So I went on-line and became an ordained minister in the Universal Life Church. I made sure that the Great State of Texas accepted marriages performed by ministers of that church, and it does. So that was Step One. Then I read a bit about weddings. My friend Fred Williams suggested that I do one of the Marryin' Sam Special $5 weddings, which had many special features. I'm not sure what they were, but I believe wrestling a life wildcat was one of them. Or maybe performing the wedding while being drawn and quartered. I didn't think I was willing to go that far, so I went for a more traditional ceremony.
The wedding was last night, and it went off without a hitch. Everyone had a wonderful time, and my niece is now officially married to Jeff McCarty. I'm sure video will eventually surface on the Internet, but I doubt very much that I'll be posting a link. Just use your imagination.
21 comments:
Carumba! If I wasn't already married, I would have Reverend Bill officiate.
Ditto!
Bill's the Ashton Kutcher of the mystery world.
Jeff
Bill, Jackie said that if Miss Paris Hilton ever decides to get married, you'll be ready!
Jeff
Just checked. I can get instant free ordination but I'd need the $29.99 New York City official registrant package to be able to legally perform weddings here.
I guess Texas is easier.
Jeff
Texas leads the way!
Can you do bar mitzvahs and circumcisions?
Very cool!
Seepy, you know better than that!
So this means you're NOT going to be writing a story about Schmoos? Darn.
So, does this make you the Write Reverend Bill Crider?
I'd love to write about the Shmoos. The episodes with them are the very first comics I remember reading, right about the time I learned to read.
Scott, you should be ashamed.
As my brother and sister-in-law were married by a Universal Life Church minister of their acquaintance last year, congratulations on your joining that Secret Masters---I mean, fine alternative to traditional religious orders. I will now found my own splinter sect, Universal Life Church Emeritus.
However, I still suspect a capter involving you, Patti and Kate laity. Paris Hilton's involvement is all smokescreen, unless she's seen wrasslin' gators.
Li'l Abner Shmoos?
Those are the ones. My first favorite characters ever.
Friendly and delicious. Ripped off for some Saturday morning cartoon in the 1980s, as I recall.
Did you dress like Reverend Leroy? Since you've gone this far, you may as well start a cult. Church of the Sacred Reptile. It has a nice ring to it.
"The wedding went off without a hitch"? Pun or oxymoron?
You know, I never even thought of it that way. You're too sharp, Cap'n.
Now you can declare the old homestead a church and not have to pay property taxes. And I think when you go to another church, you get to kibbitz from the pew.
The kibbitzing might be fun, but I have a feeling that the State of Texas would take a dim view of the tax dodge.
As I noted before, I suspect your plot to become the St. Patrick of Texas ('Hm...Crider on a mission ("and all the serpents were driven from Texas, and small caimans came to take their place"), Abbott out of the country, Laity marking papers and/or readhing for her flight to the Sceptered Isle...I smell caper, indeed.') is only part of the shenanigans that I'm watching closely...
Jeff and I were lucky to have you officiate. You were the perfect man for the job! I'm sorry you had to endure those endless hours of studying and paperwork to become a Universal Life minister. It sounds like quite the grueling process!
Thanks for being such an important part of our wedding. We love you!
-Lauren
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