Saturday, August 11, 2007

Flash Gordon

Because I'm at a convention, I missed out on the new version of Flash Gordon on the Sci-Fi Channel. Fortunately, however, I'm able to bring you a review by noted TV critic Walter Satterthwait.

You could've been watching the debut of FLASH GORDON on SciFi. Or, if you wanted to have even more fun, you could have been pulling out tufts of hair and pouring iodine on your head.

The idea (such as it is) sucks, the writing (such as it is) sucks, but all that is made up for by the acting (such as it is), which truly, truly sucks. At least the show is consistent: everything and everybody in it sucks.

It's easy to make Dale Arden boring. (And these guys, naturally, took the easy way out.) But Princess Aura? The wicked, passionate, tempestuous Princess Aura? In this thing, she's a Valley Girl whose strongest emotion is a snit.

She probably got that from her father, Ming The Monotonous.

As for Flash, he's played by an actor with the charisma of cottage cheese. (But without the flair.) I wanted to turn off the TV after about 10 minutes, but I hung in there for the full hour and a half of psychic root canal, so I could bring you this detailed report.

14 comments:

  1. Everything you said! Unfortunately, I hung in for the whole thing also. The Doctor Who beforehand was much superior.

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  2. Todd Mason1:54 PM

    Hm. I noted that the TV GUIDE photograph of the cast made all the women look anorectic even by the starved standards of television. I gather that food wasn't the only thing of which they were deprived.

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  3. Judging from Walter's comments, I'd say they were deprived of a script.

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  4. Exactly. You geezers get off my joke!

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  5. Glen Davis2:12 PM

    This was pretty bad.

    They must have worked hard to come up with something this awful.

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  6. Anonymous3:14 PM

    More movie reviews from Walter! He needs a regular gig somewhere.

    stilwell

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  7. Great idea. Know any newspapers who need a reviewer?

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  8. Anonymous3:57 PM

    Newspapers? How last century. They've already eliminated the book review sections, can the movie review sections be far behind? Walter needs a blog

    You kids get off my lawn!

    stilwell

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  9. Okay, I guess that was dumb. So do you know an on-line journal that needs a reviewer?

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  10. Fred Blosser6:06 PM

    Actually, the film reviews will hang on because they're part, if a minor part, of the "entertainment" machine that drills Britney, Lindsey, and Paris (and when they reform or get too old to party, the next wave of tabloid dolls) into our brains 24/7.

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  11. I hope you're right. I like reading reviews in the newspaper. But then I'm an old guy.

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  12. Todd Mason9:44 PM

    And theaters still run ads (while we continue to have theaters), while publishers and bookstores, not so much...

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  13. I agree with the eminent Steve Stilwell that the multitalented Walter Satterthwait requires his own review column. I'm still smiling over the "iodine" line.

    It made me nostalgic for the cheesy 1980 Flash Gordon movie with the Queen soundtrack ("Flash! Ah-ah!")

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  14. I confess that I love that movie. I hear a DVD version will be released, maybe this year.

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