10 Etiquette Rules Nobody Follows Anymore
This is a slideshow that I found amusing because Judy was a great believer in manners and etiquette. She's the only person I knew who still kept Amy Vanderbilt's etiquette book handy. If you wanted to know what was once considered right and proper (and was still considered so by at least one person), you could just ask her. If she didn't know, she'd look it up. She rarely had to look.
10 comments:
Some of them are definitely by the board (no white after Labor Day - why?) but I agree with most of them. We quit sending gifts to nieces and nephews because, forget a thank you note, we didn't even get an acknowledgement that the gift arrived, let alone a thank you. And for this I definitely blame the parents (yes, our siblings) and how they brought their kids up.
When our niece who will remain nameless, got married we gave her a very generous wedding gift, plus another $100 at the bridal shower, and we had to pay to spend a weekend at a B&B. For this we got zip. No thank you note, no phone call, no email, nothing. This is, quite simply, unacceptable.
I've always been anal about punctuality. I hate it on the rare occasion I'm late, especially when it is not my fault. People who are chronically late annoy me. And both of us have been ranting for years about young, healthy people sitting on the subway or bus rather than offering their seat to someone older, pregnant, or infirm. My mother brought me up better than that. Shame on them.
And keep off my lawn!
Jeff
As someone who has planned my share of kids' parties, I hate the "no RSVP" trend. When you don't know if ten or twenty are going to show up, it makes everything else difficult. Re thank you notes: my sister has a fool-proof plan: before my niece could deposit or spend any graduation check/cash she received, my sister had to see the written, stamped, addressed thank you card. Worked like a charm! I received a thank you note within three days. I've always received thank you cards for wedding gifts, but not always for birthday or graduation gifts. Ive raised my kids to provide thank yous for all gifts received, but it's a dying art.
And don't get me started on the craziness that is the baby shower industry! Now women are having pre-shower "gender reveal" parties! Are you kidding me? As my husband says, it's either a boy or a girl; it's not a Christmas present--you've got some idea of what it is!
/Dismounting soap box now!
Btw Bill, Judy was a true lady of the old school. In so many ways, we won't see her like again.
Thanks, Deb. Jeff, Judy's rule about punctuality was that if you weren't 10 minutes early, you were late.
My longest-term friend Laura is a great admirer of Judith Martin...who does seem to hone in on the more sensible sorts of etiquette. Wild stabs at why no autumn whites--because of the muddy season? Because snow will blanket the northerly soon enough? Because Fall is a more mournful season? Shall Go Look.
It probably started out as a way for department stores to sell more clothes. Much like the "blue for boys, pink for girls" that is so culturally-ingrained now that we think of it as a biological preference, but it was originally a marketing scheme from the early 1900s. Prior to that, all baby clothes were white and families could use hand-me-downs regardless of the next baby's gender.
Bill, there is such a thing as too early. Jackie's [late] Uncle Stanley was notorious for arriving at every occasion, whether wedding, family dinner, whatever, at least half an hour before he was invited, to the point where you'd have to invite him half an hour later. Otherwise you'd be getting dressed and there he'd be.
On the other hand, we also know people who are chronically late. I have an uncle like that who shows up at weddings and funerals after it's all over. Jackie worked with a couple who were always late. When we took 200 kids and 100 parents on buses to D.C. we had to wait because they showed up late. I wanted to leave without them but Jackie is too nice.
Jeff
Yes, apparently saying "Thank you.", let alone in writing, is just too much effort these days. My wife's daughter (one of two) and her children NEVER say or write or text a thank you for anything. Every year Barbara sends birthday and Christmas gifts but...nothing. One year she made a special quilt with - as requested - horses on it. Nothing. I keep telling her she should flatly say that since the gifts aren't appreciated enough to get a thank you, there's no need to send them, but Barbara won't do that. "It'd family" she says. It burns me up.
As for casual dress, I grew up in southern California, in a beach town, where shorts and T-shorts were acceptable except at work, school, church or events such as weddings and funerals. My grandfather wore a suit to the grocery store, and just about everywhere else.
I hate being late, dislike it when others are late and have little tolerance for lateness in any situation. I will sometimes go somewhere early (the dentist office yesterday, for instance) early, then wait in the car until 1 minute before my appointment time to go in. Of course then I have to wait half an hour because they are "running a little late".
Rick, I totally agree with you (obviously). We just sent my nephew in Arizona a small gift for graduating from middle school and the next day he (he is autistic, by the way) called to thank me. If he could manage that, why couldn't the rest of them?
No soup for you! Believe me we've tried.
As for casual dress, and speaking as a person who never dresses anything but casually unless going somewhere where it is necessary to dress up, it is going too far these days when we constantly see kids from the local high school three blocks away wearing very short cut-off shorts and other very inappropriate school wear. Jackie had to wear a skirt through the first year of college!
As for lateness, it happens. It almost happened to us yesterday (meeting the Abbotts) when there was a track fire and the subway stopped running. Eventually we walked six blocks to another line and took a different train. But if it happens you should let the other party know.
And keep off my lawn (again).
Jeff
Manners / Etiquette are what helps hold societies together. Which and how many manners can be ignored before societies fall apart? No one knows, but many seem to be doing their best to find out 8-)
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