Oscar Report, Part the Second

I became aware that the Academy Awards were a fraud when Denise Richards (left, the one who's not Neve Campbell) was shamefully omitted from the nominations after her sterling performance in Wild Things. Denise, however, was not deterred. She "stretched" for the part of nuclear scientist in The World is not Enough. Yes, a nuclear scientist. Even Niels Bohr would have been convinced. But did she get nominated? Nooooooooo. It was then that I determined that the Awards were nothing more than a "popularity contest" and not worthy of my attention. And when Denise wasn't nominated for Undercover Brother, I gave up on them entirely.

Oscar Report

No doubt you're all wondering what a hip, with-it Hollywood insider such as myself thought about the Oscar telecast last night. I didn't watch. I decided to read a book instead.

Art Buchwald in His Final Days

For many years I read Art Buchwald's column every time it appeared. He could almost always make me laugh. Then the papers I got stopped carrying it, and I never tried to find it on the Internet. I'm sorry now that I didn't.

My paternal grandfather died of diabetes, much like Buchwald is doing, after having both legs amputated. My grandfather didn't get dialysis, but I don't know that it was even available back in 1947. Like Buchwald he was upbeat, even the last time I saw him. I think they'd have liked each other.

A Visit with Art Buchwald in His Final Days:
March 04, 2006
By Suzette Martinez Standring

SOURCE:Editor & Publisher

MILTON, Mass.—Renowned author and columnist Art Buchwald has refused dialysis, and it's only a matter of time, maybe a short time, before he dies. For a man awaiting The Reaper, he's in unusually fine fettle."

Must-Read Books?

Yes, it's another list. Some I've never read and don't plan to read. One I've never heard of. I've read most of the others already, though.

Guardian Unlimited Books | News | Harper Lee tops librarians' must-read list: "Harper Lee tops librarians' must-read list

MIchelle Pauli
Thursday March 2, 2006

It was published over 40 years ago and its American author has lived as a virtual recluse ever since, but according to Britain's librarians, Harper Lee's To Kill a Mocking Bird is the book that everyone should read."

In Good Company

For a while, fifteen or twenty years ago, I thought Dennis Quaid was going to be a big star. He had the looks and that killer grin, and he could even act a little. But for some reason he never quite made it. The Right Stuff, The Big Easy, Innerspace, the remake of D.O.A., Everybody's All-American. They didn't put him over the top. Then he made Great Balls of Fire, which was pretty awful. Maybe he never recovered from that. Anyway, he still makes an interesting movie now and then, and this is one of them.

Quaid plays Dan Foreman, an ad salesman for a sports magazine, whose company is taken over by a conglomerate. Suddenly Dan finds that he has a new boss half his age. People get fired. The new boss dates Dan's daughter. Dan's wife is pregnant. You're thinking this can't end well. It does, though maybe not convincingly.

Topher Grace, who plays the new boss, Carter Duryea, manages to do very well in a part that requires him to be scared on the inside and confident on the outside (except with Foreman's daughter), and it's on his character that the movie finally turns. Both he and Foreman learn something about themselves and about the need for change, but it's Carter who has farther to go.

Things probably never work out quite so well in real life as they do in movies like this one, but then again maybe they always do. As Jake Barnes says at the end of The Sun Also Rises, "Isn't it pretty to think so."

Side by Side #3

Here we have the 1956 Graphic Books edition of Richard Powell's Say it with Bullets side by side with the new Hard Case Crime reprint.

Not That There's Anything Wrong with That

Dan Brown, Cover Your Eyes: Gay Porn 'Da Vinci' Adaptation to Be Released Same Day as Ron Howard's 'Da Vinci Code'

March 01, 2006
By Chuck Shelton

Production outfit PZP Productions has announced plans to release its gay-sex film The DaVinci Load on May 19, the same day the movie that it parodies—Ron Howard’s The Da Vinci Code—is scheduled to hit theaters.

PZP head Peter Zaragoza told Gay Video News, “The DaVinci Load is our most ambitious and expensive film to date. The star, new discovery Sebastian Young, is a hot bad-boy with a [remarkable appendage] and great charisma.”

Sunset at the Crider Manse

If you look up at the top, in the middle, you can see the fingernail sliver of the moon.

Just in Time for Texas Independence Day

The photo on the left if of the San Jacinto Monument at the battlefield were Sam Houston defeated Santa Anna. As you can see, it now overlooks the Houston Ship Channel. The story below is related to Texas Independence Day.

WASHINGTON - One of the state's most historic documents is back where it was created.

Four mounted Texas Rangers Tuesday escorted a stagecoach carrying documents penned at the birth of the Texas Republic back to the place where ink was applied to the now yellowing paper.

The Star of the Republic Museum at Washington-on-the-Brazos State Historic Site will display the 170-year-old documents beginning Thursday, which also happens to be Texas Independence Day.

The papers include what is believed to be the first draft of the Republic of Texas Constitution.

The constitution was written in 1836 at Washington-on-the-Brazos as Gen. Antonio Lopez de Santa Anna and his troops battled with Texans seeking independence from Mexico.

‘‘This document was touched by patriots,'' Land Commissioner Jerry Patterson said. ‘‘These guys heard the hoofbeats over their shoulders as they drafted this.''

The draft was lost to history until an archivist at the Texas General Land Office identified it two years ago in the agency's collections.

An armored vehicle picked up the historic document from the land office in Austin Tuesday morning to return it temporarily to the historic site on the banks of the Brazos River.

At the historic site, the papers, which were stored in a strong box, were transferred to a stagecoach escorted by four mounted Texas Rangers who took it the rest of the way home.

Lindsay Lohan's Nipples

No, I don't have any pictures. But this guy does: What Would Tyler Durden Do?

And in the interest of truth and honesty, it's only one nipple. Click the link at your own risk.

Into the Blue

I'm with James Reasoner on this one. It's not a bad little movie. But then I'm a sucker for pirate treasure. Throw in a some really nice underwater photography, Jessica Alba and Ashley Scott in bikinis, and I'm there. Sure there are people holding their breaths for what seems like five or six minutes. Sure the actors aren't ready for Shakespeare. Sure the plot's a little too cute. But who cares? Certainly not me, movie slut that I am.

My Homie!

Chron.com | Former Playmate Smith charms the high court:
"Smith's case goes to Washington and could leave with a surprising result

By PATTY REINERT
Copyright 2006 Houston Chronicle Washington Bureau

WASHINGTON - Outside the U.S. Supreme Court on Tuesday, photographers trampled each other as they tried to get glamour shots of Anna Nicole Smith, former Playboy Playmate and widow of an elderly Houston oil tycoon.

Inside the buttoned-down, no-cameras-allowed courtroom, the onetime Texas stripper, who has waged a fierce and often comical legal battle to inherit her late husband's fortune, was just another role player in heels and a conservative, knee-length black dress.

Her appearance before the highest court in the land was the latest episode in an 11-year-old Texas soap opera, and it offered the prospect of an ending worthy of the short story master O. Henry.

Judging from what happened inside the court Tuesday, Smith might just win.

Despite her uncharacteristically demure demeanor, or perhaps because of it, Smith, or her legal cause, or both, seemed to charm several men — and the one woman — on the bench."

Thanks to McGinnis expert Art Scott for the photo tip. Art believes that Anna's had a little work done. He's such a cynic.

One Tough Gramma

BBC NEWS | Asia-Pacific | Crocodile-wrestling gran honoured:
"A 61-year-old Australian grandmother has received a bravery award for wrestling a giant saltwater crocodile as it dragged her friend from a tent.

Alicia Sorohan was awoken by screams while camping in Queensland and jumped on the 4.2 metre (14ft) reptile's back in an attempt to distract it.

The animal then turned on her, breaking her nose and almost ripping her arm off before her son shot it."

Thanks to Jeff Meyerson for the tip.

Scooped Again!

Yes, once again Banjo Jones has come up with Alvin news that I missed. I beat him on the "Honk for Tittys" sign, though.

THE BRAZOSPORT NEWS: "Recently, in Alvin, former hometown of fireball pitcher Nolan Ryan, state environmental authorities handled two cases.

One was against the Wee Mart, a little rundown convenience store.

The other was against Equistar Chemicals, L.P., a wholly owned subsidiary of Lyondell Chemical Co., which is traded on the New York Stock Exchange."

The Sad Decline in the Spelling Skills of America's Youth

This morning when I was out for a little jog, I went by the Alvin High School parking lot. A little red truck parked there had this painted across the back window: "Happy Birthday! Honk for Tittys!" While I admire the sentiment, I deplore the spelling.

Another Mexia, Texas, Story

Just so you don't think Anna Nicole Smith is the only woman from Mexia, Texas, to make it big in Washington, here's story about Mary (Martin) Ourisman, Mexia High School Class of 1965. (The photo at left is from an earlier event.)

Forget the Script. Try the Backstory.: "Yee haw! Laura Bush was the surprise guest at a Texas-themed birthday party for GOP hostess Mary Ourisman yesterday. The bipartisan luncheon for 24 'Texas girls' at the Northwest Washington home of NBC4 anchor Barbara Harrison celebrated all things Lone Star: Tex-Mex food, cowboy hats and bandanas, and a fiddler. The first lady joined in a version of 'Deep in the Heart of Texas' customized for Ourisman: She's cute, it's true, Her faults are few, Just like the state of Texas.

After enough verses of that, we would have begged for a margarita.

And for all those keeping track: Harrison, who has lost four pounds on her on-air sweeps diet, skipped the tres leches cake."

Miss Smith Goes to Washington

I'm back from ConDFW, and the big news is that Anna Nicole Smith is doing the old hometow proud. Well, that and the fact that Don Knotts, Darren McGavin, and Dennis Weaver have died. A sad weekend indeed.

Star-Telegram.com | 02/26/2006 | Anna Nicole Smith case gets Supreme Court hearing: "Anna Nicole Smith case gets Supreme Court hearing
By DAVE MONTGOMERY
Star-Telegram Washington Bureau

WASHINGTON - Even participating attorneys admit that Supreme Court Case No. 04-1544 is dry and legally esoteric. So why does Marshall v. Marshall get so much attention?

Three words: Anna Nicole Smith.

Smith, whose evolution from topless dancer to celebrity widow to reality-TV star is the antithesis of dull, descends on the nation’s highest court Tuesday in her long-running claim for the fortune of her late husband, Texas billionaire J. Howard Marshall II.

The 38-year-old former Playmate of the Year is expected to be present in the court chambers as attorneys argue the case for one hour before the nine black-robed justices. But those looking for any display of flamboyance inside or outside the court are apt to be disappointed, says her companion and attorney, Howard Stern."

Con Update

So here we are in Dallas (okay, Richardson), where it's cool and rainy. We didn't go out for dinner, just had a hotdog in the con suite. Now it's time to go down for the Opening Ceremonies.

So far one actual blog reader has mentioned that he saw that I'd be here. Shall we try for two?

ConDFW

And speaking of science fiction and fantasy, as I was in the post immediately below, Judy and I are about to leave for Dallas (actually Richardson), where we'll be guests at ConDFW, a regional SF convention. If you happen to be around the Radisson Hotel at Campbell Road and Central Expressway, drop in and say "hey."

Blogging will be light to nonexistent until we return next Tuesday. See you then.

Otto Penzler, Prince among Men

Several years ago, I got a call from my wife, who said that several boxes had been delivered to our door from the Mysterious Bookshop. What, she wanted to know, had I been spending money on? I couldn't remember having ordered anything, so I was eager to see what was in the boxes. Imagine my surprise to discover a bunch of issues of The Magazine of Fantasy & Science Fiction from the 1950s and 1960s. Otto Penzler had heard that I was collecting those old digests and had sent me the ones he had in the store. It was a big thrill to go through them, look at the covers, and read some of the stores.

Yesterday, another big box from the Mysterious Bookshop arrived at the door. Sure enough, it contained more issues of F&SF, this time from the late '60s and the 1970s. Otto had found them when moving the contents of the bookshop and wanted me to have them. Wotta guy! Many more hours of fun lie ahead for me as I go through these, and I want to thank Otto here for doing me such a good turn.

Mystery*File Update -- A Tribute to Robert Colby

A TRIBUTE TO ROBERT COLBY, by Peter Enfantino: "Robert Colby died last week. A lot of people won’t even recognize the name. That’s a shame, but it’s their loss. Colby was every bit as good a writer as the other Gold Medal authors of the 50s and 60s who’ve found favor among historians and collectors. He just never had one of those million sellers like the other guys did. There was no Death of a Citizen or Hill Girl. Just respectable sales for some of his “adult” titles like Lament for Julie (Monarch, 1961) and Executive Wife (Monarch, 1964). "

Happy Birthday, Captain America!

According the the paper, Peter Fonda is 66 today. Hard to believe. To people my age (frighteningly close to his age), he'll always be Wyatt, an Easy Rider looking for America.

iBooks Down the Tube

A Writer's Life: "I've heard from several authors with deals at iBooks that the publishing company, which was run by the late Byron Preiss, has declared bankruptcy and is folding. This puts many upcoming releases in doubt and quite a few authors I know are very worried about the status of the rights to their unpublished books (not to mention if they will ever see the royalties on their past titles for the company). It's sad news all around."

I was sorry to read this on Lee Goldberg's blog today, mainly for selfish reasons. On Tuesday I got an e-mail from a Japanese literary agency asking about reprint rights to We'll Always Have Murder, the book I did featuring Humphrey Bogart. No way that deal will ever be made now, I guess.

Flash Fiction

If you haven't checked out Tribe's flash fiction site lately, you should take a look. Some good stuff over there. Here's the link:
Flashing In the Gutters

Some Beautiful Covers to See Here

Division: Pulp Fiction Magazines: "Before we had television, we read pulp fiction magazines.

Frank Munsey revolutionized magazine publishing in the late 1890's, when he made ARGOSY into something totally new: it published only fiction, and was printed on the cheapest paper available.

For sixty years, you escaped your miserable existence (in War or Depression) with vast tales of larger-than-life heroes, fantastic romances, and incredible adventures of people who might just be you some day (when you grew up).

By the early 1950's the Pulp Magazines were all but dead, victims of television and a change in public tastes. But they left an imprint on American (and World) culture that survives to this day.

Here are some for you to look at; and now you can imagine what it was like to read them."

Robert Colby, R. I. P.

I heard from Peter Enfantino this morning that Robert Colby passed away last weekend. Colby was a prolific paperbacker for a number of houses, including Gold Medal, where he published what might be his best novel, The Captain Must Die, a book that I wish Hard Case Crime would reprint because it deserves a wider audience.

Mystery*File Update

Steve Lewis continues to update the Day Keene material. New cover scans, new items in the bibliography, etc. Check it out.
GOLD MEDAL CORNER - DAY KEENE, by Bill Crider

Happy Anniversay to Me

The copyright page says "February 1981." That means that it's been 25 years since the infamous Nick Carter thriller The Coyote Connection was unleashed upon an unsuspecting world.

It seems like only yesterday that I thought I'd soon be right up there with Mary Higgins Clark on the best-seller list. Somehow it didn't happen. Still, it's been a great 25 years. I didn't make a million bucks, I didn't get my name in lights, I didn't even get a movie deal. But who cares? I've published 60 or 70 books (who's counting?) under various names including my own, I've done a bunch of short stories, and I've had a lot of fun. What's money compared to that? (That's a rhetorical question. Please don't bother to answer.)

I'm on Mary's Side

New York Daily News - Home - Lloyd Grove's Lowdown: Higgins Clark caught up in copycat fight: "Did rich and famous author Mary Higgins Clark steal the story line for her 29th novel from a little-known Israeli writer's screenplay on the same subject?

Dalia Gal claims in a lawsuit that Clark's book, 'The Second Time Around,' recycled the plot, key scenes and characters, and even character names from Gal's screenplay about intrigue in the drug industry."

Headline of the Day

'Brokeback Mountain' Tops British Academy, with 'Capote' in Line Behind

The Lost Kingdom -- Bernard Cornwell

The Lost Kingdom is the first book in a proposed trilogy about Alfred the Great. I don't read a lot of historical fiction these days, but I like Bernard Cornwell's writing, and George Kelley recommended that I give this one a try. I'm glad I did. Viking adventures have always appealed to me (a long-time favorite is The Long Ships, both book and movie), and this one stacks up well.

The narrator of the novel is Uhthred, captured by the Danes at the age of ten. He grows up as a Viking, but his heart is still in England. Eventually he'll have to make a big choice. Nothing new here, and the novel doesn't break any new ground, but it's good reading, with plenty of historical detail and the "shield wall" and other things. I learned a lot (not that I'll remember it), and had a fine time doing so. The trade paperback edition that I read has over 300 pages, but it moves right along at a fine pace. I've enjoyed Cornwell's first-person narration in other books, both contemporary thrillers like Wildtrack and Scoundrel, and historical mysteries like The Gallows Thief. He's equally adept at it here. If you're looking for a fast-moving historical novel as a change of pace, check this one out.

A Letter from William Faulkner

ABC News: William Faulkner letter auctioned for $18,000: "Feb 19, 2006 — LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - A letter by author William Faulkner complaining about a screenwriting contract with a Hollywood studio sold today for nearly $18,000, according to auction house Bonhams & Butterfields.

The two-page, typed letter was written by the Nobel prize-winning author of 'A Fable' and 'Soldiers' Pay' to his agent in August, 1943."

You know what's interesting to me? It's the two novels they chose to associate with Faulkner's name. I mean, if you were going to come up with the titles of two Faulkner novels, would those be the ones?

Of course the price for the letter makes me wonder how much mine are worth.

Okay, I just got off the phone with Bonham & Butterfields. They told me mine are worth four cents each, if the stamps haven't been canceled.

The World Has Been Waiting for This!

A new Anna Nicole Smith movie! Who cares about this year's Academy Awards ceremony? I can hardly wait for 2007, when this will be up for "best picture" and Anna Nicole will be nominated for "best actress." My hometown will be so proud. (Thanks to Jeff Meyerson for the tip.)

New York Daily News - Home - Ben Widdicombe's Gatecrasher: Pic gets under Molly's skin: "I adore B- and even C-grade movies, but they might have to add a few letters to the alphabet to do justice to 'Illegal Aliens,' a new spoof starring Anna Nicole Smith and Joanie (Chyna) Laurer.

The plot: 'Three aliens morph into superhot babes and arrive to protect the Earth from the intergalactic forces of evil.'

Laurer, a former WWE wrestler turned reality-TV star, got on the phone to plug her debut as a leading lady (not counting the porn tape she once released with her ex-boyfriend). 'I play a crazy, deadly, psycho bitch alien who wants to take over the planet,' she says.

And how was working with Anna Nicole? 'She's extremely nutty,' says Laurer, who admits that she herself is 'a campy, corny person anyway.'"

Blogger Run Amuk

Several posts I've made recently have disappeared. Blogger has been eating them, it seems, and they can never be recovered. No great loss, however. I'm going to try to republish the blog, and blogger might eat everything. We'll see.

I Wonder if Lawrence Block Knows this Guy

Vietnam latest news - Thanh Nien Daily: "As songbirds awaken the early risers at dawn on the farm, one resident is already up; in fact, he never slept – not once in the past 33 years.

You’d think going without sleep for that long may have its drawbacks, but not for the man in central Quang Nam province who has never been ill after decades of insomnia."

Several Very Interesting Articles about "Dean Hudson"

eFanzines.com - Earl Kemp: e*I* Vol. 5 No. 1: "The Whitewash Jungle*

By Earl Kemp

Part One

Surely it can’t be true, that persistent rumor I keep hearing that Mother Lombino’s two-faced son is cleaning up his past. Evan Hunter/Ed McBain is denying a major portion of his illustrious writing career…those freewheeling, easy-money years when he was almost much better known as Dean Hudson."

Essential reading if you're a guy who loves old paperbacks, pen names, and that sort of thing.

An Article, Followed by a Short Movie

Chron.com | HPD may add cameras to ranks (with audio): "HPD may add video cameras to its ranks
Officer shortage leads city to look at surveillance of streets, malls — even some homes

By ALEXIS GRANT
Copyright 2006 Houston Chronicle

Facing a shortage of police officers, Police Chief Harold Hurtt called Wednesday for a new type of patrol: surveillance cameras on downtown streets, apartment complexes and shopping malls — and in extreme situations, private homes.

'If you're not doing anything wrong, why should you worry about it?' Hurtt told reporters."

Scene: A Houston Courtroom

Prosecuting Attorney: Judge, this man mooned a surveillance camera. I suggest you throw the book at him.

Judge (looking around): I can't seem to find a book. Baliff!

Baliff: I'm sorry, Judge. I removed the bible. The Jews wouldn't swear on anything except the Old Testament, the Catholics wanted the Apocrypha to be included, the Muslims demanded a Koran, the -- well, anyway, I said the hell with it and tossed the book.

Judge (suspciously): Do you mean the Christian hell?

Baliff (hastily): Oh, no, sir! I just meant some vague cartoon hell, you know, like the one in The Far Side.

Judge (nostalgically): Damn, I miss Gary Larsen.

Baliff: Did you just use a shortened form of a profanity? Sir.

Judge: It was just a vulgar colloquilisim. What were we talking about, anyway?

Prosecuting Attorney: You were going to throw the book at the defendant.

Judge: I don't have a book. (Looks around, picks up gavel.) I do have this neat wooden hammer. I could throw that.

Defendant cowers.

Prosecuting Attorney: That would be swell, Thor. I mean, Sir.

Defense Attorney (piping up): But my client didn't intend to moom the camera! He was in his bathroom.

Judge (confused): The moon was in his bathroom?

Defense Attorney: No, sir. My client was. He was weighing himself and removed his shorts so they wouldn't give a false reading.

Prosecuting Attorney: That's a lie! Throw the hammer at him, Judge.

Judge: How about I just give him five life sentences?

Prosecuting Attorney: Fine. If they're stacked.

Defense Attorney: No deal. They have to run consecutively.

Prosecuting Attorney: Deal.

Judge: Fine. Done and done. Next case!

Baliff drags defendant away. Defendant kicks and screams as we fade out and fade in on the office of The Police Chief, who is sitting at his desk reading a newspaper. We see the headline: "Mooner in the Can for Life!"

The Mayor appears behind the Chief and puts a hand on his shoulder.

Mayor: Another foul miscreant off the streets. Good work, chief. How does it feel to be the instrument of justice?

Chief: God, it feels good.

Mayor: By "God," did you mean the Christian diety, the Muslim diety, or some pagan diety?

Chief: I was just referring to some vague cartoon god, you know, like the one in The Far Side.

Mayor: Damn, I miss Gary Larsen.

Fade out.

Pedro Gonzalez-Gonzalez, R. I. P.

Thrilling Days of Yesteryear : "Nostalgia isn't what it used to be." -- Peter DeVries: "Character actor Pedro Gonzalez-Gonzalez has passed away at the age of 80, and the best way I can describe the man is that he was the William Huang of his time. He was able to parlay a 1953 appearance on Groucho Marx’s You Bet Your Life (where he was introduced as Ramiro G. Gonzalez) into a movie and television career, most notably in several John Wayne movies, The High and the Mighty (1954) and Rio Bravo (1959)."

We always listened to You Bet Your Life at our house, and I vividly remember the show on which Gonzalez-Gonzalez appeared. I'd never heard my parents laugh so hard. And of course I remember Gonzalez-Gonzalez as the hotel keeper in one of my favorite westerns, Rio Bravo. I hadn't heard anything of him in years, but I'm sad to learn he's gone.

Mystery*File Update

MYSTERY*FILE ON-LINE: "Feb 16. DAY KEENE BIBLIOGRAPHY. Thanks to Monte Herridge, Bill Pronzini and Richard Hall, many new stories have been added to Keene’s pulp fiction bibliography, including six under his real name, Gunard Hjertstedt, and nearly 20 others as by Keene from Short Stories magazine. Victor Berch has done some research, and here also is his theory of how Day Keene came to choose the name."

Some great new stuff here. Check it out.

The Kinkster

The Austin Chronicle: News: Here Comes the Guv: [Kinky] Friedman is determined to get his name on the ballot and to win the race for governor. He and his supporters are fed up with the "business as usual," he says, which has done nothing but tarnish the Lone Star State, destroy Texas' sense of pride, and increase voter apathy and distrust of government. As evidence, he ticks off a list of shameful rankings: first among the states in dropouts and in executions, last in education and in the percentage of people with health insurance – and that's only the beginning of the list. In short, Friedman says, "the soul of Texas is riding on this [election]." Kinky Friedman, or, as he'd have it, The Guv, is determined to save it from the abyss.

The link goes to a long article from which I've extracted a one-paragraph sample. I'm still trying to make up my mind about the governor's race. I can't think of a single good thing to say about Rick Perry, our current Guv (except that he has good hair), so even as weird as it seems, the Kinkster's candidacy has a certain appeal to me. I hope he'll at least manage to get on the ballot. If he does, there's no question that he'll make the race the most interesting one in Texas in a long time.

Flaming London -- Joe R. Lansdale

When you want full-bore balls-to-the-wall weirdness, Joe Lansdale is the go-to guy. Flaming London is the sequel to Zeppelins West (and also to Joe's novella "The Steam Man of the Prairie"). If you haven't read Zeppelins West, you should probably do that before you read any further here because I'm going to tell you that Ned the Seal was about the only survior of the earlier book, although a couple of others put in a brief appearance. In this one Ned teams up with Mark Twain and Jules Verne as they try to save an alternate Victorian earth from the Martian invasion described by H. G. Wells in The War of the Worlds.

Flaming London is a very short novel, but there's a lot going on. It has Martians with tentacles and two assholes, a giant ape, the Steam Man, trips by balloon (and several other gadgets), pirates, the Flying Dutchman, and, well, a lot of other stuff. If you're looking for tight plotting, look somewhere else. What you've got here is action, scatalogical (and other) humor that provides plenty of laughs, and some commentary on the human condition courtesy of a literate seal. You also have one of the most blatant set-ups for a sequel since the heyday of Edgar Rice Burroughs.

Mark Twain may the one of the major characters, but it's Ned the Seal who gets all the best lines. Tim Truman's artwork is a fine complement to the text. You know you need this book, so what are you waiting for? Go get it.

Damn Near Dead

Duane Swierczynski has announced the line-up for the Damn Near Dead anthology. You can have a look right here: Secret Dead Blog.

New Issue of Hardluck Stories

Hardluck Stories - Best Hardboiled and Noir fiction

This is a great issue. Fiction by Ed Gorman, Ken Bruen, JA Konrath, Robert W. Walker, Pat Lambe, Adrian McKinty, Harry Shannon, and Dave Zeltserman. Check it out.

Mystery*File Update

The Short Fiction of EARLE BASINSKY: "
One of the two crime novels of Earle Baskinsky, an author encouraged to go into writing by his wartime buddy Mickey Spillane, is included in the checklist of Dutton’s line of hardcover Guilt Edged mysteries. The other was a paperback original from Signet. Checking into his career a little more diligently, it was quickly discovered that Basinsky also wrote three short stories. Who better to tell us about them than Mystery*File’s own expert on the crime digest magazines?"

Not That There's Anything Wrong with That

BREITBART.COM - Nelson Releases Homage to Gay Cowboys: "Nelson Releases Homage to Gay Cowboys
Feb 14 8:37 PM US/Eastern

NASHVILLE, Tenn.

Country music outlaw Willie Nelson sang 'Mammas Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Cowboys' and 'My Heroes Have Always Been Cowboys' more than 25 years ago. He released a very different sort of cowboy anthem this Valentine's Day.

'Cowboys Are Frequently, Secretly (Fond of Each Other)' may be the first gay cowboy song by a major recording artist. But it was written long before this year's Oscar-nominated 'Brokeback Mountain' made gay cowboys a hot topic.

Available exclusively through iTunes, the song features choppy Tex-Mex style guitar runs and Nelson's deadpan delivery of lines like, 'What did you think all them saddles and boots was about?' and 'Inside every cowboy there's a lady who'd love to slip out.'"

Someone at Publishers Weekly Likes Me

I'm not saying "loves me," mind you, but here's the review for A Mammoth Murder, due in April. Start saving your money to buy several copies.

"Brisk and funny dialogue propels Crider's diverting 13th mystery to feature Texas Sheriff Dan Rhodes (after 2003's Red, White, and Blue Murder). When a dead body turns up in a Blacklin County forest better known for its bigfoot sightings, Rhodes hopes the murderer won't be as hard to catch as the legendary monster itself. One morning, town character Bud Turley alerts the sheriff that he's found bigfoot's tooth in a patch of woods notable mainly for its feral pigs-and for a local boy having disappeared there years back. When the fossil tooth proves to be that of a mammoth, Rhodes isn't surprised, but when the corpse turns out to be Turley's best friend-and when another murder takes place nearby, not long after-things really get complicated. Turley, meanwhile, has already summoned amateur bigfoot investigators nationwide to come to Blacklin County to investigate. Fans and newcomers alike will enjoy this playful romp with a Texas drawl.
"

Sometimes the Jokes Just Write Themselves #2

Janie's Got a Gun. Or did he say "Cheney's Got a Gun"? Hear for yourself.

Side by Side #2

Donald Hamilton and Charles Williams (see Side by Side #1) are a couple of my favorite writers, and I'm gald Hard Case Crime is reprinting them.

Some Guys Still Like Westerns

WLTX News 19 Welcome to Whiskey Creek, South Carolina: "(Elgin) - A Midlands man has actually built something right out of the Old West, in his backyard.

Ken White's frontier spirit has inspired a piece of living history. Three years ago, the Nebraska native got an idea from watching the old CBS show, 'Gunsmoke.'

'I was sitting one night watching 'Gunsmoke,' and thought it might be pretty neat if I could build something like that. So that's what started it all.'

Using wood from old barns on his family's land back home, he started constructing a miniature town that looks to be right out of the Old West. There are two hotels, a church, a saloon, a jail, a doctor's office, a funeral parlor, a dry goods store, a post office, a blacksmith's shop, an outhouse and a wash house."

I Know a Couple of Guys Who Have Probably Already Started to Fill Out Their Job Applications

Officers allowed to get sexual services at parlor | Chron.com - Houston Chronicle: "They enter the massage parlors as undercover detectives. They leave as satisfied customers.

In Spotsylvania County, Va., as part of a campaign by the sheriff's office to root out prostitution in the massage parlor business, detectives have been receiving sexual services from 'masseuses.' During several visits to an establishment called Moon Spa last month, detectives allowed women to perform sexual acts on them on four occasions and once left a $350 tip, according to court papers.

Spotsylvania Sheriff Howard Smith said the practice is not new and that only unmarried detectives are assigned to such cases. Most prostitutes are careful not to say anything incriminating, so sexual contact is necessary, he said."

Michael Gilbert, R. I. P.

Independent Online Edition > Obituaries: "In 1947, the publishers Hodder & Stoughton - at the time not renowned for puffing their first-time authors (as Eric Ambler had very quickly discovered a decade earlier) - issued a detective novel called Close Quarters to something like a fanfare. On the dust-jacket and to the trade they announced 'a new and coming name in Crime Fiction. Watch his career. With Close Quarters you are in on the beginning.'

This, for a publisher, was an unusually perceptive judgement. Michael Gilbert, their tiro author, garnered not only critical but reader praise from the start, and became, in a writing career that lasted nearly 60 years (his last book, The Curious Conspiracy, a volume of short stories, was published in his 90th year), one of a handful of British crime writers who were acclaimed and respected on both sides of the Atlantic."

You Just Know Harry Whittington's Going to Write a Great Ace Double about This!

BREITBART.COM - Cheney Accidentally Shoots Fellow Hunter: "Vice President Dick Cheney accidentally shot and wounded a companion during a weekend quail hunting trip in Texas, spraying the fellow hunter in the face and chest with shotgun pellets.

Harry Whittington, a millionaire attorney from Austin, was 'alert and doing fine' in a Corpus Christi hospital Sunday after he was shot by Cheney on a ranch in south Texas, said Katharine Armstrong, the property's owner."

It's News Like This . . .

. . . that gives me hope for the world.

Paris Hilton in Indian director's 'Mother Teresa'? - Entertainment News - Webindia123.com: | February 12, 2006 11:15:06 AM IST

"Well known Malayalam director T. Rajeevnath, scouting for a suitable actress to play the title role in his film on Nobel Peace laureate Mother Teresa, has sent feelers to American actress Paris Hilton.

'My agents in California have contacted Paris Hilton,' Rajeevnath told IANS.

The director said he was impressed when he read a report sometime ago in which the hotel heiress said she had refused to pose nude in Playboy magazine and decided then to shortlist her."

Maybe We Can Impeach Him

FOXNews.com - U.S. & World News - Prosecutors: Jury's Morales Letters Faked: "SAN FRANCISCO — Lawyers for a death row inmate, including former Whitewater independent counsel Kenneth Starr, sent fake letters from jurors asking California's governor to spare the man's life, prosecutors said Friday."

Top Twenty

The best thing I found in those letters I've mentioned here and here, is a list I made in January 1961 of my twenty favorite SF books. (You can click on the image to enlarge it.) I make no apologies for this list. I still love those books, even #6, Hunters out of Time, which isn't strictly a book but a novel that appeared in Amazing Stories in 1959. Number 9, Starship Soldier, is obviously a reference to the serial version that appeared in F&SF, and I probably hadn't read the novel version in 1961. You'll notice there's a lot of Heinlein on the list. I was obviously a big fan. You might also notice that there are several short story colections on the list. I came to SF reading through short stories, and I read a ton of them. There's one book on the list that I don't remember at all: Harlan Ellison's The Man with 9 Lives. I must have liked it a lot since I put it on the list, and it's embarrassing to me that I have no memory of it. I have a copy, so I'll have to check it out.

Mystery*File Update

GOLD MEDAL CORNER - DAY KEENE, by Bill Crider: "As I’ve been telling anybody who’ll listen for nearly forty years now, one of my favorite paperback writers is Harry Whittington. But this isn’t about him. It’s about a friend of his, Day Keene. Whttington and Keene shared an agent (Donald MacCampbell), which might explain why the two turned up so often at the same publishing houses, places like Phantom Books, Original Novels, Ace, Graphic, Pyramid, Avon, and of course Gold Medal. "

This is an article that originally appeared in the print version of Mystery*File, with some slight changes. Steve Lewis has compiled an excellent bibliography, and there are lots of nice cover scans.

Paging Terrill Lee Lankford (Again)

Charleston Daily Mail: "Here's a tip about life: Naming something probably means it's going to stay in your home for a very long time.

That's what happened to Parkersburg resident Sarah Stapp, who was driving on W.Va. 47 five years ago when she saw what looked like a newborn kitten crawling along the highway.

'I just can't pass it by,' Stapp recalled thinking. 'I just can't do that.'

Well, it wasn't a kitten. It was a baby opossum. A near-blind, toothy, road-crossing, acting-dead-when-threatened marsupial."

Feral Pigs?

The very first Sheriff Dan Rhodes mystery, Too Late to Die, featured an encounter with feral pigs. So does the one coming out in April (cover at left). Some people wonder if there really are feral pigs running loose in Texas. Sure there are, and I wish I'd known about this classified ad before I wrote A Mammoth Murder so I could have included it. Thanks to Banjo Jones for finding the ad, even if it's a little late for me.

Why Private Eyes Love Valentine's Day

WSJ.com - One Tough Day for Two-Timers: "'It's a good holiday for business,' Mr. League says. The Greensboro, N.C., gumshoe has already scheduled five infidelity investigations for Tuesday, and plans to add two part-time sleuths to his staff of four to handle the demand."

Good Grief! I Wrote FanFic!

A while back I mentioned some letters I wrote over 40 years ago. A friend had sent me a couple of them, and today he sent me the rest. I now have a total of 33 letters and two postcards that I wrote to him when I was in college. (Naturally I didn't keep his replies.) Among the many things I didn't remember was that I wrote fanfic in one of the letters: "As I raced across the ochre sea-bottoms of Barsoom, the dying planet, astride my thoat, followed closely by the faithful Woola, I remembered the many times that my sword had drunk blood and sliced bodies to the greater glory of my planet. I thought of Tars Tarkus, Kantos Kan, Cathoris, my son, and the incomprable Dejah Thoris, Princess of Helium, my wife. The red mist, remnant of the fighting blood of my Virginia ancestors, swirled before my eyes, as I thought of being slain by the horrible Drefgs."

The Drefgs were my own invention, and the passage mercifully ends right there. As far as I know it's the only fanfic I ever wrote, but I'm not swearing to that.

More Than You Really Want to Know

This guy is definitely no James Bond.

FunReports.Com: British spy caught on tape masturbating on a stone-like transmitter: " Journalist of Russia’s First TV Channel (ORT) Viktor Shvagerus insists that Russian special services have a video of British spy Andrew Fleming masturbating on the spy stone. Two weeks ago, Russia’s FSB reported seizing of a spy electronic device belonging to the British intelligence designed as a stone. But it turned out later that the national TV channels did not show the most interesting part of the spy scandal."

Side by Side

It's always fun (to me) to look at the new covers that appear on the Hard Case Crime editions and compare them with the originals. Here was have the original Gold Medal cover for A Touch of Death paired with the new one. Both very nice. Note the cover blurb on the earlier one. I agree.

Holmes on the Range -- Steve Hockensmith

I went to Steve Hockensmith's signing at Murder by the Book last night and picked up a copy of the hardcover, though I did a blurb for the book and had already read an ARC. So you can tell I liked it.
Though this book is set in Montana around 1892, St. Martin's is wisely marketing it as a mystery novel, which it is, and not as a western, which it also is. Old Red and Big Red Amlingmeyer are a couple of cowboys who admire the exploits of Sherlock Holmes (who's a real person as we all know). Old Red decided to emulate the Holmesian method in solving the murder of the general manager of their ranch, and the fun begins.

If you've read Steve's stories in EQMM about the Amlingmeyer brothers, you know you're in for a good time with this well-plotted mystery. And plenty of laughs as well. Check it out.

Over at Ed's Place

Gormania: "I'm always interested in the lives and working methods of other writers so toward that end I'm beginning a series called Pro-Files in which various professional writers answer the same seven questiions.

Pro-Files launches tonight with one of the most skilled and neglected writers working today. Bill Crider's books and stories have been giving me true pleasure for well over two decades now."

Ed is too kind. He might get an argument from some small-minded persons on that "skilled" bit.

You Won't Want to Miss this One!

Houston's Mystery Book Store Since 1980 - Murder by the Book:

"MBTB's Noir Night II

Monday, May 8, 2006, 6:30 p.m.

Ken Bruen, Steve Brewer, Reed Farrel Coleman, Bill Crider, Peter Spiegelman, Jason Starr, Duane Swierczynski"

Priest -- Ken Bruen

You didn't expect me to wait until next year to find out what's going on with Jack Taylor, did you? Of course not. I bought the British paperback at Murder by the Book the other day and read it the following evening.

I wasn't at all sure how Jack was going to survive the terrible event that concluded The Dramatist. Now I know, but I'm not going to tell you. You'll have to buy Priest to find out. But survive Taylor does, and he's asked to investigate the beheading of a priest. There's abuse of children involved, and Jack has other problems as well. A young man named Cody wants to be his partner in the p.i. business. Ridge is being stalked. Jeff and Cathy, devastated by the death of their daughter, are on Jack's mind and conscience. They both turn up, and Cathy threatens Jack's life.

There's an REM song that Jack mentions often, "Hurt." Jack seems to prefer the Johnny Cash rendition, but the words are the same: "I will let you down. I will make you hurt." Anybody who associates with Jack should take those words to heart. They might as well have been written about him.

You might think (or hope) that this will be the time that Jack sees a light at the end of the tunnel. As usual, if he does, it's just a will o' the wisp, luring him on into an even deeper darkness. The end of Priest leave a number of questions unanswered, but it's just as terrible for Jack as the ending of The Dramatist, if not more terrible. Now I'll have to wait another year to find out what happens to him next.

D. B. Cooper, Where Are You?

Arkansas Times: "A Mena resident who found the only money recovered from the famous 1971 D.B. Cooper plane hijacking and robbery is preparing to sell what is left of his bounty.

Brian Ingram, who is now 34 years old, came across a buried bundle of twenty-dollar bills in 1980 while camping with his family on the banks of the Columbia River in Washington state. "

David Goodis

microbrewjournalism - Shooting pool with David Goodis: "If I had two hours to live, I would spend most of it watching Dark Passage, the best movie every made. "

James Reasoner pointed me to this page with a post to rara-avis. Some interesting commentary, along with great cover scans.

Janes in Jail [Not Starring Sybil Danning]

14 WFIE, The Tri-State's News Leader: New Jail Goes Wild: "There was also concern that male inmates were able to watch women in certain cells take showers and use the toilet. Jailers say that problem has been fixed by moving all the women to a different housing pod.

Williams says, 'Those women were putting on a show. It wasn't that they didn't want to be seen. They were performing.'"

Ray Rhodes

Anna Nicole Smith isn't the only famous person from my hometown of Mexia, Texas. The defensive coordinator for the Seahawks is Ray Rhodes, the best football player to come out of Mexia High School. He was an excellent defensive back even then, and he starred in the NFL. Now he's coaching (he was head coach in Philadelphia for a while). He's several years younger than I am, but I knew his father. When I was in high school, I worked at a freight line, and his father was the stock manager at the local J. C. Penney's store. I saw him nearly every day of the week in the summers when we delivered the freight to Penney's. So naturally I'm rooting for the Seahawks today.

The Notorious Bettie Page Update

I've already mentioned this movie, and I now direct you to the poster and to the pin-up. Hotcha!

Letters, We Get Letters

Yesterday I got a couple of letters from a friend of mine. They didn't arrive in the mail, and he didn't write them. I wrote them back in 1960 and 1961 when I was in college. (He has several others that he claims to be saving for blackmail purposes.) As you can see, there were no ZIP codes in those days, and postage was four cents. A long time gone.

So what did I talk about in those letters? Girls, books, and movies. I haven't changed much. Somewhere along the line I was supposed to grow up, but I'm afraid it didn't happen. Now it's too late.

Here's a sample movie review: "The only movie I've seen lately is The Wackiest Ship in the Army, and it was pretty lousy."

Here's a sample book review: "I've just finished reading Day Keene's World without Women. You've got to get it."

The scary thing about reading those letters was how easily I could slip right back into that time. The years just dropped away. I know I can't go back, but it's nice to have the memories.

Mystery Circus - the Carnival of Crime

Mystery Circus - the Carnival of Crime: "The mission of the Circus is to push, promote and make people aware of the best cool new stuff in the world of crime fiction - be it books, short stories, comics, online, offline, whatever. We have a stack of very good ezines regularly putting out excellent new short fiction - almost entirely free to read. We have stories appearing on people's websites. We have more books, and a better and more diverse range of material, appearing in print now than at just about any other time in history. It's a wealth of material, and we want to make people aware of the Good Shit. And for people to make us aware of Good Shit that we would otherwise have missed.

We're also here to try to serve as a central hub for crime online. A meeting point, a place for cross-polination of a million online conversations. There's plenty of interesting stuff out there. Let's bring it in.

And, lastly, and perhaps least likely, we want to bring in new readers. Particularly younger readers - those fabled teens and twentysomethings with their music that I have to keep chasing off my lawn.

New Issue of Thug Lit is On-line

Thug Lit - Todd Robinson, Writing About Wrongs: "This Month in Thuglit

* A doper finds revenge and reality not all he thought they would be.
* Some say that words are weapons. One man finds out the difference between the two.
* A woman exacts burning vengeance on those who killed her man.
* Old mobsters never die. Some don’t fade away, either.
* A desperate father must find out who or what Mr. Tickles is, before it’s too late.
* Be careful which drug dealers you cross. And how hard you cross them.
* A remorseless young man gives a Master Class… on how to beat the system.
* And a radioactive freakin’ babboon. That’s right. Shut it!"

New Blogger on the Block

It's "Big Red" Amlingmeyer from Steve Hockensmith's stories and novels. For an old cowpoke, Big Red has plenty of Internet smarts. And he reviews movies, too. Check it out.

Shoot First -- Ed Gorman

One thing I don't understand about mystery readers is why they'll read mystery novels set in ancient Rome or Victorian London but turn up their noses at one set in the American West in 1888.

Which brings me to Shoot First, another fine mystery novel by Ed Gorman, who said this on his blog the other day: "A long time ago I joked that I was a nobody in three genres and that holds true today as well." I think he was kidding, in a way, but if there's any truth in what he said, then it's a shame, and it's the readers' loss.

Of course the publishers don't help. Richard Wheeler believes that publishers have a narrow idea about cover art for western novels, and that point seems proved here, where the cover at the left seems to have little, if anything, to do with the contents. I'm not sure if Ed came up with the title or if it came from the publisher, but I don't see how it fits the book any more than the rest of the cover does.

But I've digressed again. What about the book? Well, for one thing it's a mystery novel. There's a series of murders, and Sheriff Reed Matthews has to investigate. There's a lot more to the book than that, however. If you're expecting a lot of "shoot first and ask questions later" action, you've come to the wrong place. This is a book about characters -- the sheriff, the mayor, the businessmen, and a lot of others. Gorman gives as much attention to the walk-ons as most writers do to the protagonists. These are people like you and me, just ordinary folks in an extraordinary situation, and you care about all of them. There's humor and tendnerness and fear and greed and all the things that good fiction is about.

So why won't mystery fans grab it and read it? Don't ask me. All I know is that they're missing a treat if they pass it by.

Update: I wonder if Steve Hockensmith's Holmes on the Range will change things. It's being published as a mystery, not a western, though it's set in about the same era as Ed's book. Steve's book, by the way, is also highly recommended, and see above for a link to the narrator's new blog.

Mystery*File Update

MYSTERY*FILE ON-LINE: "THE NOVELS OF MARTIN M. GOLDSMITH. As a follow-up to [Steve Lewis's] review of the book on which the classic B-movie DETOUR was based, Bill Pronzini gives a brief description of the author’s other two books and provides cover scans of all three in jacket."

Sometimes the Jokes Just Write Themselves

Election Update: Do-Over on First Ballot: "Election Update: Do-Over on First Ballot
By Ben Pershing
Roll Call Staff
Thursday, Feb. 2

House Republicans are taking a mulligan on the first ballot for Majority Leader. The first count showed more votes cast than Republicans present at the Conference meeting. Stay with RollCall.com for updates."

Where Is Wyatt When You Need Him?

Tombstone marshal finds law in disorder: "Tombstone marshal finds law in disorder
He says office is out of control

Susan Carroll
Republic Tucson Bureau
Feb. 2, 2006 12:00 AM

TOMBSTONE - Deputies in this Old West city are accused of drinking on duty, lying in court and trading police protection and drugs for sexual favors from women, according to an internal memo by the local marshal.

The memo by the newly appointed marshal, Lance Crosthwait, describes an out-of-control department, with evidence lying out in the open and sex toys stashed in drawers. The marshal charged that at least one deputy knowingly used a broken breath-analysis unit for months, leading to the conviction of several people for driving while intoxicated, and that other deputies lied in official reports.

Crosthwait also wrote that one deputy promptly resigned, citing 'personality conflicts' with the new marshal after being told that everyone in the department would have to pass a polygraph and drug test. "

Attention, Terrill Lee Lankford!

Upstate couple convicted of possum possession: "OWEGO, N.Y. Possessing a possum without a permit puts people at peril."

Brokeback to the Future

It's another one of those trailers.

They're Airborne!

Airborne croc encounter prompts warning. 02/02/2006. ABC News Online: "A scientist's encounter with an airborne crocodile has prompted calls for Northern Territory residents to watch for crocs when driving near waterways.

The scientist was driving along a highway in Kakadu National Park when the two metre croc launched itself from a roadside culvert and out in front of the four-wheel drive.

Kakadu's crocodile management officer, Garry Lindner, says it is the latest in a series of reports of drivers being confronted by crocs in Kakadu.

He says drivers should watch for the eyes, which glow red in the car headlights."

James Avati

Thanks to Art Scott for this link to some wonderful cover art by James Avati. Unfortunately most of the text is in Dutch, but you can still look at the pictures.

Kung Fu Hustle

I didn't know exactly what to expect from this movie, having seen only a trailer and not having read much about it. Turns out it's an all-dancing kung-fu action comedy musical.

See there's this guy who wants to be a ganster join the Axe Gang (they all wear top hats and tuxes). The Axe guys are very evil, but they can dance. The wannbe goe to Pig Sty Alley, posing as a member of the gang, and the real gang gets involved. They get their butts kicked by three kung fu masters who are living in PSA incognito. Riled, their leader hires the second and third most dangerous killers in China to take care of things. (The #1 killer is in a mental institution.) The killers aren't good enough. Though they kill the three masters, it turns out that there are two more living there. (One of these is a woman whose ever-present cigarette stays in the corner of her mouth through the most harrowing fights.) One of the dying masters tells her that with great power comes great responsibility. (The subtitle writers had some fun.)

There's more, but why bother? The plot doesn't really matter. What you want to see is the exhilarating action scenes, which are pure fantasy. The director knows it, you know it, and it doesn't matter. They're supposed be absurd. That's the point. The whole movie is beautifully shot, and it looked great on the HDTV screen.

And it's funny. I laughed aloud more than once, and I had a big smile most of the time. If you don't like kung fu action, you'll probably hate the movie. I liked it a lot.

Jack Kerouac Manuscript Update #2

Thomas Hawk's Digital Connection: An Open Letter to Myra Borshoff Cook, Tour Organizer for Jack Kerouac's On the Road Manuscript Scroll: "An Open Letter to Myra Borshoff Cook, Tour Organizer for Jack Kerouac's On the Road Manuscript Scroll"

Some cool photos, too.

Another Era Comes to an End

LiveScience.com - Era Ends: Western Union Stops Sending Telegrams: "

After 145 years, Western Union has quietly stopped sending telegrams.

On the company's web site, if you click on 'Telegrams' in the left-side navigation bar, you're taken to a page that ends a technological era with about as little fanfare as possible:

'Effective January 27, 2006, Western Union will discontinue all Telegram and Commercial Messaging services. We regret any inconvenience this may cause you, and we thank you for your loyal patronage. If you have any questions or concerns, please contact a customer service representative.'

The decline of telegram use goes back at least to the 1980s, when long-distance telephone service became cheap enough to offer a viable alternative in many if not most cases. Faxes didn't help. Email could be counted as the final nail in the coffin."

Some of you whippersnappers don't even know what a telegram is. This is kind of sad for us old guys, though.

100 Best First Lines from Novels

American Book Review: "100 Best First Lines from Novels"

Check 'em out.

Vampyre Follow-Up

Gubernatorial candidate Jonathon Sharkey being held on 2 Indiana felony warrants: "Jonathon “The Impaler” Sharkey, who announced in Princeton Jan. 13 that he was running for governor, was arrested at his Princeton apartment about 8:30 Monday evening.

Princeton officer Todd Frederick initiated a search yesterday afternoon that led to the discovery of two active felony warrants from Marion County (Indianapolis) in Indiana.

The 2005 warrants were issued in May for stalking and in September for escape on a $100,000 bond."

Earlier posts here and here. Sounds like vampyre persecution to me.

Perfection -- Walter Satterthwait

Walter Satterthwait is the author of some fine mystery novels that you might have read, including Wilde West, Cavalcade, and Miss Lizzie. Not to mention the novels in the Joshua Croft series. Perfection is different. It's a serial killer novel, but not the usual kind. It's very funny in a dark way, it has some serious satirical point to make, and it's got a plot that sure to surprise you along the way. The plot? Two Florida cops, Sophia Tregaskis and James Fallon are tracking a killer who's "perfecting" overweight women. Just how he's doing that, I'll leave it to you to discover. And how does he find his victims? Let's just say you're never going to feel the same way about going to the supermarket again. Great stuff. Check it out.

The Brautigan Library

Burlington, Vermont. -- As the inspiration for the Brautigan Library, the only library in America exclusively for unpublished books, the late author knew what he was talking about.

Let other libraries stock "Death of a Salesman," "Lord of the Flies" or "Lassie Come Home." Nowhere else but here can you find "Sure Beats Watching Trains," the tale of a "burned-out shoe salesman ... overtaken by an alien persona." Or "Theories of Father," a "video-image-script-novel narrated by a house fly, with help from Ed Sullivan." Or "Rory Stories, Vol. 1": the "humorous adventures of a talking Shetland sheepdog named Rory O'More."

No, at the Brautigan Library you will never find a book that is on the bestseller list or even at your favorite bookstore.

Thanks to Karin Montin for pointing out this site in her comment on the Brautigan post.

The Work of the Devil -- Ennis Willie

In a weird example of synchronicity, I, like James Reasoner, went to Half-Price Books not long ago and picked up a rural crime novel from a sleaze publisher. While the book James found cost him three bucks, I got mine for a quarter. And while James's was by Glen Low, mine was by the semi-famous Ennis Willie, who wrote a lot of hardboiled novels featuring a guy named Sand.

This isn't one of those books. It's about Rick Jason, a drifter passing through one of those small southern towns that feature in a lot of books like this. There have recently been two murders in town, so naturally a beautiful woman hires Rick to be her "handyman" and guard her against the killer. The woman's husband has been dead for five years, so Rick knows what she really wants, and he gives it to her on his first night on the job.

The sex is mild by today's standards (the book was published in 1961), but Rick is so busy dishing it out to various women that there's hardly any time for detection, though of course he solves the murders by the end of the book. While this isn't in the same league with Harry Whittington or Day Keene when it comes to backwoods thrills, I was plenty entertained and kept turning the pages. I'd recommend that you read it, but I doubt that you can find a copy. There don't seem to be any available even through Internet book dealers.

Harry Stephen Keeler Alert!

village voice > books > by Devin McKinney: "The Voltaic Yoo-Hoo Acid Test
A half-forgotten mystery writer's cranium-busting novel tantalizes and antagonizes"

And you know where you can buy those Keeler novels, right? At Ramble House, that's where. And they do have the one discussed in the article linked above. Cover photo is above.

Well, that Explains It

Obesity Might Be Catching - Forbes.com: "Obesity Might Be Catching

MONDAY, Jan. 30 (HealthDay News) -- As if the close proximity of delicious, fattening foods weren't bad enough, obesity might actually be infectious.

That's the incredulous finding from new research involving overweight chickens; the study suggests that a contagious virus can make fat cells fatter. "

I do have one more question, though. How can a "finding" be "incredulous"?

Richard Brautigan

Today would have been Richard Brautigan's 70th birthday. I've never known exactly what to make of Brautigan. I read his short stories and novels back in the late 1960s and early '70s like a lot of other people, and I enjoyed them quite a bit. Fanciful, funny, poetic stuff, it seemed to me then. Literary critics didn't feel the same way, as I recall, and I suspect Brautigan's in no danger of becoming part of the canon. Still, there was something about those books, and I feel the need to read one of them again, maybe to see if I can recapture something of the way it felt to be young and to discover a writer whose work touched me in ways I didn't quite understand.

Netflix

A couple of posts below, I mentioned that I had a free trial to Netflix and that the first DVD I got was The Palm Beach Story. What I didn't mention was that about ten minutes before the end of the movie, the scenes became jerky and then advanced in little. bitty. bits. I thought my DVD player had gone haywire, so I tried to reverse the DVD. Would work. Tried the fast-forward, and it jumped to the end of the movie. Okay, so I started at the beginning. The first part of the movie played just fine, which meant that the DVD player was all right. I jumped to the defective scene. Same problem. I figured I had a faulty DVD, so I took it out of the player, planning to send it back to Netflix with a scathing letter. But then I thought it might be a good idea to have a look at the DVD itself. Sure enough, the last person to have the DVD had gotten greasy fingerprints around the outside edge. I cleaned it off, popped it back into the player, and it worked fine. Not a good experience for my first DVD from Netflix, however.

For the Wealthy M-Squad Fan

TorysMysterMovies.com - Movie collector destination.

The January Special is M Squad (September 1957-June 1960). Included is a show called "Dead Parrots Don't Talk." I'll let you make the Monty Python allusions. $350 for the set.

The Oak Ridge Boys

This afternoon Judy and I went to see a concert by The Oak Ridge Boys. I've never been a particular fan of the group, but the concert was part of a package we bought, so we went.

The group got started back in the 1940s, but the members of the current quartet have been singing together since 1973. Originally they were a gospel group, but in the late '70s they went country. Some of you oldsters will recall "Elvira" and "Bobby Sue" and others. They still do a very high energy show, and for me listening to them was well worth the price of the tickets. I was most impressed by the bass singer, whose amped voice was capable of rattling the foundations of the building we were in when he hit the really low notes. And as low as some of them were, I'm convinced he hadn't reached the bottom of his range. Best song of the afternoon was an a capella version of "Amazing Grace" just before the intermission, but they were all good. The group closed the show with the aforementioned "Elvira" and "Bobby Sue," and they rocked the house.

The Palm Beach Story

Walter Satterthwait persuaded me to take a two-week trail with Netflix. I figure that with the postal service we get in Alvin, that means I'll have about one movie delivered for free.

Anyway, the first one in my "queue," as the Netflix folks call it, was The Palm Beach Story. It's a screwball comedy written and directed by Preston Sturges. I liked it a lot. The frenetic opening is underpinned by "The William Tell Overture," which (because I'm of a certain age and very unsophisticated) made me think of The Lone Ranger. It has nothing to do with that, of course.

The story's about a beautiful wife (Claudette Colbert) who decides that her husband will never get ahead unless she divorces him and helps him out by marrying a billionaire. (I said this was a screwball comedy. It exists in a world unlike the one you and I live in and unlike the one anybody ever lived in.) She escapes the husband, Joel McCrea (and that's a terrible photo of him on the left), and meets an eccentric billionaire (Rudy Vallee) on the train to Palm Beach. McCrea follows her and is entangled with Vallee's sister, played by Mary Astor. It's all complicated and funny. The whole cast is great. Vallee even gets to sing. He and Astor use a pince-nez and a lorngette, respectively. Sig Arno plays a hanger-on named Toto and nearly steals the show, though not from the Weenie King, who appears at the beginning. Recommended for the next time you need to escape into a fantasy world with lots of laughs.

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