Saturday, October 29, 2011

The Three Musketeers

A big wide-screen historical adventure with a female lead who's married to the director. What could possibly go wrong? Yes, I loved Cutthroat Island, and apparently I was the only person in the world who did.

And apparently I'm also the only one who loved his new version of The Three Musketeers, except for Judy, who got as big a kick out of it as I did. It's like they made it just for us. Which is just as well, since there were only four other people in the cavernous theater with us.

Did I mention that I loved it? Sure, it's totally preposterous, but I didn't mind a bit. It has great sword fights, and you can even follow most of the action. So what if they're using incorrect swords? The color is great. The 3-D is great. The sword fights are great. Wait, I said that already. I even loved the sappy dialogue. And the 3-D maps to illustrate the travel. And everything else. It's big, it's dumb, it's more fun than I've had in the theater since I saw Drive Angry. The only sad moment came at the end, which sets up the sequel that will never be made because nobody went to see this one.

Bonus: This movie has the essential pirate-movie scene that Cutthroat Island lacked. You know the one. It's where someone on a mast has to get to the deck quickly, so he sticks a knife in the sail and slides down as the knife slices through the cloth. Two guys do it in this movie. Okay, so it's the side of an airship instead of a sail. Same thing.

So go ahead and hate it, haters. As for me, The Three Musketeers put a song on my face and a smile in my heart.

13 comments:

Rick said...

Well, I loved CUTTHROAT ISLAND too Bill. (LAST KISS GOODNIGHT also, the other Geena Davis film directed by her then-husband). I was going to pass on this version but you have convinced me otherwise...

Marsdon said...

For me the Richard Lester versions will always be the best. I went with my father, and afterwards he turned to me and said. "That was a Hell of a movie".

Anonymous said...

The Mythbusters investigated the knife-in-sail slide for life in their first Pirate Special, and busted it. Synopsis at http://mythbustersresults.com/episode71

But this was an airship skin, not a sail? In the 17th Century. Right. Sounds altogether plausible now.

Art Scott

Bill Crider said...

Plausibility isn't this movie's strong point.

Deb said...

Didn't Bluto (John Belushi) do that 'slide down a sail by cutting it in half with a knife' trick at the end of "Animal House"?

Apparently the female lead of "The Three Musketeers" has been tweeting that the production company did not market the movie as the "fun family adventure" that it is and that is why it's bombing at the box office.

Like Marsdon, the Lester version will always be the one for me.

Bill Crider said...

As much as I like the Lester version, the one for me is the '48 version with Gene Kelly, which is the first one I ever saw. But I'm a sucker for these movies. I even liked the one with Keifer Sutherland.

James Reasoner said...

Loved CUTTHROAT ISLAND. Loved the Richard Lester version of THE THREE MUSKETEERS (the filmed-at-the-same-time sequel to that version, not so much, for some reason). But the first time I saw the commercial for this version of THE THREE MUSKETEERS I knew I'd have to watch it. Based on your comments I'm more convinced than ever that I'll like it.

Cap'n Bob said...

This is what 40 years of jogging will do to an otherwise exceptional brain. Seriously, I only know what I saw in the ads and it didn't look promising. Maybe when it comes to Netflix next week I'll add it to my Queue.

Brent McKee said...

The "slide down the sail with a knife" bit actually goes back to "The Black Pirate", a silent starring Douglas Fairbanks Sr.

Oh, and that "Mythbusters" episode "busted" the "myth" that wooden splinters from a cannon ball hitting the side of a ship caused more damage than the cannon balls themselves, despite records from medical officers aboard French and British (and probably American) ships of the period which recorded significant numbers of casualties from splinters.

Anonymous said...

You almost convinced me to try it, but then I remember...you love CUTTHROAT ISLAND and Judy loves ISHTAR.

Now if you said it was as good as THE LONG (not LAST, Rick) KISS GOODNIGHT that would be different.

Too bad Nic Cage wasn't in it.

Jeff

Max Allan Collins said...

This is a terrific movie. My wife Barb loved it, and so did my son Nate, both smart, discerning frequent moviegoers. It's a knowingly absurd spin on the great tale with a first-rate, mostly UK cast. Hows cool to see CGI used on something other than fantasy/s-f.

Just because you like the Lester version doesn't mean you should avoid this. I like the Lester version, too. I also like the Ritz Brothers version, which I swear is a terrific movie. Go ahead! Say it! I've lost all credibility before, on many an occasion....

Bill, you are so right! Except for DRIVE, which remains Emperor's New Clothes lousy.

Mel Odom said...

Can't wait to see this one. Deadlines continue to frustrate.

Scott Cupp said...

Saw this today. Utter nonsense ion terms of plot but an incredibly fun and enjoyable film. And I still love the Richard lester films.