Farmer Describes Cutting Off Own Arm - Yahoo! News: "A Kershaw County, S.C. farmer has recovered enough to recount how he had to cut off his own arm to save his life.
Sampson Parker talked to WIS reporter Dan Tordjman, and explained that after he got his hand stuck in a piece of farm equipment and a fire broke out around him, he had no choice.
'If I was going to die here, I was going to put up a fight, and that's basically what I did,' says Sampson Parker."
8 comments:
Farm machinery is proof of the existence of demons because all farm machinery is possessed. This can actually be tested and re-tested, with always the same unvarying and predictable results. That is how you know it is true, unlike they myths about flying saucers, Bigfoot, Yeti, Sasquatch, the Illuminatti, the Knights Templar, the Decendants of Christ, the Anninoki, the Watchers, ghosts, Chuppachabras, werewolves, vampires, Leprechans: if there is anything amazing at all about this story it is that the fellow survived despite any extraordinary means that anyone could imagine, including cutting his own arm off. He in fact may be the first person in history to live to tell the take of a Farm Machinery incident. Farm Machinery rightly should be capitalized, inasmuch as it is all inhabited by bonifide extradimensional creatures with actual identities and names. When the possessed man at the Gadarenes said "My name is Legion" he might just as well have said "My name is Farm Machinery." He would have been just as accurate and scriptural. "Active" farm machinery, while possessed, is still a distant second in horror, mayhem, and finality to the Lucifer Incarnate of farm machinery, which would be "abandoned farm machinery." There is no death sentence more fiinal than an encounter with Abandoned farm machinery. I am sure no one lives to tell their tale of THAT experience.
Holy crap, I'm back! Can you say holy crap here? No matter, I gut things to say. I just actually went to the item and read all the details. I urge everyone to do the same!! It is legendary! Demon possession of farm machinery has never been presented better! Here's the skinny: man's minding his own business. He sees a GLOVE in a corn shucker. He suddenly needs to remove the thing. He goes over to it and grabs the glove. the machine for no reason pulls his hand into itself. then stops. On purpose; so the guy can contemplate his doom. Typical demon calling card. Guy makes the Tough Decision; starts cutting off his fingers. Machine bursts into flame. Nothing just bursts into flame! ESPECIALLY METAL PRONGS!! Here's the kicker; after it all goes down and the guy recovers..... the guy "makes peace" with it. He goes gets Jesus - who doesn't like demons - drags Him into the barnyard and forms a "friendship circle" with; himself, a demon-possessed piece of farm machinery, and the Redeemer of mankind. Yeah, like THAT pact's gonna hold.
I seem to recall some farm machinery story from about ten years back where some kid lost both his arms to dead, unoccupied, unworkable, broken-down, rusted, frozen-into-solidity farm machinery that inexplicably came to life for the purpose of removing both his arms. The kid goes into the house and, fumbling a pencil into his mouth with his face, he punches the numbers on the phone to get help. Good thing it was in the old days before the modern miracle of cell phones or he would have died.
Theodore Sturgeon wrote a story called Killdozer about a driverless bulldozer that went on a rampage and tried to kill some guys, but that might be the closest anything has come to Errant Farm Machinery literature. And a bulldozer is construction equipment. You never hear about people "getting entangled in" construction equipment. They only "get entangled in" farm machinery. "Mr. Dobbs, while surveying the pasture became entangled in a piece of abandoned farm machinery and..." It's always an "entanglement" of some sort. Farm machinery incidents have their very own, exclusive, peculiar-only-to-them "word." And it's entangled. It's always entangled. Never caught, never trapped, never hooked, never imprisoned.....always entangled. It's like there's this mysterious, unstated, not conciously recognized aspect of these misfortunes that requires a special word. You're not just caught: you are instead involved; unionized; enveloped physically, almost astrally; conjoined; embraced horrifically - hence, entangled. It's kinda weird.
theres something to all this farm machinery outreness. i used to shoot "varmints" a lot when i was a kid, which would include sparrows, finches, bunnies, frogs, hawks, lizards, feral cats, feral dogs, "feral" being defined as "anything visible," and whether it was in the deserts of california or in the farmlands of nebraska, more than once, off in the distance, as if set there from the sky by invisible beings, aa piece of abandoned farm machinery would be "just out there." I would go over to it but it was aa practice of mine never to get closer than ten feet to its "most extended" part. soome of these things had weird parts and inexplicable attachments that seemed to serve no purpose other than to entice-and-then-snag, kind of like angler fish of the farm. I would sometimes just stand there and look at the machine for ten minutes at a time without moving, just to experience the experience. I always thought of them as big, elaborate mousetraps designed for humans by really bitter aliens from space.
I used ta know some guys - I don' wanna say who - dey useta have problems wit udder guys - ya know, money problems?... problem like dem not passin' it around in da proper manner?...an' den dey useta have a problem wit - after da money problem - makin' da solution to da money problem look like an accident. Ya know? So what day done was day would take 'em to a abandoned piece o' farm machinery and klunk 'em onna head. Big deal, a bump onna head, All the autopsies inna world ain't gonna find dat as any kinda cause o' death. So ya klun - I mean DEY would klunk 'em onna head and den leave da guy right up against da piece o' farm machinery. Den we'd go take a walk and have a cigar. Den about a half hour later we'd come back an' da guy would be ripped to pieces and entangled into da cogs and gears - or I should say knives and spears and hooks and barbs and edges and razors and blades and claws and teeth o' da machine, 'cause cogs and gears don't quite really describe it - of da abandoned and broke down piece o' farm machinery. It was like settin' food out for da dog. Ya know? Guaranteed devourment widin 30 minutes. Creepy. But damn reliable. AND dere was no fee. Da machine was happy wit what it ate. Fantastic.
I remember "Killdozer" well. And the Killdozer has nothing on this piece of equipment.
Didn't a piece of farm machinery do in Merle Watson? I don't think it was abandoned, however.
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