I've been reading about this guy named Armstrong Williams, who apparently got $240,000 for plugging the administration's "no child left behind" act in his newspaper or magazine column. I want to know where I can go to sell out to the administration. I'd be more than happy to plug any program at all right here in this immensely popular blog, and I'd do it for a lot less than $240,000. Hey, I'd do it for a tenth of that amount. That's right, for a mere $24,000 I'd plug just about anything. If you have government connections, please be sure to let them know about my bargain rates. And my total lack of scruples.

I Married a Witch

Thrilling Days of Yesteryear : "Nostalgia isn't what it used to be." -- Peter DeVries

Once again Ivan over at Thrilling Days of Yesteryear has mentioned a movie that has a special significance for me. I Married a Witch is the first movie I ever saw on TV. I don't know how old I was at the time, probably nine or ten, but I do know that we didn't have TV at my house. We were visiting my aunt in San Antonio, Texas, where she shared a small apartment with a friend. I don't remember the sleeping arrangements except that I, as the kid, had to sleep in the living room on the couch. Which meant that I got to watch TV after everyone else was in bed. And the late movie that night was I MARRIED A WITCH. I thought it was great, and I fell instantly in love with Veronica Lake, an infatuation that's stood the test of time. I recall a couple of her scenes in the movie better than anything I've seen in the last month or so.

My Adventures in Peru: Chapter Two

One of the things about that Peru that amazed me almost as much as the mountains was the poverty of many of the people. The house above would be classifed as a mansion by a lot of people we saw, many of whom lived in mud houses (sun-dried adobe, if you want to be fancy) with dirt floors and small muddy courtyards. Most of the houses had windows and doors, but some didn't. We passed one so dilapidated that I assumed no one could possibly live there. And a woman stepped through the doorway. I'm sure there are people living in those places who've never known what it means to be warm and comfortable, at least not by the standards I usually apply.

On the way to Nasca, we passed places in the desert that seemed to be nothing more than four walls of mats made of leaves. We thought they might be some kind of animal pens. No, the guide said, people live there, squatters who've come down from the mountains. They have no running water and no electricity, but if they live there for a certain period of time (five or six years, he wasn't sure), they'll have free claim to the land. Someone checks on them now and then to be sure they're actually living there. For some of us, it was like looking out at the landscape of Mars.

One of the most poignant sights I saw in all of Peru was from the window of the train to Machu Picchu as we were leaving Cusco. We passed adobe house after adobe house, and in some of the windows we could see things like a plant or a teddy bear. But in one of them there was a picture of Britney Spears. I wondered how whoever lived in that room could ever have heard of her, much less obtained a picture. To someone living in that house, Britney Spears must seem as far away as the moons of Jupiter.

The Cornell Hurd Band

My son does the sound for Austin's Cornell Hurd Band. He also produced and recorded the band's latest CD. Great stuff if you like country swing, which I do. There are a couple of instrumentals on the CD that I especially like. They're not country. More like country surf, or something. They'd have been monster hits back in the early '60s. Maybe that's why I like 'em.

The Machu Picchu Choo-Choo

This is the train that goes from Cusco to Aguas Calientes at the base of Machu Picchu. When we arrived at the platform in Cusco, l located the conductor (or a reasonable facsimile thereof) and sang my line, "Pardon me, boy, is this the Machu Pichu Choo-Choo?" A guy who overheard me asked why I'd burst out in song. I told him it had been my lifelong dream to sing that line at that place. He said he was glad he could be there to share the moment.

The movie's in B&W. They colorized the box for the VHS tape.

The Good Humor Man

For some reason I can't seem to post comments over at Thrilling Days of Yesteryear, so I'm going to say something here in response to today's post on Jack Carson, which happens to mention The Good Humor Man. When I was a kid, this was one of my favorite movies. I thought I was probably the only person in the world who remembered it, but I'm glad Ivan over at Thrilling Days does, too. Back in 1950 I saw it three times in two days (I sat through two showings back to back and returned to the theater the next day to see it again). When I saw a video of it several years ago, I nabbed it, and I've watched it several times since. It has everything a kid could want: slapstick comedy, a murder mystery, a secret club, Lola Albright, and Captain Marvel. How could I not love it? (George Reeves is in the movie, but he doesn't play Superman. Or Captain Marvel.) Others might find it a quickie, knocked out on the cheap, with a bad script (it's by Roy Huggins and Frank Tashlin) and unfunny humor. Not me. I think I'll watch it again soon.

Beyond the Sea

I've written about Bobby Darin before (here), and I was looking forward to seeing Beyond the Sea, the Kevin Spacey movie about Darin's life. I was a little surprised to discover that it was showing at only one theater within my driving range (45 minutes) for seeing movies, and even at that, it was showing only twice a day. Once I settled into the theater, however, I understood. There were only about 30 people in the audience, and every one of them was over 60. This is not the kind of audience that theater owners are interested in attracting.

I don't know what I expected from the movie, but within the first ten minutes it had reached a height of such delirious goofiness that I was completely captivated. I just sat there with a big silly grin on my face and took it all in. It's the same old story (if you saw Ray, you know what I mean): star rises, star falls, star comes back. But the way it's told is definitely different. It's so different that I can't quite describe it, but it almost works. Even the ending ("Bobby Darin is still swinging"), corny as it is, had me wiping away happy tears.

A lot has been made about the middle-aged Spacey playing a young guy like Darin, but there's even a disarming commentary about that early on. Spacey isn't playing Darin. Spacey is Darin. So there.

The music? Well, I love the music, of course. And Spacey isn't bad at the singing part, not bad at all. He's not "spot on," as some critics have said. If they really think that, they've never really listened to Bobby Darin. But he's good enough.

Beyond the Sea isn't a well-made movie. As I said, it's kind of goofy. But I wouldn't have missed it for the world.

My Adventures in Peru: Chapter One

On our first night in Lima, Judy and I went out to eat. Our daughter, Angela, and two of her friends came along. We finally decided to eat at a place called Eddy's. It looked nice, and the menu seemed OK. (Not ominous use of word seemed.) We had something called hamacas, a lot like tamales. Drank bottled water. All seemed well. (Note second ominious use of word seemed.)

We were fine that night. The next morning, we weren't. We were very sick, especially me. I spent a bit of time leaning over the toilet and expelling things. After that, however, I seemed fine. (Note third ominious use of word seemed.) We packed our gear and got ready to fly to Cusco.

When we arrived at the Lima airport, there was quite a line at the check-in counter, and it was warm inside the building. I got almost to the counter when a very weird feeling came over me. I said to Judy, "I think I'm going to pass out." The next thing I knew, I heard people calling my name. I opened my eyes and found myself lying on the floor.

Nothing like that had ever happened to me before. One second I was awake, and the next I wasn't. My body shut down completely and instantly.

I got up and stood there for a few seconds. I felt OK, so I picked up my backpack and said, "I'm fine."

I was wrong. The next thing I knew, I heard people calling my name. Wow, I thought. Deja vu. Except that it wasn't. I'd passed out again. And this time I had a lap full of vomit. I felt like a character in a Ken Bruen novel.

A helpful airport guy who could almost speak English hurried over with a wheelchair and rushed me to the restroom, probably to get me out of the sight of the other passengers, who no doubt thought I was Jack Taylor.

I got myself cleaned up and came out (still in the wheelchair) to discover that the airport doctor was waiting for me. He gave me a prescription for some pills and a really nasty-tasting glucose drink. He also advised me not to fly to Cusco.

I told him that I felt fine (which was true) and that I was not staying in Lima. I had to sign a release saying that I was flying "against advice."

As it turned out, I was right. I was fine, and even the flight didn't bother me. By the next day I was completely recovered and ready to do some climbing in the ruins at Saqsaywaman. I figure that if you can clamber around on a mountain at an altitude about 14,000 feet, you're doing OK. I had not a touch of altitude sickness (or sorochi, as it's called). Judy, however, did. But that's another story.

As for Angela and her friends, none of them got sick at all. And Angela ate exactly the same meal that Judy and I had. Go figure.

Llamas!

In response to Jayme Blaschke's demand here's a llama shot. It doesn't include me, but it does feature the lovely Judy. And, as everyone knows, if Judy was there, someone (me) had to be taking the picture. Admittedly the llama is partially obscured by the colorful indios, but it's there, all right.

He's Back!

Bill Crider, intrepid Andean explorer, acclaimed author, and international bon vivant.

Pardon Me, Boys, Is That the Machu Picchu Choo-Choo?

Tomorrow, December 27, Judy and I will be boarding the Proud Bird with the Golden Tail (or a reasonable facsimile thereof) and flying off to Peru. We'll be in Lima for a couple of days, then go to Cusco. We'll celebrate New Year's Eve in Aguas Calientes, just down the mountain from Machu Picchu. Then it's back to Cusco and eventually to Nasca to see the Nasca Lines, which, as we all know, were carved by little guys in flying saucers many years ago. On January 5, we'll be landing at Houston's Intercontinental Airport if all goes well.

What this is leading up to is the fact that I won't be blogging until sometime after January 5. I'd like to thank all of you who have dropped by for a look and/or a comment in the past year, and I hope you won't forget me while I'm gone. I promise to post a photo or two when I return but I won't bore you with the whole long tale of the trip. If I get a chance I'll write that up and post it somewhere, maybe on the website. Or, breaking my promise, maybe here. I'll just have to see how it all works out. Have a happy new year's celebration, and check back here around January 6 or 7 for more blogging in 2005.

I'm Not Dreaming. It's a White Christmas.

This is the front of my house on Christmas morning. Nobody in Alvin, Texas, can remember the last white Christmas here. Maybe there's never been one. I've lived in Texas all my life, and this is the first white Christmas I can remember. I suppose we only care about things like that because of Irving Berlin and Bing Crosby, but it's still kind of neat.

The Legendary Star Wars Christmas Special

I'm Just Sayin': The Holy Grail of Crap

Via World o' Crap comes this link to the Star Wars Christmas Special, the one that George Lucas would like to pretend doesn't exist. Being an Old Guy, I saw it when it appeared on TV, never to be repeated. But someone's made a bootleg DVD, and you can see five minutes or so of it here. (Scroll down to the picture to click on.) It seems more like five hours, so you'll get your money's worth.

Martian Manhunter Need Not Apply

E! Online News - Martian Manhunter Need Not Apply

Sad. Maybe the holiday spirit will overwhelm some "hot, young filmmaker."

Joy to the World . . .

. . . All the boys and girls.

As you can tell, the blog and I are filled with goodwill, cheer, and egg nog. We'd like to wish everyone the best of holidays and a 2005 filled with peace, prosperity, and good reading.

"Thought Experiments" by Roger Ebert

"Thought Experiments" by Roger Ebert

I got this link in an e-mail from Cap'n Bob Napier, who got it in turn through others: "(Craig Miller mentioned this on the Timebinders mailing list and indicated that Jeff Copeland pointed it out to him.) --D Gary Grady." Naturally I had to put it in the blog. It's possibly the best article I've read on fandom, and it mentions some names that should be familiar to everybody (Ed Gorman, especially). Wonderful, nostalgic stuff. My eyes got misty reading it. And if there are a few things Ebert gets wrong or misremembers, so what? It's still a great piece.

Update: Art Scott informs me that this piece was originally published as the "Introduction" to Dick Lupoff's The Best of Xero (Tachyon Press), which I should already own. I don't, so I'd better see what I can do about that.

Sci-Fi Lists - Top Science Fiction Books and Films

Sci-Fi Lists - Top Science Fiction Books and Films

I like lists, if only because it's fun to nitpick them. So I found this an interesting site, and I also enjoyed the related site on fantasy.

$39 Million Bank Robbery

My Way News

BELFAST, Northern Ireland (AP) - In one of the world's biggest robberies, thieves took the families of two top bankers hostage and forced the bosses to help them steal more than $39 million from the vaults of a Belfast bank's main office, authorities said Tuesday.

It was either the IRA or a guy named Parker. Probably not Dortmunder, though.