A big wide-screen historical adventure with a female lead who's married to the director. What could possibly go wrong? Yes, I loved Cutthroat Island, and apparently I was the only person in the world who did.
And apparently I'm also the only one who loved his new version of The Three Musketeers, except for Judy, who got as big a kick out of it as I did. It's like they made it just for us. Which is just as well, since there were only four other people in the cavernous theater with us.
Did I mention that I loved it? Sure, it's totally preposterous, but I didn't mind a bit. It has great sword fights, and you can even follow most of the action. So what if they're using incorrect swords? The color is great. The 3-D is great. The sword fights are great. Wait, I said that already. I even loved the sappy dialogue. And the 3-D maps to illustrate the travel. And everything else. It's big, it's dumb, it's more fun than I've had in the theater since I saw Drive Angry. The only sad moment came at the end, which sets up the sequel that will never be made because nobody went to see this one.
Bonus: This movie has the essential pirate-movie scene that Cutthroat Island lacked. You know the one. It's where someone on a mast has to get to the deck quickly, so he sticks a knife in the sail and slides down as the knife slices through the cloth. Two guys do it in this movie. Okay, so it's the side of an airship instead of a sail. Same thing.
So go ahead and hate it, haters. As for me, The Three Musketeers put a song on my face and a smile in my heart.