Wednesday, February 12, 2003

February 12, 2003: It's hard to write this, as I am huddled in my office with plastic duct-taped over the windows, and it's crowded with the three-day's supply of food, water, and Energizers.

Here's my latest theory: I'd give heavy odds that any other president within the last 40 years would have held a press conference today to respond to the latest bin Laden threat. I'll also give even heavier odds that George W. Bush won't hold a press conference. Why? I think there are two possibilities:

A. He doesn't want to reveal his fiendishly clever plan to trick bin Laden the way he tricked the liberals with Colin Powell.

B. He would look like a doofus.

Guess which one I think is more likely?

If he did hold a press conference and if I were a reporter, here's what I'd ask:

1. If you'd gotten Osama bin Laden dead or alive as you promised, we wouldn't be huddled in our offices, would we?

2. If you'd gotten Osama bin Laden dead or alive as you promised, Saddam wouldn't have anyone to give his alleged weapons to, would he?

3. Why are you afraid to say the name "Osama bin Laden"?

4. Wouldn't you call it stretching a point to say that a tape denouncing Saddam Hussein as an infidel proves that he and bin Laden are plotting against the U.S. together?

I'd probably never get to question 2, since, as we all know, it's treasonous to question the president about such things. It was fine to question Bill Clinton about anything and everything, but it's unAmerican to question Dub.

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