Saturday, October 10, 2009

God Forgives . . . I Don't!

For those FTC spies out there, let me say right now that I watched this movie on cable TV, for which I pay a monthly fee. I happened to turn on the Encore Westerns channel just as the movie started, so I thought, what the heck, I'll watch it. It stars Terence Hill, Bud Spencer, and Frank Wolf. How bad can it be?

Answer: Pretty darned bad.

The plot, for example, is so dumb and confused that it's almost incoherent. People do things for what seems like no reason at all, either to accommodate the plot or just for the heck of it. So I won't try to describe the plot. Obviously it's an attempt to capitalize on the Man with No Name films, but putting a serape on Terence Hill and having him smoke little cigars doesn't make him Clint Eastwood.

There's some weird stuff going on throughout. Scenes that seem like nighttime scenes take place in full daylight. In some parts of the movie, it'll be night in one scene, but in the next one, supposedly taking place at the same time, the sun is shining brightly.

And then there's the ending. It's undoubtedly the goofiest final ten minutes or so that I've ever seen. I have several theories. (A) Someone edited the movie with a weed whacker. (2) The Western Channel is showing a horribly mutilated print. (3) Ed Wood directed this under an Italian pseudonym.

Here's what happens, more or less, with SPOILERS galore: Hill (called Pretty Face throughout) and Wolf (who's really not bad; he's the best reason to see the movie) are in a cantina or something, about to play a hand of cards. Then, instantaneously, they're somewhere miles away, facing off for a shootout. Before they start, Hill touches off the slowest-burning fuse in movie history. It leads to so many kegs of TNT tht I couldn't count them. Interestingly enough, there's no way in hell that anybody in this movie could have put them there or put that fuse there. But there they are. About this time, Spenser shows up, and Wolf shoots him with his belly gun. Then the final confrontation occurs. Verrrrryyyy slllooowwwlllyyy. Pretty Face knifes Wolf in one arm and shoots him in the knees. Wolf starts snaking across the sand, while Hill picks up Spencer and walks away. Wolf gets to the TNT and tries to pull the fuse out with his teeth. His hands aren't that damaged, so I'm not sure why he's using his teeth, but it makes as much sense as anything else does at this point. He's unsuccessful. Big explosion. Fade to Hill and Spencer riding off in a wagon. Where did that come from? Filled with stolen gold. How did that get there? I don't know, but there it is. And then, mercifully, the movie ends. Judy and I were laughing so hard at this point that I didn't bother to watch the credits roll. I just turned off the TV and sat there for a while. Hey, you can watch the ending for yourself if you want to.

Plenty of violence, okay score, and okay (but not spectacular) scenery. Oh, I forgot the card game near the beginning. If you think you've seen slow-moving scenes before, watch the card game. Glaciers form and melt and form again before it ends.


Randy Johnson said...

That sounds like a good rival for one I just posted on this morning. Savage Guns whose director was described in several places as the Ed Wood of spaghetti westerns.

Bill Crider said...

A lot of people seem to like this one, so maybe I exaggerated. But you'll have to watch it and let me know what you think.

D. B. Gaston said...

For a much better movie with Terence Hill, check out My Name is Nobody. Sergio Leone was a producer on it, and it was Henry Fonda's last western. Great Ennio Morricone score too.

Unfortunately, I think that Frank Wolff committed suicide not too long after appearing in spaghetti westerns in the late 60s. Another good movie that he's in is The Great Silence, which also has an excellent Morricone score (with a few exceptions, I would advise skipping any spaghetti western that doesn't have Morricone music).