand of the damned things."

Ed Gorman's a better man than I. Instead of getting rid of books and magazines, I'm still accumulating them. And if you don't believe me, just ask some of the eBay dealers I'm enriching. I know I shouldn't be buying stuff, but I've got the habit, and I can't break it. It's genetic, I'm sure. I must have told this here before, but my father was an inveterate accumulator of all kinds of junk: bottles, lamps, glasswear, barbed wire, lightning rod balls and arrows, fruit jars, what have you. He filled up his house and two-car garage, and then he bought the little one-bedroom house next door and filled that up, too. So you can see there's no hope for me.

Batman Begins

Judy and I went to see Batman Begins yesterday, and I liked it a lot. Judy thought it was too long and that the ending was dragged out too much. I have to agree with the last part, but it's true of every action movie we've seen lately, I guess.

And in that vein, I have my usual complaint. In most of the action scenes, I had no idea what was going on. I couldn't tell who was hitting whom or with what. Why can't we have nice clean action scenes like the ones in the old movies like The Adventures of Robin Hood? I can follow what's going on in those. There were a couple of scenes in Batman Begins where I couldn't even be sure Batman was involved in the action.

And while I'm complaining, let me mention that I had trouble hearing some of the dialogue, particularly in the early going. (And don't tell me it's because I'm an Old Guy in need of a hearing aid, even if it's true.) In fact, when Liam Neeson was talking to Christian Bale in the prison scene, I thought he said that Ras Al Ghul could offer him "a bath." It took me a while to catch on that he'd said "a path." Hey, the guy did need a bath.

I thought the acting was generally very good. Gary Oldman, as the future Commissioner Gordon, gives a restrained performance (I only mention this because I never thought I'd be able to write "Gary Oldman" and "restrained performance" in the same sentence), while Cillian Murphy, as the keeper of Arkham Asylum and as the Scarecrow, gives the usual Gary Oldman performance. Michael Caine is very good, as almost always (thought it pains me that he's old enough to play Alfred the Butler). Liam Neeson is a good villain (and can it really have been 15 years since he played Darkman?). Christian Bale is an excellent Batman, with just the right amount of edginess. Rutger Hauer is appropriately slimy, and Morgan Freeman is Morgan Freeman. Finally, Katie Holmes proves that she's far too good for Tom Cruise. I hope she's ready to give up wearing heels.

The plot was a little loopy and involves vaporizing the Gotham water supply, but this is a movie based on a comic book, right? What would you expect?

And if the ending is indeed a set-up for the next movie and an encounter with The Joker, I'm ready.

So I read Robert B. Parker's new western novel last night. Didn't take long, which is no great surprise. One of the things I like about Parker's books is that they're short. That's not the only thing, of course. Just one of the things.

Some people (western writers, for example, who have a hard time getting published because "nobody reads westerns") might be irritated to discover that Parker can write what is essentially a traditional western novel with a couple of "fucks" thrown in and find it solidly on the bestseller list at the New York Times (#15 last time I looked). I mean, this book contains just about every western cliche that you can think of, and while you're reading it, you can pick out some of the movies Parker must have watched in the course of his research (Unforgiven, Rio Bravo, Gunfight at the O.K. Corral, etc.).

But Parker, being Parker, puts his own spin on the cliches, and that's part of the fun. He also throws in his usual philosophy about what it takes to be a man, why a man has to follow the rules, why a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do, and so on. Real Men know one another and understand one another. A couple of them can shake hands before a gunfight in which one's sure to be killed to let each other know there's no hard feelings. Virgil Cole, the marshal in the story, is Spenser carried to an extreme. And without Spenser's understanding of women. (Women, of course, understand women, so one character is a whore who can explain them to those of us who can't.)

The book's narrator is Everett Hitch, and some of the dialogue between him and Cole could have been lifted right out of the Spenser novels. Not that there's anything wrong with that. I enjoyed reading the book, but I like just about anything Parker writes. It doesn't stay with me long, but it's fun while it lasts.

My Bouchercon Panel

Friday September 2nd 2:30 to 3:30

The Influence of Ellery Queen

Janet Hutchings -chair
Edward Hoch
Marvin Lachman
Bill Crider

I'm happy to be on a panel with such noted EQ experts. However, I am not a noted EQ expert. For that matter, I'm not an EQ expert at all. I have a feeling I was put on this panel so the others could make fun of me.