I'm Not in the Least Surprised

Holy gator! Pet is no crock: SouthFlorida.com: "SALEM, Wis. -- Michael Wilk was tossing back a few beers with friends when he saw God on the side of his 4-foot-long pet alligator.

Without even squinting, Wilk noticed white markings pop out against a backdrop of black scales to form the letters G-O-D.

'When I first saw it, my jaw dropped,' said Wilk, 25. 'It's just sort of like a phenomenon on it.'"

Bob Dylan on XM

Bob Dylan Theme Time Radio
July 19, 2006
Theme: Cars

Rocket 88, Jackie Brenston
Hudson Marquez discussed “Cadillac Ranch”
Cadillac Ranch, Bruce Springsteen
Bob tells about a great mondegreen – the first time he heard Bruce sing, “tearing up the road like a dinosaur,” he thought it was “tearing up the road like Dinah Shore.”
Dinah Shore’s Chevy commercial
Every Woman I Know, Billy “The Kid” Emmerson
Me and My Chauffeur Blues, Memphis Minnie
My Automobile, Parliament
Christian Automobile, Dixie Hummingbirds
Car on a Hill, Joni Mitchell
Peter Epstein Pontiac commercial
Pontiac Blues, Sonny Boy Williams
Big Green Car, Jimmy Caroll
Get out of the Car, Richard Berry
Mercury Blues, David Lindley
Mercury commercial
Too Many Drivers, Smiley Lewis
1963 Corvette Stingray commercial
Little Red Corvette, Prince
No Money Down, Chuck Berry

Two Dicks for Danger

If you watched this video, you know that Fender Tucker is a fine guitar player. You can read about his music and his bands here, and you can listen to some music, too. But Fender's real claim to fame is Ramble House, a publishing venture dedicated mainly (at first) to reprinting every novel ever written by Harry Stephen Keeler. Inevitably, thanks to his dedication to preserving only the finest literature, Fender branched out. Now he's reprinting the complete works of Ed Wood, Jr. Each volume from Ramble House contains two classic novels. You might need to click on the pictures to enlarge them and see Fender's current offerings. Fender has given each volume a title, of which my favorite is the one that heads this post. Check 'em out.

We'll Always Have Paris [Hilton]

We'll always have Paris - Style - Times Online: "We meet again on a balcony at the Sanderson hotel, surrounded by fashion shrubbery, with [Paris] Hilton, 25, in a floor-length ball gown and outsize white-rimmed sunglasses. My first question is, what happened? “I know, right?” she giggles. “Things got, huge.” And you let them? “Yes, I did.” But why? “Because there’s nobody in the world like me,” she says, smiling lazily. “I think every decade has an iconic blonde — like Marilyn Monroe or Princess Diana — and right now, I’m that icon.”

For better or worse, she is right. Last year, the author Naomi Wolf was quoted as saying Hilton is “an empty signifier you can project anything onto” — but she was wrong. To fans and haters alike, Hilton signifies the base desires of the age: money, sex and low body fat."

This article is actually worth a look. Thanks to Todd Mason for the link.

Happy Birthday, Dion!

Dion Dimucci, first with the Belmonts and later on his own, was part of the soundtrack of my life. "I Wonder Why" is one of the great white doo-wop numbers, and Dion's "Runaround Sue" is of course a classic. I can still listen with pleasure to him, to him with the Belmonts, or just the Belmonts without him. Wonderful stuff. Dion's latest CD is Bronx in Blue, and on it he accompanies himself on guitar. That's about the only instrument in the mix, if you don't count his voice. You might not think of Dion as a blues singer (or a guitarist, for that matter), but he pulls it off with aplomb. He's 67 today, but he's still going strong.

Old. Bold. Uncontrolled.

New promotion for a fine anthology.

Ed Gorman's Tribute to Spillane and More at Mystery*File

MYSTERY*FILE ON-LINE: "July 17. GORMANIA. The Mick Is Dead.

July 17. MICKEY SPILLANE (1918-2006). One of the giants of mystery and detective fiction has left us. If you were reading private eye stories in the 1950s, as I was, you probably remember exactly when and where it was when you had your first dose of Mike Hammer and mystery fiction changed forever. (The eighth grade cloakroom of McKinley School. I was twelve, and the memory is as clear to me as though it were yesterday.) I’m not sure how long the first link I found will stay online, but here on M*F, the early works of Mickey Spillane were covered briefly in the checklist of Dutton’s line of Guilt Edged mysteries. The rest of the covers can be found here."

Geezer Taunting

This is why Duane Swierczynski is going to hell.

Not That There's Anything Wrong with That

Ancient strippers still spreading their butterfly wings at prestigious university - MSN-Mainichi Daily News:

"From the land of panty vending machines and a thriving business in soiled knickers comes the news that a museum run by Japan's most prestigious private university has a collection of female stripper's undies dating back more than half a century, according to Shukan Asahi."

"A Gathering-of-Sorts"? That's a New Name for It

Bandera Bulletin: "Deputies terminated after scandalous acts
By Jessica Hawley - Lifestyles Editor

After behaving in a manner deemed intolerable by the Bandera County Sheriff's Office, a deputy has been terminated and may face criminal charges.

Deputy Amy Price was relieved of her duties June 27, following a complaint filed against her by Bandera County resident Brett Day. On June 25, Day arrived at his Lakehills home to find his wife, sheriff's dispatcher Kimberly Day, hosting a gathering-of-sorts with sheriff's deputy David Moore, Price, another sheriff's dispatcher and her husband, and Texas Ranger Lance Coleman.

According to Chief Deputy Don Berger, Day found his wife in a 'compromising position' with another individual present. After taking photographs, a disturbance reportedly broke out between Brett and Kimberly Day, Moore and Price. Sheriff's Office deputies responded to a 9-1-1 call issued by Day at approximately 2:30 a.m.

'He said that he was being attacked and chased through the brush,' Berger said, . . ."

Criminal Genius of the Day

Local & State News - Tampa Bay's 10 - tampabays10.com: "Largo, Florida - Kim Starks was arrested on Saturday for grand theft, forgery and fraudulent driver's license when she tried to withdraw over $5,000 from her mother's savings account, six months after her mom's death.

Police say Starks entered the Wachovia Bank at Largo Mall and filled out a withdrawal slip for $5,577.88, signed a name and approached the teller.

The teller noticed something wrong with the ID and called police. The woman identified herself, however the name was not the same as on the ID given to the teller.

Investigators say the ID had a taped-on photo of Starks over that of her dead mother's picture, and a pen was used to change the DOB."

Mickey Spillane, R. I. P.

Mike Hammer creator Mickey Spillane dies - Yahoo! News: "CHARLESTON, S.C. - Mickey Spillane, the macho mystery writer who wowed millions of readers with the shoot-'em-up sex and violence of gumshoe Mike Hammer, died Monday. He was 88.

Spillane's death was confirmed by Brad Stephens of Goldfinch Funeral Home in his hometown of Murrells Inlet. Details about his death were not immediately available."

Back in March, I wished Mickey Spillane a happy birthday. I loved his books (I know not everyone does), and they were a huge influence on my even if it doesn't show in my own writing. He was a Guest of Honor at the Milwaukee Bouchercon in 1981, which is where the photo at the link was taken, and meeting him was one of the highlights of my life. I'm truly sorry he's gone. As far as I'm concerned, the world was a better place when he was in it.

Gator Update

Fla. authorities begin gator-feeding sting - Yahoo! News: "IN THE EVERGLADES, Fla. - Crusty's days are numbered. The well-known 8-foot alligator has become so accustomed to people feeding him that his demise is certain. Because state wildlife managers worry all his snacks will make him aggressive, they will have to remove him from a canal along Florida's Alligator Alley in the Everglades and euthanize him.

To keep from having to kill even more alligators, officers with the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission launched a three-day undercover sting operation in Broward County on Friday aimed at catching gator feeders in the act."

Thanks to Jeff Meyerson for the link!

ConMisterio Update

Jesse Sublett plays and sings.

ConMisterio Update

Dennis McMillan, flamenco guitarist.

ConMisterio Update

Fender Tucker plays the blues.

ConMisterio Update

Fender Tucker, Jesse Sublett, Dennis McMillan jamming.

ConMisterio Update

Steven Torres.

ConMisterio Update

Lono Waiwaiole.

ConMisterio Update

David & McKenna from Houston's Murder by the Book.

ConMisterio Update

Dean James.

ConMisterio Update

Scott Cupp

ConMisterio Update

Margaret Maron.

ConMisterio Update

Harry Hunsicker.

ConMisterio Update

Chris Aldrich and Maddy van Hertbruggen.

ConMisterio Update

The shy Megan Abbott.

ConMisterio Update

Reed Farrel Coleman.

Quote of the Day

On my Google homepage: "After being Turned Down by numerous Publishers, he had decided to write for Posterity."
- George Ade

ConMIsterio Update

Duane Swiercyznski

ConMisterio Update

Graham Powell and Stephen Torres.

What Are You Missing at ConMisterio?

This is what you're missing at ConMisterio (Victor Gischler, Neil Smith, Sean Doolittle):

Red Buttons, R. I. P.

Red Buttons Has Died at 87 - Los Angeles Times: "Red Buttons Has Died at 87
By Dennis McLellan, Times Staff Writer
2:37 PM PDT, July 13, 2006

Red Buttons, the impish former burlesque comic who became an early TV sensation and an Academy Award-winning character actor during a career that spanned more than seven decades, has died. He was 87.

Buttons died today at his Century City home after a long battle with vascular disease, publicist Warren Cowan said."

Red Buttons was a big favorite of mine when my family first got a TV set. "Strange things are happening."

ConMisterio

In a couple of hours Judy and I will be leaving for ConMisterio. There's a great line-up of guests, and the convention should be a lot of fun. Damn Near Dead will be making its debut, and that's worth the trip all by itself. If you won't be there, you can get the book here.

My usual travel anxieties are kicking in, but I'm sure I'll do just fine. At any rate, blogging is likely to be sporadic until I return next Monday. I hope to have some stuff from the convention here, maybe even some surprises. It all depends on how things work out. At any rate, try to remain faithful to the blog while I'm gone, and stay out of trouble.

Dumb Crooks of the Day

WSBTV.com - News - Thieves Try To Cash Stolen Checks That Belong To Bank Employee: "Three people accused of stealing checks in Worth County went to the wrong bank to cash them.

Joyce Powell is a clerk at the Sylvester Banking Company and was at work when a co-worker in the drive-through window told her someone was trying to cash one of her personal checks.

Investigators say the three suspects had just broken into four homes in rural Worth County.

The bank employee stalled the suspects, telling the one presenting the check that he must show some sort of identification. Meanwhile, Powell checked with authorities and learned someone had broken into her house.

The suspects became suspicious and left. But 27-year-old Calvin Barfield had left his driver's license and Social Security card at the bank. It didn't take authorities long to track him to a motel in Albany."

The Blonde -- Duane Swierczynski

Back on April Fool's Day of 2005, I recommended that you read Duane Swierczynski's first novel, Secret Dead Men. In October of that same year, I exhorted you to read The Wheelman. And now it's time for me to tell you about The Blonde. I feel kind of sorry for you, since you're going to have to wait until November to read it, whereas I got this cool review copy, nyah, nyah, nyah.

This is a terrific book. It's not at all like either of the the others I mentioned, and yet it is. You might even recognize a character or two. But you won't recognize the plot, which is absolutely nonstop action from first page to last. If the movies don't jump on this one, then the guys in Hollywood are crazier than I think they are.

The book begins at 9:13 P.M. and ends the next morning at 7:58 (except for a couple of short but necessary codas). It begins in the airport in Philadelphia when a woman tells a guy named Jack that she's poisoned his drink. After that come your nanobots, your decapitations, your Sybians (I'm sure Duane heard about this on Howard Stern's show rather than having been around one himself), your secret agents, your Mad Doctors, your doomsday scenario, your Executioner-style War on the Mafia. And then, as I said of Secret Dead Men, it gets really wild.

All you have do to love this book is accept one truly outrageous premise, which I was happy to do. After that, batten down the hatches and hang on for the ride. In November, that is. When you can finally get your hands on a copy.

Like to Watch?

Have we got the job for you!

From the Arizona Republic: "Besides providing security, NBA bodyguards have taken on additional roles in the wake of Kobe Bryant's sexual assault case.

According to a GQ story on NBA groupies, some players are asking friends or bodyguards to stand in and watch any bedroom activities that might take place on the road.

That way, should an accusation surface, a witness can help sort out the truth. For the players, writer Lisa DePaulo points out, this 'isn't just kinky, it's smart business.'"

Star Wars movie in ascii

Scott Cupp sent me this link. Blame him.

The Ace Image Library

ACE Doubles (and Singles) Image Library - Main Page - ACE Books - science fiction (SF), mystery, western, potpouri - paperback publishing history, cover art and artist history: "The ACE SF Double had a 21 year life span and went through several numbering systems. In addition, the numbering system included single titles (either short novella length stories or longer, often abridged, stories that had originally been published in hardback) as well as the dos-a-dos (back-to-back) volumes.

The following set of links will take you to the image libraries I have compiled at this time. Please note that these are continually under construction. Any corrections or supplemental information should be send to my e-ddress in the link above."

I just got a note saying that this site has been updated. If you're not familiar with it, you should be. Great paperback cover images abound.

Bob Dylan on XM

Bob Dylan Theme Time Radio on XM
July 12, 2006
Theme: Flowers
The New San Antonio Rose, Bob Wills and the Texas Playboys
Grazing in the Grass, Friends of Distinction
A Good Year for the Roses, George Jones
Bob reads Robert Frost’s “A Rose is a Rose”
Bonnie Bunch of Roses, Paul Clayton
Laying on a Bed of Roses, The Muffs
Bob gives a list of state flowers
The Grapevine, Lucky Millinder
Tulip or Turnip, Duke Elllington & his Orchestra
Bob discusses “tulip mania”
Tiptoe through the Tulips, Tiny Tim
Wildwood Flower, the Carter Family
When the Roses Bloom Again, Laura Cantrell
Bob mentions golfing with Ricky Jay. (Bob golfs?) Ricky Jay tells about a woman who lived on the scent of flowers.
Only a Rose, Geraint Watkins
I Threw away the Rose, Merle Haggard
Don’t Let the Green Grass Fool Ya, Wilson Pickett
The Sharpest Thorn, Elvis Costello & Allen Toussaint

Three Matt Helm Novels Reviewed

BULLETS, BROADS, BLACKMAIL & BOMBS >> To Helm and Back ? Bookgasm: Nice review and commnetary on several Matt Helm novels. Check it out.

The Harry Potter Series: Who'll Die Next

Laying odds in the Harry Potter dead pool - BOOKS - MSNBC.com: "Warning: This story will speculate on who dies in the final Harry Potter book. If you don't want to be exposed to such opinions, don't read it."

Dorothy Uhnak, R. I. P.

Dorothy Uhnak, 76, Novelist Inspired by Police Experience, Is Dead - New York Times: "Critics often cited the authenticity of scenes and characters in reviewing her crime novels “Law and Order,” “Victims,” the “Christie Opara” series — and her first book, the semi-autobiographical “Policewoman: A Young Woman’s Initiation Into the Realities of Justice.” She preceded Joseph Wambaugh as an ex-cop writing about the netherworld of crime and was a precursor of other women who have written about tough crime-fighting protagonists, including Marcia Muller, Sue Grafton and Patricia Cornwell. Her work was translated into 15 languages and was particularly popular in France."

You'll have to register with the NYT (if you haven't already) to read the whole article, but check it out.

Never Give Up!

Defeated Da Vinci Code case historians plan appeal - Yahoo! News: "LONDON (Reuters) - Two historians who lost a plagiarism case against the British publishers of Dan Brown's bestseller 'The Da Vinci Code' plan to appeal against the verdict, court officials said on Monday.

The officials said the appeal could take place later this year, but no specific date has been set. The Bookseller reported the appeal was due to be heard in early 2007."

Let's see, now. What's the release date for the DVD of the movie?

Princess Leia's Metal Bikini Still Rules

From Wired: As movie costumes go, it was both small and fleeting, occupying only two minutes of screen time in Return of the Jedi, which many call the weakest of the original Star Wars films.

But nearly a quarter-century later, Princess Leia's slave-girl costume occupies a unique position in pop culture and shows no signs of slipping.

Fans in knock-off outfits can be seen here.

A belly-dancing routine inspired by the costume can be seen here.

There's even a website devoted to "Leia's Metal Bikini."

Cluelass

Kate Derie e-mailed the rara-avis list to say that the forthcoming titles in the mystery field are now up on her website. The July lists are now available at
http://www.cluelass.com/Shelf/
or
http://www.cluelass.com/Shelf/FullShelf.html
or
http://www.cluelass.com/Shelf/ShortShelf.html

Check 'em out.

Mystery*File Update

MYSTERY*FILE ON-LINE: "DAN J. MARLOWE. In this article, Josef Hoffman describes the relationship between Dan J. Marlowe, Al Nussbaum and Earl Drake. What’s the connection? You will have to read to find out. A bibliography follows, then an installment of Bill Crider’s Gold Medal Corner, featuring none other than Dan J. Marlowe."

More essential stuff. Check it out!

The Hoff

Lee Goldberg linked to "Secret Agent Man." Vince Keenan linked to "Hooked on a Feeling." So this must be The Day of the Hoff.

The Liquidator Series -- R. L. Brent

Vince Keenan kindly read a Liquidator novel so I wouldn't have to. I noticed in the picture that the book was published by Ace/Charter. The Liquidator novels I own were published by Award Books. Maybe when Award went out of business, Ace took over some titles. Or maybe the Liquidator novels were so good that Ace reprinted them. As I mentioned to Vince in my comment, the idea of a lone vigilante trying to wipe out the Mafia is so startlingly original that Ace probably couldn't resist. At any rate, here's one of the Award Books covers.

Happy Birthday, Mr. Wizard!

Am I the only one old enough to remember B&W TV and the science experiments of Mr. Wizard? Don Herbert is 89 years old today.

Spin -- Robert Charles Wilson

Spin is one of those "big" SF novels. One evening three friends in their early teens are out looking at the stars, and the stars disappear. Earth has suddenly become "protected" by a semi-permeable barrier. Who put it there? And why? The book follows the lives of these friends, especially Tyler Dupree, the narrator, for many years as some of the barrier's mysteries are unraveled. In other words, it's got really big scientific concepts but keeps everything pretty much on a human level, and it's told in a style that's straighforward and clear. I like that in a book. At 450 pages it's a little long for my tastes, but it held my interest to the end. It's obviously set up for a sequel, and I might even read that one.

No Comment Department

TheStar.com - Website sells sex toys but only to believers: "Website sells sex toys but only to believers
Mother of 2 runs it from her home Hot item: pleather vibrating panties
Jul. 8, 2006. 01:00 AM
MEGAN H. CHAN
NEW YORK TIMES NEWS SERVICE

NEW YORK — Condoms. Lube. Vibrating panties. All are part of Joy Wilson's mission to better serve the Christian community."

I'm Sure You'll all Want to Read this Article

'I get insecure sometimes' She's a socialite, model, TV star, actor, author, entrepreneur ... now, as Paris Hilton gets ready to add pop star to the list, she talks frankly to Simon Hattenstone about Nicole Richie, that home video and why she plans on being celibate for a year Saturday July 8, 2006 The Guardian 'Hilton appears to have the ditziness of Monroe and the business acumen of Madonna' ... Paris Hilton. Photograph: Dave Hogan/Getty

Meet Felix the Cat

When Felix showed up in the neighborhood, he was in pretty bad shape. I couldn't decide if he'd been thrown from a moving car or just run over by one. Most of the fur on top of his head was missing, one eye was swollen shut, and there was a severe cut on the inside of one of his back legs. He wouldn't let anybody get near him, and I wasn't sure he'd survive. I put food out for him in the garage anyway, and he sneaked in at night and ate. After a while he started showing up in the daytime, and I was able to coax him into the house for short periods of time. Eventually he started to trust me, so I was able to get him into a carrier and take him to visit the vet, who neutered him (that'll teach him to trust me!), worked on his eye, and gave him some shots. The eye was the real problem, but after a couple more trips to the vet, Felix can now open the eye and see pretty well from it. As you can tell, the fur's grown back on his head. The scar on his leg is so bad that probably nothing will grow there again, but that's okay. As you can also tell, Felix has made himself at home with us. He's gained a lot of weight, and he's looking good. Our other two cats aren't pleased, but it looks like Felix is here to stay.

Commenters to this Blog would Never Lie about This

Life and Health | Fashion and style | Flower power, love-ins - and lies: "Martin Wainwright
Friday July 7, 2006
The Guardian

History records that it was the Swinging Sixties. A decade that included the summer of love, the Beatles, hippies and outrageous drug-taking.

And if it ever seemed odd that everyone who was around at the time seemed to be indulging in all of the above, a survey today reveals why.

Fibs. Lots of them.

Parents who have been trying to impress their children have resorted to exaggeration and outright lies over what they did during the flower power decade. Claims of liberated teenage years at love-ins and being at live Beatles gigs have led to the coining of a new phrase - generational gazumping - to describe 50-somethings desperately trying to appear cool."

Wild Thing -- Mike Harrison

Was there ever a more apt title than this one? If so, I can't think of it. Mike Harrison's Wild Thing is the second novel about Calgary p.i. Eddie Dancer, and it's nothing if not wild. It has a newly discovered manuscript by Franz Anton Mesmer (written in old Italian), a serial killer whose method involves crushing his victims' heads, a best-selling writer on tour, paparazzi, underground tunnels, Newgate Prison records, and a strong woo-woo factor (reincarnation). While Dancer is based in Calgary, the novel's setting is England, so there's a bit of the fish-out-of-water appeal, too. And all of this in a novel not much longer than an old Gold Medal original. This, of course, is just the way I like it: stripped-down prose, a fast-moving story, and a likeable first-person narrator. Check it out.

Ed Gorman Returns to Mystery*File

Ed Gorman Rambles: 7 July 2006: "A year or so before he was diagnosed with cancer, Evan Hunter seemed intrigued by my idea of doing a massive collection of some of his earliest tales. Intrigued enough, anyway, to have somebody make copies of sixty-some stories and send them to me.

The stories covered virtually every pulp genre – crime, western, adventure, science fiction, horror – done under seven or eight pen-names. "

Check out the whole essay/review at the link.

Get Well Soon, Roger Ebert!

I like reading Roger Ebert's movie reviews even when I don't agree with them. Ebert was a well-known science fiction fan in the 1950s (Ed Gorman was acquainted with him then), and his letters appeared in letter columns in magazines like Amazing Stories and others. That's another reason I like him. I wish him a very speedy recovery.

Film critic Roger Ebert improving - Pulitzer Prize-winning movie critic Roger Ebert was improvin...: "CHICAGO, July 5 (UPI) -- Pulitzer Prize-winning movie critic Roger Ebert was improving Wednesday after being hospitalized in Chicago last weekend for emergency surgery, his wife said.

Ebert, 64, was in serious condition following an operation to repair a burst blood vessel stemming from cancer surgery last month, the Chicago Sun-Times said.

Doctors removed a cancerous growth from his salivary gland on June 16.

'I'm happy to report that Roger is in stable condition and is improving each day,' Chaz Ebert said. 'He has an excellent medical team ... and they're optimistic about his recovery.'"

Mystery*File Update

This just in from Steve Lewis: I've recently posted a belated birthday salute by J. Kingston Pierce to James M. Cain, author of novels such classic novels as The Postman Always Rings Twice, Double Indemnity and many others. (Cain was born on July 1st.)

As part of this tribute is a complete bibliography of Cain's novels and story collections, plus reviews of four of his books by Max Allan Collins and Bill Pronzini, nor should I forget to mention the usual abundance of cover images.

I Can Remember when this Format Wasn't Such a Novelty

Vintage Hits the Decks for 'Pirates' - 7/6/2006 - Publishers Weekly: "When Gideon Defoe's cheeky, well-received pirate novels, The Pirates! In an Adventure With Scientists and The Pirates! In an Adventure With Ahab, were ready for to be published in paperback, the publicity team at Vintage thought the books deserved a special rollout. Published by Pantheon in hardcover in October 2004, the books, which Vintage editor-in-chief Marty Asher describes as 'Monty Python meets Moby Dick,' are being packaged together as a novelty '2-in-1' paperback. (With each title claiming as its front cover one side of the book, described further by Vintage as a 'flippable' paperback, the text is legible by turning the book over.) They're also being accommpanied by a large pirate-themed release party in New York and a well-publicized writing contest. Why all the hoop-la?"

Be There or Be Square!

The Austin Chronicle: Books: Solving ConMisterio: "Solving ConMisterio
A preview
BY JESSE SUBLETT

With SXSW, ACL, and the last KKK microdemonstration, Austin needs another convention like a hole in the head, right? Well, ConMisterio is a convention for people who just can't seem to write or read enough about holes in heads – bullet holes, that is, along with an endless variety of other means of sudden exit from the planet.

Loosely modeled after the fabulously successful Bouchercon (going on its 37th year), ConMisterio convenes for its second annual gathering July 14-16 at the DoubleTree. It will feature the usual author discussion panels, author readings, a banquet, a dealer room, and creative loafing opportunities. (Full disclosure: I'll be one of the authors attending the convention and promoting work, but I'd be writing this even if I weren't.)"

Competitive Eating Update #5

New York Daily News - Home - Few extra bites: "Few extra bites

His 53 dogs long gone, champ has a real meal

BY NICOLE BODE
DAILY NEWS STAFF WRITER

Takeru Kobayashi, 28, after winning the Nathan's Fourth of July hot dog eating contest.
After all that, he was still hungry.

A day after downing a record-breaking 53 and 3/4 hot dogs and buns, Takeru Kobayashi polished off a 22-oz. steak, salad and slice of cheesecake.

'This is the best steak I have ever eaten,' Kobayashi, 28, told the Daily News through a translator as he tore into the slab of medium-rare New York strip steak yesterday afternoon. 'It's better than Kobe beef.'

In no time flat, the Japanese chowhound was gnawing at the bone.

'He polished it,' said an awestruck Tom Hart, general manager of Smith & Wollensky at E. 49th St. and Third Ave. 'It was amazing.'"

Thanks to Jeff Meyerson for the tip.

Even Bush's Feces & Urine Are Classified Top Secret

Even Bush's Feces & Urine Are Classified Top Secret: "The White House flew in a special portable toilet to Vienna for Bush's personal use during his visit. The Bush White House is so concerned about Bush's security, the veil of secrecy extends over the president's bodily excretions. The special port-a-john captured Bush's feces and urine and flew the waste material back to the United States in the event some enterprising foreign intelligence agency conducted a sewage pipe operation designed to trap and examine Bush's waste material."

Happy Birthday to the Duke of Earl!

Or, as you may know him, Gene Chandler. If you just can't wait to hear the song again, click here. You'll be sent to Chandler's website, and the song will be playing. One of the greats. Turn up the volume.

Today in Rock & Roll History

In the comments a couple of guys mention having seen the Beatles in concert. So here's today's R&R trivia in their honor (thanks to The Writers Almanac):

It was on this day in 1957 that two teenagers named John Lennon and Paul McCartney first met at a church dance in Liverpool, England.

The biggest event in John Lennon's neighborhood every summer was a party and dance held by St. Peter's parish church. There was a carnival and a parade with decorated floats, and that event was held on this day in 1957. John Lennon, with a little maneuvering, had gotten The Quarrymen a place in the parade, playing their music from atop one of the floats, and they also had an invitation to play at the dance afterwards.

The float The Quarrymen played on brought up the rear of the parade, and they attracted a large group of teenagers. One of the teenagers was a kid from a different high school named Paul McCartney. He had hoped to pick up girls at the church dance, and so he had ridden his bicycle over from his neighborhood.

In the audience, Paul McCartney was impressed by John's singing, and by the way John seemed to be challenging everyone in the room to a fight. After the performance, Paul went over to meet this guy. Paul and John were introduced, but they didn't hit it off until Paul mentioned that he played guitar, and he knew how to tune one. None of the other boys had learned how to do that yet. They'd all been forced to ask local musicians to tune their guitars for them.

John was even more impressed that Paul knew the lyrics of recent rock and roll songs. John could never remember lyrics, which was why he often made up new ones while he was singing. Paul volunteered to write out the lyrics for the song "Be Bop a Lula" for John, and the two became fast friends. By 1959, they were calling themselves The Beatles.

I'm Not Sure this is Good News

ROME (AFP) - Veteran sex symbol Sofia Loren, first featured on magazine covers half a century ago, will appear for next year's Pirelli calendar dressed up only in diamond earrings.

The voluptuous Italian screen legend, who will celebrate her 72nd birthday on September 20, joins a galaxy of international female stars posing in the nude for the 2007 cult calendar, the Italian magazine Gente (People) reported Wednesday.

Others include Spain's Penelope Cruz, Britain's Naomi Watts, US star Hilary Swank and France's Lou Doillon, the daughter of singer-actress Jane Birkin.

The calendar portraits of Loren taken by Dutch photographers Inez van Lamsweerde and Winoodh Matadin are "very beautiful and will add to the myth of La Loren," said Loren's close friend Silvia Damiani, one of the privileged few to have already caught a glimpse of the latest Loren revelations.

Today in Rock & Roll History

1954 - Elvis Presley's first commercial recording session took place in Memphis, TN. He recorded "That's All Right (Mama)" and "Blue Moon of Kentucky."

Under the Table at Taco Bell

Bribery Grande

"Oakland clerk allegedly met clients at Taco Bell, and traded keys to public housing for dinero."

And the only question is, will Anthony Neil Smith move to Oakland to work the case?

Louiefest

Over 1000 guitars playing "Louie Louie." And the only question is, will Cap'n Bob be there again this year?

Bob Dylan on XM

Bob Dylan Theme Time Radio on XM
Playlist for July 5, 2006
Theme: Summer
Summertime, Billy Stewart
Summertime Blues, Eddie Cochran
Heatwave, Martha and the Vandellas
Heatwave, Sol K. Bright
Sunny, Bobby Hebb
Juneteenth Jamboree, Fatso Bentley
So Nice, Astrud Gilberto and Walter
Youth of 1000 Summers, Van Morrison Hot Weather Blues, Mr. Sad Head Summer in the City, Lovin’ Spoonful
Too Hot, Prince Buster
In the Summertime, Mungo Jerry
Ice Cream Man, John Brim (Bob’s favorite flavor is Neopolitan)
Fourth of July, Dave Alvin
Hot Fun in the Summertime, Sly & the Family Stone

Tales from the Galactic Midway #1: Sideshow -- Mike Resnick

I don't know how many books there are in this series, but I've had four of them on my shelves for years. (It's hard for me to resist a series with carnival setting.) The other night I decided it was time to read one of them, and I'm glad I did. Here's the deal. Thaddeus Flint owns a carnival that's not making enough money. There's another carnival with the best freak show that anybody's ever seen, and it's drawing huge crowds. Flint decided he wants to take over. When he does, he gets a surprise. The freaks aren't human. They're aliens, and now Flint is stuck with caring for them. One problem is that Flint treats everybody like crap, including Tojo, the hunchbacked dwarf who narrates the tale. Flint's a cold-hearted maninpulator and conman, and it turns out that he's expert even when it comes to manipulating aliens. It might not surprise you to learn that his association with the aliens makes him a little more human by the end of the novel. But not much more.

This is an interesting story, even though it's obviously a set-up for the sequels. A cursory glance at the three I have gives me the idea that each one is devoted mostly to a different carnival employee: the animal tamer, the trick shot, and so on. I also see that they're told in third person. Tojo is no longer the narrator. Eventually I'll probably read at least a couple of these. (I like the covers, too.)

Great Fireworks Package Art

Check it out here.

Competitive Eating Update #4

NEW YORK -- A 160-pound wonder from Japan set a new record by devouring a sickening 53¾ frankfurters in 12 minutes to win the annual Independence Day hot dog eating competition on Coney Island.

The feat earned Takeru Kobayashi, 27, his sixth straight title in the event, held at the original Nathan's Famous hot dog stand on Brooklyn's seashore.

He broke his own record of 53½ hot dogs, set at the same competition two years ago.

Competitive Eating Update #3

Jeff Meyerson sent me this link to AOL Sports. The Feud is on!

A Glorious 4th to All

"I would rather be exposed to the inconveniences attending too much liberty than to those attending too small a degree of it." -- Thomas Jefferson (1743 - 1826), to Archibald Stuart, 1791

The flags are out at the Crider hacienda.

What Next?

First it was ice cream made with eels' blood. Now we have this. I think the last line is probably an understatement.

ANGIER - Scott Wilson won't eat his newest flavor of ice cream.

He warns customers at his ice cream shop away from it. And he's not even sure whether he'll make another batch when he runs out.

It's called Cold Sweat.

Along with milk, sugar and the other usual ingredients, the ice cream is made with three kinds of peppers and two kinds of hot sauce. It's so spicy that just touching it makes your fingers feel hot.

The ice cream has turned into a hot sales gimmick at Sunni Sky's, the roadside ice cream shop Wilson and his wife have run for the past three years along N.C. 55.

It's not a top seller, though.

I See It, but I Don't Believe It

Link via Neatorama

Happy Birthday, Dave Barry!

Dave Barry can still make me laugh out loud, which is reason enough to wish him a very happy day.

I'm in EQMM (sort of)

In a comment below, Todd Mason reminds me that Ed Gorman has started a new column, "Blog Bytes, in the current issue of Ellery Queen's Mystery Magazine. I'm pleased and proud that he chose to mention this blog in the inaugural column, along with Sarah Weinman's blog, CrimeSpot, and Mystery*File.

Alligator Update

A man in South Carolina jumped on the back of a 10-foot alligator to save his girlfriend's pet dog as it was being dragged into a lake, according to a Local 6 News report.

Brent Carey said he was at a park in Charleston with his girlfriend and her dog, Chance, when an alligator jumped out of the water and started to drag Chance into the lake.Carey jumped on the alligator, grabbed it near the back legs and began to fight to free the dog.

More of the story and some pics at the link.

Shotgunner

Want to see a guy who can shoot? Check it out.

Busted Flush Update

The other day I had a blog entry on David Thompson's publishing venture. Today the Houston Chronicle catches up with me.

It's not "Busted Flesh Press," says David Thompson, neophyte book publisher. Given his subject matter — murder and mayhem — some people hear it that way, but his new venture, he explains, is "Busted Flush Press."

Mystery fans will recognize the name as an homage to one of Thompson's favorite authors, John D. MacDonald, whose sleuth Travis McGee lives on the Busted Flush, a houseboat he won in a poker game. And an homage seems appropriate: Busted Flush Press is all about respect, existing chiefly to revive crime novels that have slipped out of print.

The fledgling imprint's first trade title is just out — A Fifth of Bruen, a 352-page collection of the early fiction of Ireland's Ken Bruen, who emerged as a cult favorite in this country after The Guards earned an Edgar nomination for best novel of 2003.

The Beatles!

A blog devoted to video and audio Beatles clips? What a great idea. It's right here.

Happy Birthday, James M. Cain

James M. Cain (1892-1977) did not write about detectives or publish in the pulps. He was an Easterner, a newspaperman and a protégé of H. L. Mencken who went West during the Depression to write for Hollywood. There he wrote moviescripts and crime novels. His gift for dialogue and the first-person, confessional form of his narratives gave them the suspense other writers achieved with a detective on a case.

Like a lot of you, probably, I still remember the first time I read The Postman Always Rings Twice. Wow! I got a copy of Double Indemnity and read that one. Wow, again! I saw the movies later. Wow, a third time! Cain translated well to the screen in black and white. No question, one of the greats.

On the July 3rd broadcast of Beth Foxwell's radio show "It's a Mystery," she'll present the radio version of Double Indemnity. That's Monday at 10:00 A.M. CDT at this link.

Pulp Heroes Redux

From Nightly.net: The Shadow and Doc Savage are returning to thrill fans old and new. Anthony Tollin has acquired the license to reprint the original Shadow
and Doc Savage pulp novels, and will be publishing trade paperback
reprints in partnership with Nostalgia Ventures, Inc., a leader in the
field of radio and television nostalgia. These Shadow and Doc Savage
volumes are officially licensed by Condé Nast, the owner of the famous
properties.

"This is a dream come true for me," proclaims Anthony Tollin, the
former DC Comics professional who is also a leading pulp and radio
historian. Tollin co-authored Walter B. Gibson's The Shadow Scrapbook
in 1979, and has long desired to get Gibson's Shadow novels back in
print. "We're reissuing the classic pulp stories with the original
covers and interior art, with the type reset for clarity. We're
initially releasing the stories in a double-novel format. Our first
volume, already at the printers, reprints Walter Gibson's Crime,
Insured and The Golden Vulture, a Shadow novel that Lester Dent
wrote in 1932 that was later revised by Gibson and published in 1938.
This is the Shadow novel that won Lester Dent the Doc Savage contract.
Our first story, 'Crime, Insured' is recognized as Walt Gibson's
greatest action thriller, in which a criminal organization penetrates
The Shadow's operation and captures his major agents, and The Shadow
is trapped as the entire New York underworld invades his sanctum."

I read about this on the fictionmags list. No more details yet.

Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang

Sometimes when I can't figure out why a movie didn't to better at the box office, I ask Judy. When I asked about Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang, she said, "How many people do you think there are who know what the old Mike Shayne paperbacks looked like or even care?" See, the movie is based (in part) on a Shayne novel called Bodies are Where you Find Them, and one of the characters reads books about a p.i. named Johnny Gossamer, whose novels even had great McGinnis covers. I love stuff like that. So does James Reasoner.

But that's certainly not all the movie has going for it. Consider, for one thing, the great retro opening title sequence.

The plot is convoluted, but I followed it pretty well. (Just one minor quibble, I think.) Anyway, a convoluted plot is exactly what's called for in a movie where each section is introduced with the title lifted from Raymond Chandler, a master of convolution. The characters are great, and the cast does them justice. Robert Downey, Jr., is scruffy (and self-referential), Val Kilmer does one of his patented movie-stealing turns as the private-eye called Gay Perry, and Michelle Monaghan is as tough and spunky as you could ask for, reminding me a little of Geena Davis in The Long Kiss Goodnight (this is high praise from me, in case you're wondering). There's plenty of humor and snappy dialogue, along with a lot of action. Two thumbs way up.

Competitive Eating Update #2

From the Wall Street Journal: Sonya Thomas has been eating competitively since June 2003 and has set records for wolfing down everything from oysters to meatballs to tater tots. Her ability to outeat larger, male competitors has earned her the nickname "The Black Widow." During the day, the 38-year-old champion eater manages a Burger King restaurant located at Andrews Air Force Base in Maryland. She lives in Alexandria, Va.
.........................

To gear up for contests, she constantly tries to maintain or improve her hand speed, eye-hand coordination, jaw strength and stomach capacity. She says her day job as a Burger King manager keeps her hand speed and hand-eye coordination in top form.

"When I'm working I'm non-stop for eight hours, constantly moving and walking around and I can tell my body is working hard," she says. "I'm pulling orders out of windows and scooping fries." She also keeps her jaw in shape by chewing two pieces of sugarless gum at a time throughout the day. Once or twice a week she eats dried squid. "It really exhausts your jaw," she says."You have to keep your jaw strong when you eat so much and are using the muscle for such a long time," she says.

A Fifth of Bruen -- Ken Bruen

David Thompson, of Houston's Murder by the Book, has a small press. I like the name: Busted Flush Press. One his recent publications is A Fifth of Bruen, a collection of Ken Bruen's early novels and stories, the books that "he used to sell by hand in the bars of his home town," according to the introduction by Al Guthrie. For a mere eighteen bucks, you can't go wrong with a collection like this.

I've read one of the short novels so far, All the Old Songs and Nothing to Lose. I picked this one because it's a crime novel, and it turns out to be sort of Bruen's version of Death Wish. A vigilante is on the loose, but he's a Bruen vigilante, one who quotes literary poetry and song lyrics with equal facility. Great stuff, and it has all the hallmarks of Bruen's current work. Props to David for publishing this volume. Check it out.

They Could Use It in the Northeast

June 29, 2006 — A team of Texas archaeologists believe they may have located the remains of Noah's Ark in Iran's Elburz mountain range.

"I can't imagine what it could be if it is not the Ark," said Arch Bonnema of the Bible Archaeology Search and Exploration (B.A.S.E) Institute, a Christian archeology organization dedicated to looking for biblical artifacts.

Bonnema and the other B.A.S.E. Institute members hiked for seven hours in the mountains northwest of Tehran, climbing 13,000 feet before making the apparent discovery.

Swing Low, Swing Dead -- Frank Gruber

This is Frank Gruber's only paperback original about Johnny Fletcher. It's a Belmont Book from 1964, and it's about song theft, something that probably wasn't uncommon in the 1950s. Maybe it's not uncommon even now, but this book reads as if it were written six or seven years before it was published. It would be interesting to know if it was a trunk book.

But I digress. Johnny Fletcher and his sidekick, Sam Cragg, share a room at a small hotel. They're essentially conmen, though when asked they claim to be book salesmen because that's their line. They set up on the street and sell body-building books out of a suitcase. Sam Cragg demonstrates how he can snap chains by explanding his manly chest. Did I mention that he and Fletcher live together in a hotel room? Not that there's anything wrong with that, and besides, these guys get involved with all kinds of hot chicks. They're not overcompensating, either. At least I don't think they are.

But I digress again. What happens is that Sam wins a song in a crap game, and then the guy who wrote it is poisoned, and then it turns out that someone's already recorded the song and has a big hit with it. All this is straightened out in the end. Gruber tells everything in a straightforward, no-frills way. Very light entertainment, not necessarily for everyone. Worth checking out as an artefact of a by-gone time, though.

The T.W.I.N.K.I.E.S. Project

T.W.I.N.K.I.E.S. is a series of experiments conducted during finals week, 1995, at Rice University. The tests were designed to determine the properties of that incredible food, the Twinkie.

Rice is one of Texas' premier universities. It's easy to see why. Be sure to read the haiku.

Now in Paperback: A Knife in the Back

Once again there's a paperback of one of my books that you can get only through the Worldwide subscription program. Kind of a drab cover, but then the cover doesn't really matter since the book won't be available at bookstores. Within a day or so you can probably get a copy on Amazon for a penny, plus postage. I think the hardbacks are going for a quarter. As you can tell, I'm a highly collectible author.

Rogue Gator Update

Largo, Florida - A trapper has captured a gator in a lake in Ridgecrest Park in Largo. The gator may be the one which attacked and carrying off a miniature Shih Tzus Sunday afternoon. Al Clark and his two dogs, Fifi and Cassidy were romping around the lake, off their leashes, when the eight foot gator attacked. Clark says he felt helpless as he saw his 8-year-old pet FiFi being carried away in the gator's jaws. Clark scooped up his other dog, Cassidy, and put him in the car. Clark says he'll never walk Cassidy at the park again.

Red Leaves -- Thomas H. Cook

Thomas Cook's Red Leaves was nominated for an Edgar. It's not a mystery novel, but I suppose it's a crime novel. It's mainly about what happens to a family when suspicion and fear get the better of a father whose son is suspected in the disappearance of a neighbor's young daughter. The resolution to the crime is a little bit out of left field, and for at least one reason very unsatisfactory to me, but the book is well written and suspenseful. It's also as bleak as any noir fiction you're likely to read anytime soon. If that's the kind of thing you like now and then, grab this one now. Don't wait for then.

Ummmmmmm, Eeeel.

A LOW-fat ice cream using DNA from an eel-like fish has been developed by scientists.

A protein created from the blood of the North Atlantic ocean pout could cut the fat content, reduce calories by 30 per cent and alter the genetic make-up of ingredients without affecting taste.

It is already used in some US ice creams and is being developed here by Unilever.

A spokesman said: "People want lower fat products but don't want to sacrifice taste."

Homeland "Security"? I Report, You Decide

USATODAY.com - Sales calls push security hotline to refuge of Do Not Call list: "Ever feel there's no getting away from telephone sales calls?

You're not the only one. The federal government has decided to put its own secret Homeland Security hotline to the nation's 50 governors on the federal Do Not Call Registry, according to Delaware Gov. Ruth Ann Minner.

The move came after a complaint Thursday by Minner, who said that when her line rings, chances are it's not an emergency but an unwanted intrusion. 'Every time that phone rings, it's telemarketers,' she said in Washington.

Minner keeps the secret homeland defense hotline in her office. Governors have them for instant communication with Washington in case of a major emergency. Minner says that when her line rings, it's someone offering a time-share condominium or the latest deal on long-distance phone service.

'I wonder about the security of that line,' Minner said."

Competitive Eating Update

There's video at the link.

Woman eats 60 ham biscuits in eight minutes: "It's a country staple, but normally Ham Biscuits aren't devoured like this. It was a gluttonous scene at Lynchburg's Virginia Harley Owners Group rally Saturday afternoon.

One woman chomped down her biscuits faster than anyone else there. Her name is Sonya Thomas.

She's known as the 'Black Widow' in the world of competitive eating."

Shamus Nominations -- Congratulations to All!

PRIVATE EYE WRITERS OF AMERICA ANNOUNCES 2006 SHAMUS AWARDS NOMINEES

The Private Eye Writers of America (PWA) is proud to announce the nominees for the 25^th annual Shamus Awards, given annually to recognize outstanding achievement in private eye fiction. The 2006 awards cover works published in 2005.

PWA was founded in 1981 by Robert J. Randisi to recognize the private eye genre and its writers. Previous Shamus winners include Lawrence Block, Ken Bruen, Harlan Coben, Max Allan Collins, Robert Crais, Brendan DuBois, Loren D. Estleman, Carolina Garcia-Aguilera, Sue Grafton, James W. Hall, Steve Hamilton, Jeremiah Healy, Dennis Lehane, Laura Lippman, John Lutz, Bill Pronzini, S.J. Rozan, Sandra Scoppettone and Don Winslow. The awards will be presented on Sept. 29, 2006, at PWA’s 25^th Anniversary Banquet in Madison, WI, during the Bouchercon World Mystery Convention.

Shamus Awards 2006 Nominees (for works published in 2005)

Best Hardcover

Oblivion by Peter Abrahams (Wm. Morrow), featuring Nick Petrov.

The Lincoln Lawyer by Michael Connelly (Little, Brown), featuring Mickey Haller.

The Forgotten Man by Robert Crais (Doubleday), featuring Elvis Cole.

In A Teapot by Terence Faherty (Crum Creek Press), featuring Scott Elliot.

The Man with the Iron-On Badge by Lee Goldberg (Five Star), featuring Harvey Mapes.

Cinnamon Kiss by Walter Mosley (Little, Brown), featuring Easy Rawlins.

Best Paperback Original

Falling Down by David Cole (Avon), featuring Laura Winslow.

The James Deans by Reed Farrell Coleman (Plume), featuring Moe Prager.

Deadlocked by Joel Goldman (Pinnacle), featuring Lou Mason.

Cordite Wine by Richard Helms (Back Alley Books), featuring Eamon Gold.

A Killing Rain by PJ Parrish (Pinnacle), featuring Louis Kincaid.

Best First Novel

Blood Ties by Lori G. Armstrong (Medallion), featuring Julie Collins.

Still River by Harry Hunsicker (Thomas Dunne Books/St. Martin's Minotaur), featuring Lee Henry Oswald.

The Devil’s Right Hand by J. D. Rhoades (St. Martin's Minotaur), featuring Jack Keller.

Forcing Amaryllis by Louise Ure (Mysterious Press – Warner), featuring Calla Gentry.

Best Short Story

“Oh, What a Tangled Lanyard We Weave” by Parnell Hall. Murder Most Crafty (Berkley), featuring Stanley Hastings.

“Two Birds with One Stone” by Jeremiah Healy. Alfred Hitchcock Mystery Magazine, Jan/Feb 2005, featuring John Francis Cuddy.

“The Big Road” by Steve Hockensmith. Alfred Hitchcock Mystery Magazine, May 2005, featuring Larry Erie.

“A Death in Ueno” by Michael Wiecek. Alfred Hitchcock Mystery Magazine, March 2005 featuring Masakazu Sakonju.

“The Breaks” by Timothy Williams. Ellery Queen Mystery Magazine, September/October 2005 featuring Charlie Raines.

-30-

Bogart News

New York Daily News - Breaking News: "NYC renames block after Humphrey Bogart

NEW YORK (AP) -- The Upper West Side brownstone where Humphrey Bogart grew up has long ago been turned into public housing. But the block, like Paris, will always be his.

Scores of fans stood in the drizzle Saturday as the city unveiled a plaque renaming the short stretch in front of 245 W. 103rd St. as Humphrey Bogart Place.

'Bogie would have never believed it,' said the actress Lauren Bacall, who was married to Bogart from 1945 until his death in 1957. She said the day was an emotional one, and her time with Bogart too short."

Even Sheriff Dan Rhodes is More Efficient than This

houstonpress.com | News | CSI: New Caney: "They do things differently up in New Caney, which is a small town in the woods of east Montgomery County. Take, for instance, their methods for identifying dead bodies.

Most coroners -- if confronted with a corpse who obviously has a wallet in his pants pocket -- would check that wallet for what investigators call 'clues' as to the victim's identity.

They don't mess with such high-falutin' detective work in New Caney, where the slogan seems to be 'We'll get the right ID -- eventually.'"

Catch-22, Iraq Style

This is one of the most interesting articles I've read on the Iraq War, a topic not often addressed here.

How Iraq became greater Islington - Sunday Times - Times Online: "[Rory Stewart] arrived in southern Iraq in the autumn of 2003, six months after the invasion, and spent more than a year as local governor, overseeing the local 'rebuilding' of the community. The dissonance between the aspirations of his bosses in Baghdad and the situation on the ground is staggering. When he could not even leave his compound as it was under siege from mortar attack, he was sent memos ordering him to set up 'gender awareness workshops' in remote marshland villages. Vacuum-packed $1m 'bricks' arrived so fast that he ran out of ideas about how to spend them. While his region drowned in blood, he was drowning in memos laden with 'David Brent jargon' or ordering him to seek out three rival glaziers to gain quotes to replace a window."