Thursday, November 11, 2004


I don't drink it.

Many mornings when I was teaching, I'd watch the coffee drinkers lined up in front of the urn in the faculty lounge as the coffee perked, their hands shaking as they held their cups, their feet tapping as they tried to urge the brewing process on to greater speed. I never quite understood it.

Oh, I could appreciate the ritual aspect of it, all right. In fact, I sort of envied the coffee drinkers for the many days, weeks, years, of pleasant morning ritual that I would never be a part of. But actually drinking coffee was a price I wasn't willing to pay. I don't like the taste.

I tried, God knows, I tried. When I went to college, everyone drank coffee. The ritual in those days was to stay up all night to study for exams, drinking quarts of coffee along the way. So I tried to learn to like coffee. I bought the best brands. I tried all the brewing secrets.

Didn't work. Not only did I not like coffee, but I didn't like staying up all night, either. At least not to study. As usual, I just didn't fit in.

After I got married, I tried again. Judy loves coffee. She has it morning, noon, and night. (She used to drink so much of it that I actually had to hold an intervention, but that's another story.) Because she likes it so much, I gave it another try.

Didn't work. I still don't like the taste. I get my caffeine in other ways, Dr Pepper and Pepsi One being the preferred methods. But when it comes to coffee, include me out.


Aldo said...

As a fellow educator, I often buy the coffee for my staff but seldom drink any of it. As teachers walk through my office, cups in hand, I smell the aroma of the different blends. What annoys me from time to time, is that during meeting in my office, I seem to acquire coffee mug rings on my paperwork from the staff.

Instead of coffee, I can get my cafeine fix from soda. I have been blessed (or cursed) with the ability to only sleep 4 or 5 hours a day, so staying up on demand has never been a problem. Comes in handy when I have to have all my reports ready for the District. However, I rather spend the time reading a good book.

Cap'n Bob Napier said...

I'm not a fan of coffee, either. I may drink two or three cups a year, if any, and then only if there's enough milk and sugar in it to mask the flavor. And I hate mocha-flavored anything.
I have felt like my aversion to the bitter brew has made me something of an outsider in many circles. Coffee is the focal point of many social gatherings and we who eschew it feel the suspicion and mistrust cast our way by those clannish coffee slurpers. To my way of thinking they people are no better than junkies, unable to wake up and face the world without a jolt of caffeine. Weaklings!
And yes, I have attempted to cut caffeine from my diet. As soon as they make a caffeine-free chocolate I'll have succeeded.

Andy J said...

I had never tasted the devil's brew until I was in New Orleans one summer about ten years ago and had the misfortune of having one of those frozen coffee concoctions at a cool place called (I think) Kaldi's Coffeehouse. Though I tried to wheedle the recipe out of them and though they regarded me like I might become part of the bayou if I didn't stop my begging, I compounded my problem by brewing up some of the stuff myself -- a mix of espresso, some coffee ice cream, etc. I would drink this stuff late each night long into the winter months until I realized it was affecting my heartbeat a little bit so I finally pulled the plug on it. An acceptable substitute for me is a cup of chai tea with a spoonful of Starbuck's Low-Fat Latte ice cream, finished off with a few ounces of Bolthouse Chai Soy Latte (like fancy soy milk with antioxidants and all manner of good stuff). It's great and has none of the negatives of coffee. Supposedly more than one cup of coffee a day is a no-no, health wise.