Friday, March 02, 2007


Owing to circumstances beyond my control, I wasn't able to get to Black Snake Moan this afternoon. So I asked myself, "What absolutely nutty and moronic movie could I watch instead?" Crank was the answer.

Here's the deal: Chelios (Jason Statham) has been injected with some kind of Chinese poison. Adrenalin can combat the poison, so Chelios will die if he doesn't keep moving and keep stimulated. Speed meets D.O.A. Anyway, Chelios starts moving.

is the word for the movie. You'd have to see it to get my meaning, but, trust me, it never slows down. It's nonstop maiming, killing, exploding, running, jumping, injecting, snorting, fucking, fighting, shooting, biting, and kicking. And falling, mustn't forget falling. My favorite stimulation scenes involved Amy Smart. She doesn't have much of a role, but she makes the most of it.

If you're the kind of person who watches a movie and says at some point or other, "But that seems somewhat implausible," then you'd better not watch this one. But if you need an hour and a half of burn-down-the-house action, I highly recommend that you check it out.


Anonymous said...

I'm the kind of guy who looks at the likes of the Haggis CRASH (or his similarly pukey new tv show, THE BLACK DONNELLYS), and says, You want ANYONE to take this tripe seriously (except perhaps the inane "humorous" bits)? Whereas, say, films such as THE HIDDEN or apparently this one answer anyone so half-asleep with a wide grin, and a hearty "No way, man!"

Unknown said...

The Hidden is one I hadn't thought of in a while. A lot of fun, all right.

Anonymous said...

Did anyone else have the same "What the --!" moment that I did, when I realized that the actor playing Statham's doctor was Dwight Yoakum?

RUNNING SCARED, the Paul Walker movie from last year, one of whose bad guys is a Russian thug who sports a big tattoo of John Wayne on his back, has some of the same nutty, high-energy vibe as CRANK.

Unknown said...

Yeah, Fred, I had that moment. I thought Dwight was pretty good.