Friday, May 02, 2008

Unattractive Rockers?

From Gigwise. You can read it here or click the link for the slideshow.

20. Matt Bowman of The Pigeon Detectives - You wouldn’t exactly call The Pigeon Detectives a good looking band and their front man is no exception. It’s no wonder he keeps his hair all long and shaggy, it must be to cover his face.

19. Boy George - Listen here, George Alan O’Dowd, no matter how much make-up you put on, you’re never going look even remotely attractive. Time for growing old gracefully and not embarrassing yourself any longer.

18. Alice Cooper – At 60 years old and with a sprawling career that spans five decades, the tolls of his early hedonistic lifestyle and too much sun on the golf course recently have clearly paid their toll on Alice. That said, he’s still the king of rock and roll pantomime.

17. Adele – Before everyone gets on their high horses and complains, Adele isn’t on the list because she’s overweight. Nope, her inclusion is based solely on the paparazzi shots we get in the office of Adele looking worse for wear in the early hours after too many shandies.

16. Flavor Flav – To say that Flavor Flav has animated looks is a massive understatement. Let’s just say that the clock-loving Public Enemy man is unique.

15. Pete Townshend of The Who – The guitarist may be a musical legend, but everyone knows he’s always been an aesthetically challenged type – not helped by his absolutely massive hooter. Bless him.

14. Patti Smith - It hurts us to put her on here really, being a music legend and all that, but after the suggestions of several readers we decided to bow to pressure. Honestly guv'nor.

13. Joe Perry of Aerosmith – Frontman Steve Tyler was in our ugliest rock stars part one, now it’s the turn of Aerosmith lead geetarist Joe Perry. The man has the kind of square jaw line that would make David Coulthard weep.

12. Jackie McKeown of 1990s (centre, bottom) - Those teeth, those teeth! Has the man never heard of going to the dentist?! The 1990s front man has some of the nastiest gnashers in music and the rest of his face ain’t too good either. Still, top tunes.

11. Mick Jones of The Clash - We know who probably got all the ladies in The Clash, and it wasn’t Mick Jones. The guitarist just didn’t have any luck when it came to the dishing out of good looks and time hasn’t been too kind to him either.

10. Geddy Lee of Rush – The acclaimed lead singer and bassist is undeniably a music legend, but sadly for him he’s been beaten badly by the ole’ ugly stick. Close your eyes instead and enjoy the music.

9. Chad Kroeger of Nickelback – It really baffles us how Nickelback have managed to become a multi-million selling global superband. What’s even more confusing is exactly how anyone could be attracted to his ugly mush.

8. Ginger Baker – So proud of his auburn locks (and who wouldn’t be?) was Baker, that at an early age he dropped his forename Peter in favour of Ginger. His middle name is Ugly by the way.

7. Gene Simmons - He may have an extremely long tongue but some of the reputed 5000 ladies that have slept with the KISS man either needed glasses or had very low standards. He was never a looker and now he’s just a haggard old man clinging on to past glories.

6. Robin Gibb - Poor Gibbo, the Bee Gee is in no way hideously ugly; instead he's more the archetypal geeky nerd. That's before we mention the dodgy as hell wig.

5. Keith Richards of The Rolling Stones – Word has it that scientists are preparing to pickle Keef when he finally croaks it to discover just how he’s managed to live so long after a life of unparalleled debauchery. Despite still being alive and kicking, his wrinkled-as-a-prune carcass-esque skin looks as though it’s ready to fall off at any moment.

4. Mick Mars of Motley Crue – The silent member of Motley Crue and for all the right reasons; he’s one funny looking character. The only major benefit of having him in the band is that he makes the other three look more attractive – something they’re all in dire need of.

3. Ric Ocasek - At well over six foot and weighing about six stone, former Cars singer Ocasek is very much the beanpole of our list. Add to this a pastey complexion and a curious face and you have one ugly bloke.

2. Justin Hawkins formerly of The Darkness – It escapes us why we didn’t put Hawkins on our first ugliest rock stars gallery, such are his frightful looks. Amazingly, his ugly looks are now where near as bad as the hideous music he makes.

1. Amy Winehouse - Let’s be slightly fair to Wino; if anyone had a swarm of paparazzi following their every move, it would be sure to churn up some pretty grim photos. Yet, ravaged by a diet of drugs, alcohol, kebabs and Space Raiders crisps, Amy is starting to look worse - and, sadly, uglier - by the day.

3 comments:

  1. I though no one could ever top Shane McGowan. But that picture of Steve Howe is just ghastly.

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  2. Whew! I could stand next to any of these folks and stand a middling chance pf looking good. I wouldn't have thought that possible before I scanned those slides.

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  3. Half of those guys now look like the same guy--including Amy Winehouse.

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